Tinhuviel Artanis

So we're still at Doug's. It was decided to wait until the sun started to go down and things began to cool off to a more bearable... 100 degrees or so.

I took this picture quite a few hours ago. Can we say Holy Mother of god, boys and girls? Jesus-fucking-Christ!



I just got out of the shower. I took a cold one. It was the perfect temperature, since I love really hot showers.

I am not joking.

Janice came down to investigate the window in which the old AC resided and the new AC needed to be installed. She confirmed our fears that the sill was rotten and needed to be replaced. We started the process of pulling the old AC out. As soon as it was dragged across the sill, the sill crumbled and fell to the floor. Janice set to replacing the sill and preparing the window for the new AC. By 3:30, the AC was installed. It has a thermometer in it and the ability to cool down to 61 degrees. When we started it up, the temperature in the house was 83. It's now 72. Sweet. Aunt Tudi is beside herself with glee and thankfulness. It's supposed to be in the mid to upper 90s for the rest of the week. If we didn't have the AC, I'm certain I'd be rushing Aunt Tudi to the ER because of an asthma attack or heat exhaustion or even heart issues. So thanks again to all who helped to get her the AC. I'm off to find a flannel shirt because I'm freakin' cold.

My grass is almost a foot high because I can't imagine going out in the godawful heat and humidity to cut it. It is once again that time of year where I ponder the advantages of purchasing a couple of goats and letting them go berserk on my lawn. Of course, my usual honed ability to think up colourful metaphors for how hot it is here has been dashed upon the jagged rocks of moad_terran_hq's creativity. When he mentioned that it was "slap dough under your arms and make stank bread hot," not only did he force me to fall hopelessly in love with him, but he also hijacked what was normally my little niche of ingenuity: that is, describing how horrible the heat is in ways that make others weep and cackle simultaneously.

But I can't stop griping about the heat just because I've been outdone by moad_terran_hq. It's too hot not to gripe about it.

The current temperature is 83 with over 50% humidity. The temperature really isn't that bad right now, but the humidity is what makes it worse than it actually is. It's bad enough that the ladies (Smidgen, Shmoop, and Motley) are indoors, stretched out like noodles on the floor. It's supposed to get up to 92 today and, honestly, I'll be surprised if we make it there since it's already after 4 in the afternoon. But tomorrow.....tomorrow is supposed to be 98 or even hotter.

The family is gathering for a cook-out late tomorrow afternoon. In order to avoid the heat (like that's gonna happen) and be together at sunset in order to set off fireworks for the kids, we're gathering up at Uncle Michael's and Janice's around 6 PM. The way I see it, I will be chewed on by flies as I broil in the hot, wet heat until the sun goes down. Then, I will be chewed on by mosquitoes and have my nerves rankled by asplodey things and screaming kids. Oh yeah, I'm looking forward to it. I'd rather just sit in the dark and the cool of the bedroom and ponder the destruction of all Humanity. Heat makes me want to move the Alpaca Lips along a little faster than it's currently developing.

I need a large pool in which to dive nekkid. And I'd pee in it, or say I did, so no one else would encroach on my personal space.