I came home and went back to bed, but I never managed to get back to sleep. Miss Darden, from the PRRC called me to find out how I was doing a month past graduation. I told her about Jack, and that I was worried the guy might try to sue. She gave me a number for legal aid which will work with you depending on your income. I think we have lawyers we've paid for through Kevin's work, though, which we've already paid for if we need them. Miss Darden said she'd call me again closer to graduation day to see if I wanted to be in the ceremony, but she's done calling me for check ins. I can call her if I need her though, and she made sure I had her extension. I can also call them if I want tickets to something they may be able to get them. I almost missed her call. I saw that the VA hospital had called me, but I assumed it was a reminder for my Thursday appointment. Well, then I got the reminder call for the Thursday appointment, and thought it weird that they would call me twice, so I checked my voicemail, and was pleased that it was Miss Darden.
I rolled out of bed again at noon since I decided I'd eat lunch before golf. I ate a peanut butter sandwich and cried when I got jelly on my computer, and no one immediately shoved his head in there to eat the leftover jelly. Then I went to golf, where I hit approximately 25 shots on the driving range, almost all of them rolling pathetically along the ground and not going up in the air at all. This was a special day at golf because Hines Ward, a super bowl MVP for the Steelers, was there. He works for CNN now, and the head people from CNN all picked a charity to spotlight on the channel between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Well Hines picked BlazeSports, so he was out there today playing golf with us. Because of this after an hour we moved onto the course. Kevin the instructor (as opposed to my Kevin) went with me, and picked all my clubs and helped me track the balls (I kind of lose them in the sky and can't remember where they fell...). I hit my first shot 100 yards, which, yanno, is 75 yards longer than I've ever hit anything before, but after that I was just hitting balls rolling along the ground again. But here's a picture of me with Hines Ward.
Anyway, it was a lot of fun to actually play golf instead of just staying on the driving range. And the area we were playing in was very pretty, although they had lost over 100 trees in the recent tropical storm we had. We only played 3 holes, and then we went in for dinner. We had sandwiches and potato salad (and salad, but with caesar dressing so I couldn't eat any).
I came home and spent some time with Kevin. Rogue REALLY likes the borg cube she got from this month's loot pets. Like, we were squeaking that plus her previous favorite toy, and she was picking the borg cube every time. She also woke me up with it a few times, which normally she doesn't do that with toys. So I guess I'm glad I didn't give it to Jack to destroy, but I feel kind of guilty that I didn't give him any kind of a toy. Then I kind of kidnapped Rogue and locked her in my office with me. The cats are in here too. Aaron is curled up in Jack's usual spot, but Aggie is hiding in the closet. She did spend some time against my chest though.
I think I've made two decisions that might help my sanity. First is that I'm going to intentionally write 0 words in October. Hopefully that will get me over my burn out and I'll be able to start November strong and spit out a novel for NaNo. The other decision is that in November I'm going to count every word I write - even words in this blog, even though they aren't fiction. I just... I don't think my brain will let me push on in any other way. At any rate, I'm still planning to go to write ins on Tuesday and Thursday nights in October, I just don't plan to write. I'll have my laptop and internet connection, so I mean, I can do other things on the internet while I talk to people at the write ins. Maybe I'll start counting blog posts already in my word counts.
I looked at the weather report in order to make the title of this post and found that it is still supposed to be over 90F on Wednesday when I was supposed to go to the zoo and work as a greeter. I decided to cancel that, and sign up for a shift in October when it will be in the 70s. We're supposed to start getting more seasonable weather on Sunday (hey that's my birthday!). That means high 70s, and still not sweatshirt weather, but at least it won't be 90 out anymore. I also signed up for a shift at the aquarium on the day of Red Tower, which I guess means I'm not going to that, but I was kind of leaning towards not going anyway. They're not having any classes. I guess this means my next event is Jour D' Amour in February. I'm alright with that. I don't need to go to a million SCA events anymore. Honestly, the meetings are more fun, and archery practice lets me shoot things monthly, which really if I wanted to shoot more often than that, I'd go to Sol Haven's archery practice, or I'd go shoot archery with BlazeSports every week. Clearly, I don't want to that badly. Although honestly, I may ask Bill if there is teaching at archery, because if I could get someone to watch me shoot and tell me "this is what you're doing wrong," that would be kind of good and I might consider waking up early for that, at least a few times.
Speaking of BlazeSports, swim team is this Saturday, which, I'm sure the Jews on my list are already seeing the problem - it's Yom Kippur and since I skipped out on Rosh Hashanah, I really feel like I ought to go. Also I signed up to go to the break the fast after services. Because I can't make it this month, and didn't make it last month, I cleared out my schedule for next month, which meant cancelling an aquarium shift (which is why I added the one on Red Tower - I need to be going twice a month to get my guest pass next year). I need to be doing a better job of getting hours at the zoo, too, but honestly, it's hot, and I don't have khaki shorts.
I got an email today that my 3rd volunteer gig, the reading to an elementary school student, is set to start on October 3rd. So hopefully that will go better this year. That seems kind of last minute to be telling me about it, but I guess it is what it is. They still haven't told me what time I need to show up. I'm hoping for some time in the afternoon, because my poor little brain.
Sunday is my birthday, and that means talking to my aunt and trying to convince her just to get me amazon gift cards, while she comes up with a million things I absolutely do not want and says, "what about this? what about that?" I think we finally settled on socks. Hopefully she doesn't find a way to fuck that up, but she was already trying to convince me on socks that stop at the ankles pretty hard, which I will never wear because I hate socks that stop at the ankles. Honestly, I appreciate that she wants to buy me a present, but I don't understand what her thing is against buying me what I ask for? My parents make things easier. I send them a link, and they order it. My sister will get me an amazon gift card. That's all the presents I expect.
I've been listening to the radio to try to find a song to add to my collection on the first (I always add a song to my collection on the first of every month. It keeps me up to date with modern music and stops me from getting too bored with the music I have). Unfortunately, I really don't hear anything new and clever this month. Does anyone have any suggestions? (Send youtube links!) I like pop, hate rap, and really hate rap in my pop. Some favorites include Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Pink, and Lady Gaga. I particularly like listening to songs with a good message.
I miss my puppy.
If anyone has any non-AO3 recs, I'd welcome them! Or just babble at me about this (whether "this" is Prince of Tennis, or getting ambushed by weird fic cravings, or that one fandom that you never thought you'd be into) in the comments.
As tends to happen when I fic-binge, I've ended up thinking a lot about what works for me and what doesn't, both for a specific canon and more broadly. This fandom definitely hits a couple of bulletproof narrative kinks for me - especially 'struggling with an unwanted attraction'/'questioning one's orientation' (with a side of 'concealing it in a hostile environment'), and 'deep platonic loyalty' - and that might explain why I'm so invested in a couple of characters from a shounen sports anime, despite having no interest in school settings or sports.
Does anyone else have an "outlier" fandom or OTP that helped shed light on your narrative kinks? (Also, why are a bunch of mine so hard to describe? It's difficult to go looking for more of something when it takes a paragraph and a half just to summarise the basic concept!)
The world is on fire; Endellion was good-but-not-great; autumn in New York is almost as good as spring in New York; Chuck Schumer and his staff ignore their phones 100% of the time (Kirsten Gillibrand's staff is at least available sometimes, and my representative's staff ALWAYS talks to me); I made apple hand pies this weekend; the seminar I am taking is not as interesting as I was hoping but I will soldier on; the fact that no one has cut together the Elizabeth-Swann-relevant scenes from Pirates of the Caribbean 5 is an abomination; my office moved across campus and while there are some serious downsides, the fact that I no longer work in a dungeon is a net positive.
I cannot believe it is already almost Yom Kippur.
Stories that WILL be written because I've already started their outlines:
Catbois in Cages
Space Accountant Accidental Marriage
The other winners of the first Poll (At least 2 of these will be written):
Bless the Cat.(AF)
King(maker) Cake, etc.(AF)
Current Winner of Stranded/Reiassan Poll (feel free to vote if you haven't already!)
Stranded in Winter
Love Meme: Autumn and Ink
Rin and her Mother, and Knowing Where His Place Is
Road Map To....
Fae Apoc and Tir na Cali: Which of these stories should I continue?
Clarisse: Paint it Blue and Paint Me Blue
Bjorn: Uncle and The Uncle’s… Pet?
Matchmaker, Matchmaker (Adg)
Abrelle: Shades and Shifting
Cumhai: A couple helping hands etc
About That… (Adg)
Bracken, her first year, second year, etc.
Deaths in the Faerie apocalypse, a side note (Adg)
They Were Over (Adg)
Where It All Began (Adg)
Return to Sender/Old Debts and Old Favors***
The Collar Job, Part VI
Tir na Cali Slave School
Hallowing New Ground
Turning, Tables, and Other Things
Little Lost Kitty Girl
What (not on the giant list) should I continue for Vas World, Dragons Next Door, and/or Facets of Dusk?
If you’re in or around Seattle tomorrow, Cat would love to say hello! She’s doing a reading of The Glass Town Game on 9/26 at Secret Garden Books: the event begins at 7 PM, and the store closes at 8 PM. Bring your books, bring your kids, and bring your smiles!
Haven’t gotten The Glass Town Game yet? You’re missing out on the Brontës and their secret world! To tempt you, here’s an exclusive excerpt from the book over at YA Interrogbang. Enjoy!
Ways To Give:
Anon linked to a fundraiser for onomatopathetically, a disabled woman trapped in an abusive and dangerous home situation. She's raising funds to relocate to somewhere safe where she can get a job; you can read more and support the fundraiser here.
pinesandmaples linked to a March of Dimes fundraiser being run by their friend Karen, who recently lost her infant son to a terminal birth defect. She is raising funds to help support research into infant birth defects in memory of her son. You can read more and support their walk here.
rilee16 is struggling to cover medical expenses after two head injuries last year, and has a fundraiser running to cover living expenses, previous medical bills, and a recent rent increase. You can read more and help out here.
Buy Stuff, Help Out:
Recently I made a post about a new word I'd come up with to describe the gallows humor of Millennials, "Millennihilist", and dr-kara asked if she could make it into a shirt; the result is on sale now, with all proceeds going to the Hispanic Federation to help with the crisis in Puerto Rico. You can read more, reblog, and find links to purchase here.
in_the_bottle is still looking for a roommate; they're looking to let a bedroom just off Fulham Palace Road in Fulham for a short-term from October to 19th November for £850 per month including utilities, negotiable (length of stay also negotiable). You can read more and get in touch here.
And this has been Radio Free Monday! Thank you for your time. You can post items for my attention at the Radio Free Monday submissions form. If you're not sure how to proceed, here is a little more about what I do and how you can help (or ask for help!). If you're new to fundraising, you may want to check out my guide to fundraising here.
Kevin is busy writing negative reviews of his employer. I wish I thought they'd get him fired.
I'm fighting off panic at the price tag, and anger that the animal control agent said he clearly wasn't bitten but there's still nothing they can do and anger that he is slandering my dog (but my dog probably does not have legal standing in a court to sue him - which Kevin won't let me consider doing anyway). And desperate sadness because my dog is going to be locked away with no one to love him, and he's not going to understand why he doesn't have even his sister with him for the first time in his life. And I'm afraid if he's in quarantine they won't be able to let him go outside throughout the day. And basically, my poor dog, who did nothing but try to make a friend he thought was playing with him.
Otherwise, I was supposed to go to the zoo today for gorilla day, to do arts and crafts activities with kids. I emailed two people to ask where to meet and neither of them got back to me, so I didn't go. I did wake up to check my email on time to have gone, but I didn't go. I'm really annoyed about this because it means I either need to spend more time in flamingo plaza as a greeter, or I have to find other events to sign up for. I should probably look in next month to see when these events might be. Yeah now I'm signed up for something called "Boo at the Zoo" on the 21st. If I don't get enough hours by then, I'll finish up then. It's by the orangutans which I actually know something about having studied them as an anthro major in college.
I don't remember if I mentioned this here or not, but 23andMe is doing a study of people who have been treated for either depression or bipolar disorder, and in exchange for your DNA they'll send you a free ancestry and health report. So I mailed off a vial of my spit to help with that study and find out whether I should be chasing this Polish guy or the English guy on ancestry.com. There are also rumors in my mother's family of some Native American ancestry, which it will be interesting to find out of that is true or not. If you've been treated for bipolar disorder, you can click here to get in on the same deal I did - but time is running out. The depression study is already closed.
I opened a loot pets box today to see if I'd get some kind of a toy I could send with Jack to quarantine, but Kevin wound up really liking the toy inside it (which was a borg cube), so we gave it to Rogue, who will not destroy it instead of Jack, who will.
Sam: You should go to the thrift store and find something cool to replace it with! That’s how you get a really unique chess set.
R: So you’re saying his mistake became….a mistakapportunity?
Sam: Of the millions of words that I thought you might say when you paused, mistakapportunity didn’t even make the list.
from Tumblr http://ift.tt/2y0YuXL
Astrid May for a girl, I don't know about a boy. Kevin likes the name Astrid, and I do too, but it's really his choice. May is my middle name, my mother's middle name, my grandmother's middle name, and my great-grandmother's middle name. So it's really important to me to keep that.
( the rest )
There were stations to get wine, beer, and food all over the zoo. I wound up getting one cup of sparkling mango wine, and then eating the food. It was good. I couldn't eat two of the things because they had seafood, but I got some steak, and a piece of a taco and some donuts. I discovered that it's impossible to see the gorillas with wheels - there just isn't a ramp onto the observation platform. So that made me sad, especially as there was someone with a microphone talking about gorillas up there, and I would have liked to listen.
I wound up watching the elephants for a long time, and the sun bears, and the pandas. The sunbears were clearly distressed that it was past time for them to be off exhibit and behind the scenes doing whatever they do there. They were pacing in front of the exit to their exhibit and occasionally jumping up on it like "let me in!" I kind of understand - it was 90F and they're black bears. But they're from Malaysia, certainly they should be used to hot weather? The tortoises were off exhibit with a sign that said "even Atlanta can be cold to a tropical animal. Check us out starting in late spring" - did I mention it was 90F out? Certainly that's not too cold for anything that has an outdoor enclosure in Atlanta?
I started driving home, and Kevin called to tell me he'd ordered me dinner from someplace we'd never eaten at before. So, I came home to dinner, and when I answered the door, the dog ran past me, and jumped on the guy with the food. He started jumping and screaming, which of course makes the dogs think he wants to play, so they're jumping and barking too. I collect my dogs and my food, and start to close the door and he's out there with his pants leg pulled up yelling "ma'am, ma'am!" so I peek out the door and he says "do you have the peppers?" I have absolutely no idea what he's talking about and he keeps gesturing to his leg asking for peppers. I finally say, "I have no idea what you want," and he says, "fine then I'll call the cops!" Since there was not a mark on his leg anywhere, and I have no idea why he wants peppers unless maybe he wants me to pepper spray my dogs, I tell him, "you do that then," and kick the door closed. Why do people who are afraid of dogs take jobs as delivery drivers? Honestly, get a job as a cook or something where you don't have to interact with people or dogs if you're afraid of dogs. Anyway, I'm seriously stressed out because I don't want him to report my dogs to the police.
After games were done, my partner showed me Who Framed Roger Rabbit? out of the "You haven't seen that yet?" queue. And we watched more of The Orville, and I tested out my stand mixer by making some cookies.
Friday, in honor of the equinox, I baked a sweet cardamom loaf. Then we did a shopping run, and my partner made dinner.
These past two days have involved a lot of small gas-powered motors around. Partner has summoned a yard maintenance company to take care of some of the tree, bush, weed, and tenacious invasive morning glory things that the ex neglected in the interminable six months leading up to departure. It's been loud, but is so much better looking now. Though there are still some more things left for today, like the stack of lichen-covered branches in the driveway.
I don't recall ever having a crush on anyone I knew in person, because I seem to have always recognized that that way lay sex, and I wasn't interested. I did have a celebrity crush on Jonathan Brandis, and his character Lucas Wolenczak from seaQuest DSV, which was probably my first and only crush in a way that you'd actually think of as a crush.
( the rest )
Stop one was my therapist's office. Traffic made me a little late, but since it was apparently a 60 minute appointment instead of my usual 30 minutes, that was fine. We talked about goals, and talked about writer's block. She basically wanted me to look at what I have accomplished instead of what I haven't accomplished.
I came home and talked to Kevin for half an hour before heading out to my father's house. I got to my father's house a little early and he was in the shower, so I entertained myself with his dog until he was ready to go. Tonight's adventure was the Temptations and 4 Tops concert. Of course it's more like Temptation and 4 Top because only one man survives from each group, and they've filled their ranks with younger men. I thought the concert was alright, but the 4 Tops for some reason were singing everyone else's songs. I mean, I know you could fill an hour with 4 Tops hits, but for some reason they played Mack the Knife, and My Way and several other songs that I didn't even know that weren't their songs. My dad was pretty disappointed, and he wasn't alone - people were leaving the concert in droves. Our entire aisle emptied out before the end of the concert.
I got home at midnight, and talked to Kevin for an hour since the dogs woke him up barking when I walked in the door. I immediately took my meds, as I had forgotten both at lunch and dinner (since I never ate dinner), and I was starting to go into withdrawals. I'm still clenching my jaw and pretty uncomfortable, though it's starting to get better.
Fay: a goth cheerleader
me: a goth cheer squad
[various comments about school mascot possibilities]
fay: the Raccoon City Revenants
Me: Edgar Allan Poe HS Ravens
We also noted that Gothic Lolita fashions would actually work with cheer stuff because of the short skirts.
Hmmm... maybe twirling parasols instead of pompoms?
I just need to find a good picture. Suggestions?
People keep making the mistake of thinking that just because I'm nice, I'm a pushover. Or gullible. Or both.
That is...beyond hilarious as a concept.
Fuck everyone today.
(Work issues, though I've run into the same idea outside of work, I suppose. I will elaborate when I'm not vaguebooking on a work computer on a work network.)
“For people who know about this thing—” the Diamond Raven warned.
“For people to know about it is truth! Is all of us who rotted for the Tzar laid to rest! Is everything that went wrong put better!” The deserter was foaming at the mouth. Raizel took a step back. He only spoke louder. “This is the thing that makes it all better! Do you understand? This is the truth that I deserted for!”
“But what is it?” Raizel asked for the third time.
It is a spell so dark your eyes cannot comprehend it. It is a spell so nasty that your mind will shy from it. It says that the Tzar who won the Seventh War did so with the darkest of magics. It says that he bled his own people’s souls to do so, and did so knowingly. It may shake the foundations of your world. It may change everything. It may change nothing, save that people will know exactly how far their Tzars will go to hold on to this Empire.
( Rosh Hashanah )
It's genuinely disorienting to encounter all these spaces where I don't have to educate anyone or fight to be seen for who I am. Other people have already done that work, and leaders have clearly been receptive to it. (Rabbi Lippman is queer, but I don't assume that cis queer people will be welcoming to or understanding of trans people, especially nonbinary trans people.) I get to just show up and be a human being in human community. What an immense privilege. What a gift. Honestly, that might be the thing that gets me to stick with this—just the pure pleasure of being in a place where I didn't personally have to claw out a space for myself.
Josh met me and Kit in the park and we walked for a while (GMaps Pedometer says I walked 3.2 miles today, most of it pushing a heavy stroller with a heavy toddler; my feet and arms are very tired). I teased him that he should be glad I didn't make him meet the rabbi. But this is my thing, really. Maybe it's my latest three-month hobby. Maybe it'll be more than that. We'll see.
Kevin called at 11 and said he was done with work for the day because he has to work Saturday. Then when I woke up at 2 he still wasn't home. Apparently he called Brian and wound up going out to lunch with him, and decided I wouldn't know because I'd be at tmeple, so he didn't tell me he wasn't coming straight home, and I was very nervous by the time he came home. Now he has two days of working from home, plus he gets to get off early on Friday (next Friday I think not this Friday), to make up for the hours he did work today.
We talked a little bit, then I went to Panera to meet Tia and Klepto. I wrote over 1000 words on my Star Trek short stories, and then started reading DW for about half an hour because my brain was just not having any of it. My brain had better get over this not having any of it by November because I'm relying on a successful NaNoWriMo to finish my goals for the year. I think it'll be better when I have a novel I'm writing instead of the short stories. I hope.
Came home, read LJ, read my bat mitzvah portion over again - the first half of it came easier, the second half came harder for some reason, even though I know most of the words in the second half of it. Read my Bible, and generally prepared for the end of the day.
Anyway, Shanah Tova to the Jews, and Happy Mabon to the pagans, happy Friday to the rest of you.
happy fall multifandom friending meme!
It was pretty, well-woven, and tidy, and it was just large enough that he could fit in it. Not particularly a hand-basket, if you were really going to think about the term as such.
Then again, most baskets were not man-sized, most baskets did not have lids, and most of them did not have wheels.
by Lyn Thorne-Alder
She was trying, she really was.
She wasn’t trying, perhaps, as hard as she ought to or as often as she ought to, but Arnbjörg was trying hard to accept this place. It was just...
“It’s so fucked up.” She threw up her hands.
“What?” Jaya turned to look at her. They were studying together on their bed, Jaye’s head on Arnbjörg’s shoulder. They hadn’t been talking at all; Arnbjörg had been glaring at her textbook and attempting to focus.
“This school. Everything about it. Babies.”
In case you forgot, I’ll be at Borderlands Books (my favorite place in SF) at 3:00 pm this Saturday to read to you from my new book The Uploaded, sign whatever you put in front of me, and to, as usual, go out for hamburgers afterwards.
(And if you’re extra-special-good, I may do a super-secret advance MEGA-preview reading of The Book That Does Not Yet Have A Name. Not that, you know, you shouldn’t be rushing out to your stores to buy The Uploaded right now.)
I will, of course, bring donuts after my massive DONUT FAIL in Massachusetts, which I still wake up in cold sweats about. I will bring you donuts or die.
Cross-posted from Ferrett's Real Blog.
So was that meant to be a cliche-filled thinly written action flick? I felt like it was fight fight fight something the force oh look space fight fight fight quips robots pew pew fight. It looks like reviews were generally good so I guess it's just me.
I am much more of a Star Trek person although I LOVED Return of the Jedi and have seen most of the Star Wars films and in high school I wrote fanfic set on the Wookie planet. The Wookies were my favorites. I would watch a whole Wookie movie. It is probably the closest I get to furry interests.
It was nice to see Diego Luna.
Go to 30 meetings - Went to a dance practice tonight
Post 100 situations prompts to AO3 - Another one is posted.
Fill a second 100 situations with a different fandom - Wrote 2 more prompts
Learn 30 new things through wikipedia - I learned about Brezhnev's legacy.
Take golf lessons - one more week in the books.
Listen to 90 other podcasts - I listened to an episode of Backstory on myths and legends in American history.
Read the entire Bible - Still in 2 Kings
Also, I really want to know what the receptionist's job is there though because when I asked him to check me in he's like "check in at the automatic kiosk" and when I asked him to check me out he's like "check out is around the corner" So what the fuck is your job dude? You're working awfully hard at not working there.
If I had had brains, I would have brought my laptop and went to a coffee shop, but I don't have brains so I came all the way home, and sat online for an hour then talked to Kevin for an hour, then went back to Decatur to go to the SCA meeting. There was a business meeting at the beginning of the meeting, where we talked about upcoming events, most of which I am not going to. I don't think I'm going to any more events this year, actually. I may change my mind and go to Red Tower in 2 weeks, but they aren't having any classes, and I don't think I can shoot long enough to make that a whole day activity. So, I don't really know what I'd do with myself.
After the meeting we had some dancing. I danced with Ximon, and Justina danced with the dance Mistress, but I don't remember her name. Also this cute little 3 year old girl danced with Justina and they were adorable. The list of dances for 4 people is small, and I think we did most of them.
Then we went out to dinner at Imperial, where I had a burger and Mac and Cheese. Never again with that mac and cheese. The top was burned, and I made the mistake of stirring it so the burned pieces mixed in with the good pieces, and it was just disgusting. I picked at Deborah's french fries, which were better. We talked about travel, and the military, and I'm not really a fan of discussing the military. It's a thing that happened, and I'm glad it did, but I'd rather not talk about it. They were talking about family members who refused to talk about military service though, and I was like "sounds about right!" For what it's worth, my grandfather, who was a mine sweeper in north Africa never spoke about it either. Until he got Alzheimer's and thought he was living it.
L'Shanah Tova, y'all.
“I’m not up for sex,” she told me. “I’ve had a lot of medical issues lately. It’s more painful than not to even try.”
“Cool,” I said, and we spent the day going to a street festival.
I woulda liked sex. But life happens.
“I’m in the middle of my seasonal affective disorder,” I told her. “You show up, I might not be able to leave the house. I might just curl up and cry all day.”
“Cool,” she said, and I was pretty morose but we cuddled a lot and eventually managed to go out to dinner.
I woulda liked to have a working brain. But life happens.
“I’m not sure I can make it through this convention,” they told me. “My flare-ups have been really bad this season. I might not be able to go out with you in the evenings.”
“Cool,” I said, and I went out for little hour-long jaunts before heading back to the room to cuddle them, then charging out again to circulate.
I woulda liked to have them by my side when I hit the room parties. But life happens.
I’m a massively flawed human with a mental illness. I need to have poly relationships that include for the possibility of breakdowns. Because if I need to have a perfect day before I allow anyone to see me, I might wait for weeks. Months. Years. And then what the fuck is left by the time I get to see them?
I know there are people who need perfect visits. They have to have the makeup on when you visit them, and they’ll never fall asleep when they had a night of Big Sexy planned, and if they get out the toys there’s gonna be a scene no matter how raw anyone’s feeling.
But I can’t do that.
My relationships aren’t, can’t be, some idealized projection of who I want to be. If I’m not feeling secure that day, I can’t be with a partner who needs me to be their rock so the weekend proceeds unabated. And if they’re feeling broken, I can’t be with someone who needs to pretend everything is fine because their time with me is their way of proving what a good life they have.
Sometimes, me and my lovers hoped for a weekend retreat of pure passion and what we get is curling up with someone under tear-stained covers, holding them and letting them know they will not be alone come the darkness.
We cry. We collapse. We stumble. We don’t always get what we want, not immediately.
But we also heal. We nurture. We accept.
And in the long run, God, we get so much more.
Cross-posted from Ferrett's Real Blog.
R: In the RV park, Red Headed Stranger is the only album I feel comfortable playing over my external speaker system. It’s the only music everyone can agree they like.
Sam: Isn’t Red Headed Stranger a concept album about going on the run after murdering your family?
R: People can relate.
from Tumblr http://ift.tt/2xmDtVS
(after thursday the above will get the wrong strip, try http://freefall.purrsia.com/ff3100/
I agree with Chris's dad. Especially given that it's a mobility device *with communications*. Killing the comms when there's a fault in the drive system is an *insanely* stupid decision.
What stupid design decisions have *you* had to deal with?
The Mathews Men: Seven Brothers and the War Against Hitler's U-boats by William Gerouxby - I don't understand why this book was called seven brothers, Mathews is a county, not a family, and the book was about a much larger segment of society than seven brothers. Nonetheless, it was a fascinating look at a mostly forgotten part of WWII, and men who had a higher mortality rate than every military branch except the marines.
What are you reading?
One Way or Another by Annette Laing - No progress this week
The Jews of Khazaria by Kevin Alan Brook - I wonder if part of the reason we have so little information about these people is that they competed with the Russians, and eventually, the Russians won? I'm only 28% of the way through this book, which is surprising because he never references the idea that he'll introduce more evidence after chapter 8 and I'm already on chapter 6.
2 Kings - There's a lot of murder and death going on. I think it's succession wars?
Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Daniel H. Pink - This book is more oriented towards businesses than I was expecting. It's still interesting, because it talks about ways to motivate people and stuff, but I am not the intended audience.
I also have a filter for that. If you would like to be on it, please comment below and I will add you to the academic filter. (I think I have a few recent followers who are academics.) Please note: I don't mean to be exclusionary. Don't feel you need to work in academia to be on the filter. I have just found that many people who don't work in academia don't want to hear about it either.