tinhuviel: (Andy Partridge)
Even though I really wasn't to change anything about the Cliffs of Insanity, despite seriously considering it, I did make a few serious changes. In doing so, I learned that LJ can be a total bitch when it comes to editing anything, like posts with certain tags, and tags you want to change the name of, and bloody icons you want to delete, just to name a few things. But I think I got most of it done. I wanted to friends-lock all posts tagged with certain words, because I didn't want to lose the tags, but LJ only gives the option to friends-lock your total journal, or month by month. Time options only. And that sucks. I had to change tags' names and delete the old ones, and that was a horrid task.

In other news, my fellow Batman/Joker fans on here may be happy and very, very shocked to hear that I am feeling much kindlier toward Christian Bale as of today. It's because of the news I read earlier. Check out the snipped, then click for the rest of the article. The dude may actually have decency I just have not seen until now.

British actor Christian Bale fought back tears during an emotional tribute to his late co-star Heath Ledger at the MTV Movie Awards on Sunday.

The star took to the stage at the Los Angeles ceremony along with his Batman co-stars Gary Oldman and Joseph Gordon-Levitt to present footage from their upcoming blockbuster “The Dark Knight Rises.”

tinhuviel: (fitzgerald)
The promo pictures for the new Shriekback album involve clowns. Clowns! My only brief respite with colrouphobia was the Joker and now Barry has brought those painted terrors into the realm of Shriekback. What sort of sick author of my life decided this was a good idea for me to face something like this? I wrote Barry and asked him why why why clowns. He probably won't answer, but at least I asked.

Fitzgerald has been given his tapeworm pill. By tomorrow, he will be totally wormless and ready for his shots. It's just a matter of getting him up to Doc's to get the puppy shot up. He's gained at least two pounds since I've had him and can't get into spaces he originally could have. The bebbeh is growing like a weed. And he doesn't look like a clown, even though he acts like one, at least a funny one, like Mister J. Although most people don't think he's very funny at all. I do and that's all that matters.

[livejournal.com profile] clumsycake just called, so I gotta cut this short.
tinhuviel: (Maul - snarky)
For [livejournal.com profile] acook.

for violence, sex, and spaghetti )
tinhuviel: (Devil Smidge)
David Bowie is just a genius. For someone to think up the song 'Fashion' has to be a freakin' genius.

That's not what this post is about. It's just sort of random something.

Oh oh BIG NEWS. I'm writing a Joker fanfic. I need a vacation from everything else and I did promise [livejournal.com profile] acook a Femme Joker story. Not sure how it's gonna turn out, but I'm hellbent on writing it. It's my Joker. Same Joker I've always written except for that Mister J is Miss J instead. And she's out to date the Bat. So I'm working on that.

I've 16 copies of The Chalice coming to me, all of them spoken for. I'll be taking a copy up to Malaprops for certain so that they can see they get props in the book. Hopefully, they'll order a bunch wholesale and want me to do a book signing. That'd be groovy. I'd write my 'Writers' Cabal/Vampire Division' shirt up there for the big even. Man, am I such a dreamer.

Aunt Tudi made some buttery biscuits. There's nothing like a Southern buttermilk biscuit. Nothing at all. No, my English friends, it is not a cookie. It's a wad of cooked dough that will pitch a party in your mouth, especially if you add butter and jam to it. One big biscuit is like a meal to me, so Aunt Tudi makes sure to make what she calls "The Big Mama." That was my supper.

I sure hope this Pristiq works for Aunt Tudi pretty soon. She's gonna lose it and kill me if something drastic doesn't take place. Then again, my Cymbalta really isn't working all that well, so someone killing me isn't necessarily an unpleasant thought.

Now I'm listening to a song by Dave Brubek & Louis Armstrong. The bassline in this is very important to me because it's my grandfather Irving Manheim playing the upright. He played with so many people and I wish I knew who all were graced with his funky bassline. I often wonder what happened to his bass after he died. I want to someday create a website honouring both Irving Manheim and Helen Aprea (my grandmother, who sang in the Jazz Age up until lung cancer took her voice). I mentioned doing this with the Mother Unit, but my work with the book got to be the center of my attention. Perhaps after the sales begin to slow, I can collaborate with the unit on writing the website and her putting it together.

Ah, now Danny Elfman. The theme song from 'Wanted,' which makes me think of James McAvoy. Now I can't think at all.

30 Day Meme

Sep. 9th, 2010 02:04 pm
tinhuviel: (Llama!)
30 Day Meme )

25. Do any of your characters have pets? Tell us about them.

My fanfiction Joker had a pet hedgehog by the name of Leopold. Leopold was blatantly taken from my own pet hedgehog from days gone by, whose name was also Leopold. The idea for Mister J to have a pet came from the fanfic where J encounters a pet shop clerk who shares his misanthropy. From that fiction on, Joker had the hedgehog companion.
tinhuviel: (Here is the news!)
There's a sign at a mechanic's shop in downtown Spartanburg that says "Eric says: honk if you're wearing clean underwear." I'd give anything to get a picture of this, but I keep forgetting about it before it's too late to get my camera out. I may have to drive to Spartanburg for the sole purpose of getting a photo of this sign. Funny thing is, no one ever honks. Does this mean no one in Spartanburg has on clean underwear? Of course, I don't honk either, even though my undies are so clean, they're spiff.

Speaking of signs, there's a new daycare in Duncan called Grins and Giggles. The sign out front is white with red lettering. I am so tempted to sneak over there in the night, paint over the Grins with white and replace it with the word Shits. "I take my son Fred here to Shits and Giggles Daycare!" It reminded me of when the shaved ice stand in Duncan had their "Hawaiian Shaved Ice" sign altered to read "Hawaiian Shaved Pussy." That was bloody priceless right there.

I'm slowly constructing the playlist for The Augury of Gideon. I've been bantering around in the brain pan about possible chapter names too. Here's what I've come up with so far.

  1. The Violent Inquisition

  2. The Mortal Paladin
  3. (this would be the chapter into which I'll be injecting my Agatha short story "The Shroud.")
  4. Defeated Dragon

  5. The Found Path

  6. Said the Child to the Mother

  7. The Final Reunion

This writing two books at the same time is actually kind of fun, if not a little frustrating. The rewrites on The Blood Crown are going to be ridiculous because I wrote a lot if it in stream of consciousness whilst whacked out on Monster coffees. I'm hoping Augury won't be as difficult on [livejournal.com profile] gunslingaaahhh.

I just witnessed Aunt Tudi kick a news bee's ass out of the front door. I mean literally, she booted his fat ass out. He looked back at her resentfully and said "kiss my ass next time, byotch." Yes, I speak bee and he was rather vociferous regarding his poor treatment as a guest in our home. Now, if [livejournal.com profile] gypsyboy70 had been here, he would have screamed like a leetle gurrl and passed flat out. He doesn't like bees. Why are so many of my friends and acquaintances afraid of bugs? I don't get it. Now, if they feared centipedes and millipedes, I could understand that, because those things are hellspawn from the planet EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK. But bees and spiders? Harmless. Mostly. Like Earth in The Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy.

I've done my LJ and FB cuts. If you were one of them and want to protest, feel free. I'll add you back in a New York minute. But I don't see that happening 'cos the folks I said goodbye to were hardly active at all anyway. And I'm betting that some of them are actually grateful to be rid of me. I know I'm grateful to be rid of me when I get to sleep. Finally, some time away from myself!

Speaking of sleep, Zyprexa is helping me do that. It may kill me, but I was close to death because of not sleeping anyway. It's either take the Zyprexa or take walk in the river. Insomnia can make you want to do ungodly things, like commit suicide. If you're dead, you're sleeping the Big Sleep. I was taking that option quite seriously last week. As a result, I came really close to being hospitalised by the doctors at mental health until I explained to them that I am intractable when it comes to medication. When a couple of Advil would help a normal person, I have to take like four or six. It runs in the family to be this way too. So the doctor gave me the next to the largest strength of Zyprexa. The first night I slept 13 hours. Second night, 7. Consecutive nights have me averaging about 5 or 6, but that's 5 or 6 more hours than I was getting and I'm achieving REM 'cos I remember having dreams. I wish I could remember the dreams, but I know I'm having them. I may have to write a love poem to Zyprexa.

There's something I've been needing to do for a while and I may just do it this evening. I need to take down the Joker posters and stash them away as a moment of short-lived blissful memorabilia. In their place, I'll be mounting on the wall a Shriekback poster from the Go Bang! era. How I'm going to sleep with Barry looming over me is yet to be surmised. We'll see how well the Zyprexa does after the poster shuffling has been achieved. And yes, there will be a picture made. God help us all.

In closing, I am hungry and want lamb koorma with naan immediately, but I'll settle for a peanut butter sammich.
tinhuviel: (Joker_Upside Down)
With the addition of a 14th tale (and now 15th and 16th tales) to what was my Coven of Dates, I've had to update my chronology.

  1. The Cougar's Date

  2. The Nurse's Date aka How the Joker Got His Hospital Uniform

  3. The Hippie's Date

  4. The Groupie's Date

  5. The Actress' Date

  6. The Professor's Date

  7. The Dentist's Date

  8. The Goth Chick's Date aka The One that Got away

  9. The Pet Shop Clerk's Date

  10. The Asylum Attendant's Date

  11. The Nun's Date

  12. The Singer's Date

  13. The Clown's Date

  14. The Artist's Date

  15. The Banker's Date

  16. The Final Date

The original list was taken from HERE where the Date rules can be found. Sometimes I broke the rules, but rules are made to be broken, especially when you're writing Joker.

I doubt there will be any more Dates.
tinhuviel: (Joker_Glare)

Joker escorted Julie into the club called The Stage Door Canteen, a club set up like one of those joints visited by the military before heading off to fight during the Second Great War. Julie was delighted, of course. She loved anything retro and the music that permeated the room as they entered was “Bei Mir Bist Du Schoen” by the Andrews Sisters.


A bit taken aback by the odd pair that just entered, the man stuttered, “Uh…S-sir do you-you have a re-reser-reservation?”


“Why yes! Yes I do. Check under Jay Ochre, party of twoooo.”


The nervous young man checked his reservations and found what he was looking for. “Oh! Well… Uh… Welcome to The Stage Door Canteen. Do you have a sitting preference?”


“We want a table on the dance floor, buddy-boy. We intend to hoof it tonight.”


“Very…uh very well, fol-follow me.”


They followed the skittish man to a simple wooden table covered with a red and white checkered table cloth with a tea light right in the middle. The young man sat Joker and his female doppelganger, informing them that their server would be there shortly. Almost immediately, a young woman appeared, dressed in a standard waitress uniform you’d see in 1943. After her initial shock at whom she’d be serving tonight, she took their orders and left. Joker ordered for Julie without asking her and noted her pleased expression at this turn of events. She was truly submissive. No wonder she’d developed such an affection for him, the Alpha Male criminal who had nothing to lose by his actions.


He smiled a quirky smile at her after the server left and said, “I wasn’t sure if you’d be hungreee after the appetizer I gave you in-n the car, but we can always put what you can’t-t finish in a to-go box.”


“Indeed!” Julie said merrily.


Ella was playing over the sound system in the club. She was crooning “Moanin’ Low.” There were several couples on the floor.


“While we wait on our food, shall we dance?”


Before she knew it, Joker was out of his seat and leaning down toward Julie, his arm extended. Grinning, she took the crook of his elbow and allowed herself to be led to the dance floor. If it had been anyone else, they would have been surprised by J’s abilities as a dancer, but Julie wasn’t. She always knew that the man the Gotham authorities were so hell-bent on capturing had infinite layers to him. They’d discussed it during the sitting sessions, when he’d asked her why she’d drawn those pictures for the newspaper.


“I was hoping you’d see them for what they were, my way of reaching out to you.”


“And reach out you did, Peaches! Aren’t you glad I took notice? Now here we are: me, the mass-murdering psychopathic killer clown and you, the meek, mild-mannered poster child for baseball, hotdogs, apple pie and Chevrolet – HA HA HA ha… well, why aren’t you laughing, Podling? Don’tcha get the reference? That old Chevy commercial touting all those great American institutions?”


“I’m uh…I’m kinda Canadian.”


And ohhhh, how he’d laughed at that, not at the fact that she was Canadian, but at how she’d informed him. From there, their discussion developed into how people perceive each other and how a person can be pigeonholed into one little category out of which they have absolutely no hope of ever clawing their way clear. He seemed so normal and was so funny, far from the maniac he portrayed himself to be in the home movies he’d sent to GCN.


Now here they were swaying to the sultry sounds of Ella Fitzgerald, his kohl-smudged eyes boring their way into hers. Julie had always found him fascinating but, now…now, she was just completely in love with him. When he took control in the car, that was what clinched it for her. She was lost to Joker’s every charm.


They danced one more dance before dinner. Joker spun Julie about with grace and skill to Artie Shaw’s “Frenesi,” as people watched in curious awe and not a small amount of fear that they were beholding one of Gotham’s most dangerous criminals owning the dance floor with a woman dressed just like him as they danced the Lindy Hop.


The winded couple sat down and enjoyed a wonderful dinner of baked chicken, baked sweet potato, mixed vegetables, rolls, and hot blueberry pie with ice cream for dessert. While they were eating the main course, Joker leaned over and turned his head slightly, squinting his eyes and smiling.

The Date )

tinhuviel: (Joker_Glare)

“So, J, you ready?”

“Oh yes! Yes, I’m so very ready, Tootsie Pop-p.” Joker came over and sat down in the tattered easy chair they’d chosen for him to sit in for the painting. Julie said she could touch up the chair in the painting to where it would look opulent. The pose chosen was Joker sitting back all the way, his arms stretched out the length of the chair arms, a glowering expression on his face. It wasn’t much of an effort for him and it seemed to delight Julie that she was getting to paint her favourite subject in his element, so to speak. His legs, too, were outstretched and crossed languidly at the lower thigh.

“This is just for touch ups, Mister J. Then we’ll be done. We’ll just have to wait for the painting to dry and it’s yours if you want it.”

“And that’s it? No payment?”

“No!” Julie blurted out, then blushed. “No.. I mean, it was just an honour to get to do this, and do it right! I could probably do a thousand things better, but I think you’ll be pleased.”

“Oh, well, Sweetums, I’m already pleased-d. What say, if you won’t take payment forrr the piece, I take you for a night on the town. You know…just to show my appreee-shee-ay-shun-n.”


“What? Afraid to go on a date with the Clown Prince of Crime? Or ashamed-d?”

“No no! I’d love to! But are you sure? I mean….really?

Joker grinned, allowing the smile to stretch forever, knowing how it would make Julie feel. She was so smitten with him, it was ridiculous. “Why, I’d have it-t no…other…way, Ms. Carlsbad. So, how about this Saturday? I’ll pick you up around, saaaay, 7:00? There’s this romantic little joint nearrr here that may – ah – tickle your fancy. Dining, dancing, all that good-d stuff.”

Julie’s freckles turned bright red, she blushed so furiously. “Ookaay, J.”

“Okay. A date it izzz. Now, let’s see the finished product-t. Can’t wait to see it. I’m all a-dither.”

Julie turned the canvas around to reveal her painting of Joker. There he sat in a dark blue velvet easy chair, his arms extended in an almost three-dimensional effect. Same with his legs. He leaned back languidly, his head inclined downward with one eyebrow cocked with amusement. His war-paint had been meticulously applied to the painting itself, covering the scars in a mad grin made all the crazier by the delighted smirk he’d maintained for the duration of the painting. His green hair tumbled in chaotic curls down the sides of his face, some teasing the edges of his panda eyes. He was in his signature almost-Zoot suit with the Paisley shirt instead of the beehive shirt, and the Argyle socks were clearly noticeable. All-in-all, the painting was a love letter in imagery. How sweet.

Sidney's Extreme Discomfort )

tinhuviel: (Joker_Glare)
Have I proofed? Hell no. I'm too strapped for time. [livejournal.com profile] luvthyjoker, enjoy! And, if you come across any glaring typos or other horrid mistakes, let me know and I'll fix it. On to NaNo! ::mad cackles::

This Date is dedicated to Meg Farley, who drew for me the best art I’ve ever had drawn in honor of my stories. You can find all of her fantastic work, including the two pieces she did for me, on her Deviant Art Page. She’s also a big Joker fan and an avid gory horror movie aficionado. Combine those two, and you have a nifty Date Night just begging to be written. It didn’t hurt that she’d always wanted to be murdered in a story. It was…::does the Fosse hands::…DESTINY


Some notes of importance:

·         Joker in a pimped out ride is my attempt at dream realisation. I listen to a lot of the songs J has on his iPod (because they’re…identical) and I often find myself wishing to God I had a pimped out ride in which to better listen to a lot of my tunes. And, yes, I turn and nod knowingly at people at red lights. I’m my own Joker. Deal.

·         The Lindey Hop is a real dance. Look it up.

·         The Stage Door Canteen is named for a song on my iPod-d. Look it up.

·         This is my second fanfic written after my Head J became Reconciled J. Folks who read it may see one J or the other here and there. That’s what happens when you’re writing fanfic about a character that’s been played by more than one person, has been animated, committed to graphic novel, and is the manifestation of the Trickster archetype known by many names, the most popular being Loki and Coyote. That said, there’s a bit of The Mask in there, too. How else would he know the Lindey Hop and Jitterbug? Better to have one Reconciled J merged with your own personal J than have 1001 “crazy” clowns scampering about in your head, especially when you suffer from coulraphobia.

·         In-Jokes: If any of you get ‘Garmonbozia,’ ‘Respectable Street,’ ‘Shah-day, not Shar-day,’ J’s dislike for apologies, and the playing of “Soul Bossa Nova,” at the time Joker really starts to work his mojo on Julie, email me and, if you’re right, I’ll give you a cookie online…everywhere…and people will all be like WTF? Unless you want me to tell why you’re getting the cookie.

·         J wearing a Paisley shirt for special occasions is a nod of appreciation and affection for Sweet Sophie ([info]paisleydaze). The ellipses and tildes are all in honour of Jill ([info]gunslingaaahhh). Without her, Billshat would remain nameless and not nearly as hilarious.  


The Artist’s Date

He sat in the front seat of the vehicle with Sidney at the wheel. On the iPod there blared “Deuces” by AcHoZeN. It made the car throb, and rightfully so, considering Joker’s henchmen had stolen one of the most pimped-out cars that ever dared roll upon the dingy asphalt roads of Gotham City.


Sidney slowed the car to a halt at a red light and Joker rolled his eyes. As long as he was in this ride, he was compelled to turn to the people next to him at a red light and nod knowingly to the beat of his tunes. Slowly, Joker turned his head to see a family of five sitting in a gigantic SUV. It towered over his 1976 Buick Regal, sparkling in its purple glitter finish in the setting Gotham sun. He smirked and nodded at the family, who stared back in horror at the most wanted man in Gotham, styling in a blinged-out 33-year old vehicle that shook with hydraulics that trembled to be used.


On impulse, Joker rolled down his window, and let the sound of “Deuces” blast out at the family. He motioned for the father and driver to roll his own window down. The man did out of some misplaced politeness.


“Don’t you knowww it isn’t polite to starre?” Joker asked the man.




Joker smoothly aimed his sawed off shotgun out the window at the man. “You can’t stare if you don’t have eyes, isn’t that right-t?”


Joker sees himself )

About that time the light turned green and the man gunned his SUV. Joker cackled with glee as Sidney began to pull forward at a normal rate of speed.


“Y’know boss, it’s kind of hard not to stare at this car.”


“Which is exactly why I plan on turning the goons who stole this monstrosity for my use into mince meat at my earliest convenience. For nowww, though, I have a preeety little little ladeee to pick up for our penullltimate date and I don’t want to be late, so can we put the pedal to the metal just a tad-d Sidney, hm?”


Sidney sped up just a little. He didn’t want to draw too much attention, despite the car. If they were stopped by the police, there’d be a bloodbath and Joker would be picking Julie up in a cop car instead. Despite his career in crime, Sidney tried to keep the bloodshed to a minimum, especially with Joker involved. It was a difficult job to say the least.


“Boss…” Sidney began.


“What-t, Sidney?”


“Is it… Is it really necessary to go on this date? I mean, can’t you just leave Julie to her own devices?”


“Bustin’ Loose” by Check Brown and the Soul Searchers undulated from the gigantic speakers that had been installed in Joker’s sweet new ride. It was all very surreal to Sidney.


“Whhhaaaat-t? And let her splash my face all over the place? If anyone is going to do thaaat, it’ulll be mee, Sidney. No no no no…No. Time to show Julie that lovely romantic evening I promised her. You know what to do.”


Sidney sighed. He knew. He wished he’d never brought that newspaper to J’s attention…


Wind the clocks back a couple of weeks…


Sidney bought a Gotham Times and saw an illustration of Joker on the front page of the newspaper. Not a photograph, not this time. It was a flawless pencil illustration of his boss splashed across the front page with the caption “Public Enemy Number 1.” What was he, now, James Cagney?


But the illustration was striking in that you could see the man underneath the war paint and that was alarming to Sidney. How could the boss ever go out without the war paint if he were ID’d by an artist who had too good of an eye?


He took the paper back to their mill house and, finding Joker in the kitchen swilling down copious amounts of Irish Breakfast tea and scarfing down five pieces of toast, Sidney opened the folded paper in front of him and let him see for himself.


Joker stopped in half-chew and just stared.


“That-t…is meee!”


“Yeah, boss.”


“Not just me, but me – me!”


“Yeah, boss.”


Joker shoved the rest of the toast in his mouth and slowly took the paper. He studied it like an archaeologist staring at pottery chip in Egypt. Then he cut his eyes to Sidney.


“Oh… She’s goooood.”


“Why do you say ‘she,’ J?”


“A man wouldn’t draw me this well. There are layers to this picture. The one who drew this is in-vest-ted-d. She may have drawn it for the Gotham Times to try to catch me, but she’s enthralled with the subject matter. A man would not be that – ah – fascinated-d. Ha. Let me see herrrre…”


Joker rifled through the pages of the paper and found the credits.


“AHA! What did I tell you, Sidney? Right…herrrre… Julie Carlsbad. Well, let-t us go.”


“Where, J?”


“Well, to see Julie of course! I’ll take my laptop with me so’s I can locate this little minx… Shame on her for exposing me like this! This just…won’t…doooo.”


Sidney got the car, a plain blue Nissan Sentra at this time, but it was being looked for, so they’d have to change cars soon. He waited out front for Joker, who soon emerged in his long violet coat and gloves, his laptop clamped under his right arm. He was tossing Cupid up in the air and catching it with a flourish. This was the end of Julie Carlsbad, Sidney just knew it.


Joker opened the front door and jumped in. Only with Sidney did he occasionally ride shotgun…often literally. Upon closer inspection, Sidney noted that J was wearing his special maroon and cream Paisley shirt, a dark blue tie, and his signature green vest and navy pinstripes. He probably had on the Argyles as well, but Sidney couldn’t see without craning his neck and he didn’t want to seem that obvious.


“Paisley shirt, boss? That special of a day?”


“Well, you don’t often get to meet a not-so-secret admirerrr, Sidney. Better to be spiff than to look all ratty, don’tcha think-k?”


“I’ve never had an admirer, J, so I can’t really say.”


“HEE! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Stick with me, Sidney. I’ll show you how to be a smoooooth operator before you can say ‘It’s SHAH-DAY not SHAR-DAY, you fucking moron!’”


Sidney joined in on the off-the-hook cackling as they pulled away from the curb and out into the sparse traffic. Still laughing, Joker opened up his laptop and started ticking away furiously. When they came to the first red light, Sidney asked Joker which way he should go.


“Straight-t. Just keep going straight until I find herrr…”


So Sidney kept going straight until he reached the bridge to the Narrows. He was about to continue on when a purple-gloved hand grabbed his arm. “No no no, Sidney. Don’t ever everrr take me over there. I’ll cross thaaat bridge when I come to it in an armoured police vehicle, you got me?”


Sidney let his eyes crawl over the Gothic structure of Arkham Asylum, watching over Gotham’s disenfranchised like a hungry gargoyle. “I’m sorry, boss. I didn’t think.”


“Don’t apologiiise. You know I hate that. Just...turn around. I think I found her.”


Sidney dutifully turned the Sentra around and zizzed back from whence they came. He began to get directions from the Joker.


“Okaaaay, Sidney, turn right here on Grey Street. Go approximateleee, one point-t five miles, then turn right onto McKatet. Hey, Sidney, I sound like one of those Garmans. I prefer Gar-mon-bo-zia, though. Ha.. Yes, here’s McKatet. Now…make a left here onto Wheaton, and then turn immediateleee onto Respec-ta-bull Street. Who knew there was a Respec-ta-bull Street in Gotham City, Sidney? I didn’t know there was a thing reee-spec-ta-bull about this hellhole! HAHAHAHAHAHA!”


Joining in the laughter, Sidney continued to drive until Joker screamed, “Staaahhp! Right there, this building. Full of studio apartments, I’m surrre. She is an arteeest after all! Be right back, Sid. Don’t go anywhere!”


Joker jumped out of the car, leaving his laptop behind, then popped his head back in. “Surrrf the ‘Net if ya wanna, Sid-d. I know how you like to watch those Hulu-hoop shows. Maybe you can catch that movie you’ve been wanting to watch about candy.”


“Sure, boss,” Sidney said, agreeably. Of course, Joker meant Netflix and the movie was called Candy, but J wasn’t known for his savvy on the Internet except for tactical maneuvers, so Sidney had learned to just grin and bear it.


Julie Carlsbad had her back to the door of her studio apartment. He stood looking at the wall, the canvas that was vexing her behind her, sitting in silent mockery. She just couldn’t seem to get the painting right. She’d drawn him many times but, the larger she tried to go, the less it looked like him, at least in her opinion. But Julie was her own worst critic.


“UGH!” She growled at the wall in front of her. “UGH UGH! Why can’t you just be easy?”


On closer inspection, there was a small picture on the wall. It was a picture of the Joker, printed from the Internet. She was talking to him.


“Well, hello there…”


Julie let loose a full-throated shriek as she spun and threw her back against the wall, knocking loose the picture she’d been been addressing in frustration. When she saw who it was who’d said hello, Julie screamed again.


J looked at her, vague amusement twinkling in his kohl-rubbed eyes. She was a tall young woman with stick-straight blonde hair that featured swaths of green, red, and blue throughout. Her fox face was make-up free, but was decorated with an almost leopard-print of freckles right across the nose and cheeks.


“Jumpy thing, aren’tcha?” he observed, pulling off one glove, then the other, with zero concern in his voice or body language.


“Get out get out! I’ll call the cops! Omigod, get out!”


Joker noted that Julie was mustering all the forcefulness she could in her naturally meek voice.


Bending toward her and cocking his head to the right in one smooth movement, Joker simply said, “NO!”


He didn’t even shout it, he just said it with conviction. And this turned on the faucets. Julie began to cry with fright. “How – how did you get in here? Please, just go! Please?”


“I’m a criminal, remember, Will-O-Wisp. I got in using my – ah – superior criminal wiiiiles. So whatcha painting therrre, hm?”


“No no! It’s none of your business, just please leave!”


“I said-d NO!” Joker started toward Julie who began to jump on the balls of her feet out of panic. He didn’t care. He wanted to see the painting and he wanted to get closer to her to see just how panicked she’d get. Part of him hoped she’d pass out from the excitement because she wasn’t nearly so frightened as she was embarrassed and excited. Oh yes, she had a bad crush on somebody and his name began with the letter J. Joker began to giggle under his breath as he approached her.


“Please don’t kill me.”


“Oh, I think you’d rather me kill you than look at this painting of yours, Chick-o-stix. So what’s it gonna be – a peek at the picture or a blade in the breastbone?”


Julie quieted down and pressed herself even harder into the white plaster wall behind her as Joker rounded the canvas to see what all the hubbub was about. He found that he was staring back at himself. She was really good, this artist. The painting was from a photograph taken of him by a security camera on an armoured car service’s truck. The vehicle had been packed to the gills with cashola the Joker had wanted. He didn’t care that he was being filmed and photographed murdering the driver and commandeering the vehicle. He just wanted that money so he could buy more toys and people, not that there was any difference between the two. People were just toys that didn’t know when to shut up usually. The photo Julie was working from was of Joker looking directly into the camera and sporting a winning, shit-eating grin. His right cheek was spattered lightly with the blood of the former driver and his green hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail. All-in-all, it was a pretty flattering photo of him, and the painting was even better, or it would be when it was finished.


“Oh, I like this, Julie. When it’s finished, I may even buy it from you.”


“I – I’m not finishing it. It’s horrible. I can’t get it right.”


“Wwwhaaaaat-t? No, see, you have no choice. Well, actu-a-leee, you do. You can either finish this painting or I’ll sit for you.”


Julie froze, her eyes widening into large circles of surprise. “Whaaat?”


“Oh, you’re imitating me now, too?” Joker produced his Cupid and flicked it open, pointing it Julie with an admonishing gesture. “It’s not polite to make fun, didn’t your motherrr ever teach you that-t?”


“No! I mean yes! I mean….I don’t know what I mean! I was just – shocked is all. You’d sit for me? Me?


Joker shot Julie a smouldering glance and let his tongue dance across his lips in a playful seduction. “I saw your art-t in the newspaper. You’re verrrry good at what you do, ragamuffin. Too good. Anyone who cares to take notice can see the real me underneath the war paint in your lit-tle illustration. That won’t do. So…”


And Joker swept his curly locks away from his face as he plopped down on the cracked vinyl sofa near the canvas. He looked up at Julie, who remained frozen against the wall. So….” He continued. “I’ll sit for you if you stop drawing those little pictures for the Gotham Times. We can’t have the Great-t Unwashed identifying the man beneath the clown as you obviously already have with your keen little artist’s eye…”


So an agreement was made. And, over the course of two weeks, Joker visited Julie every day and sat for her as she painted him. It turned out that, yes, she was a great admirer of his. Crazy about him, to be exact. And she was fascinated with his face, how it was constructed and how the scars had only served to bring out the best aspects of his features. He didn’t mind Julie discussing his scars, but he did wonder why she never asked how he got them. During their time together, Joker learned that Julie was a hopeless romantic. It was in her movie collection.


While he was waiting for her to get the paint mixed and ready, Joker studied Julie’s vast movie collection. Besides a fair amount of horror, she also had a huge collection of old-fashioned romances like The Strawberry Blonde and Bringing Up Baby. There was another movie that caught Joker’s eye, too, and it gave him a little hitch in the underpants to boot: The Secretary. Now that was a movie only a certain kind of woman would have in her collection… Just thinking about it made Joker narrow his eyes and let his grin spread out across his face like the Grinch who was about to steal Christmas.

tinhuviel: (Cliffs of Insanity (backseat))
I'm in the process of wrapping up yet another Date story, this one being called "The Artist's Date." And, yes, it's a kind of creative payment for art done for me. I think that's how all creative people should gift one another, with the products of their creative effort. I was gifted with some art inspired by "The Sainted Confessor." As a result, I'm writing "The Artist's Date" in return. I'd like to see it paid forward to see how it manifests from one creator to another. It's that creative spark that inspired the first cave paintings and has been running along the longest dynamite fuse of all time. Once the spark hits that dynamite, who knows what will happen? Oh, that's right...2012!

As soon as I finish "The Artist's Date," I need to complete my outline of The Blood Crown for NaNoWriMo. "The Sainted Confessor" was always going to be the largest chapter in the book and, since I had to go ahead and write it thanks to anchoring Faust to the worst person on Earth, it totally messes with my word count for NaNo. It reached novella status, it got so huge (38,605 words!), and I actually had to break it down into mini-chapters. They are entitled: "The Timeless Vagabond," "Session One," "Session Two," "Session Three," "Session Four," and "The Incorruptible Dove." If I reach my 50k for NaNo, the novel will be right at 89,000 words. The Chalice is 88,650 words. That said, I'm thinking that The Vampire Relics will be one great big book with three pretty decent-sized parts. I'll leave a decision like that, though, to my editor. ;)

I know I haven't been the most communicative person of late, thanks to my involvement with The Joker Blogs. Since I'm participating in NaNoWriMo, it's not going to be much better, but I do plan on writing about my progress here. Hopefully, I can keep up with my f-list on a certain level too. I hope so. I miss everyone here.

Speaking of The Joker Blogs, I'll be busy tomorrow getting ready for a double release of Bloggy Goodness Saturday morning. At least that's the plan, not that any of us officially plan anything, in the tradition of The Joker in TDK. We all just "do things." But I will say that I'm slowly preparing for the viral onslaught come Saturday. And I'm pleased that the Halloween task instructions seem pretty clear. No one has really asked "what the hell does this mean?" So I guess I did my job there okay. I love writing out task instructions and Blog synopses, among other things, for Dude. I can't say I've enjoyed doing something this much in a very long time. I'll be sad to see it end.

As for doing things for The Joker Blogs and participating in NaNoWriMo, I don't know where my head is, but I'm going to attempt to do both. The only reason I'm doing NaNo is to finish The Blood Crown. If I don't make my 50k because I'm busy with The Joker Blogs, then so be it. I made a promise months ago and I intend to stand by that promise no matter what. Either way, I'll be winning because I'll be that much closer, if not finished with, The Blood Crown. And then I can move on to The Augury of Gideon.

Aunt Tudi and I have errands to run early tomorrow morning. I'll be purchasing more energy shots while I'm out...just in case. If they aren't needed, then at least I'll have them for NaNoWriMo and don't think I won't use them. I'm a maniac.
tinhuviel: (Tribe)
The absolute coolest video birthday wish ever made in the history of humankind.


tinhuviel: (Why So Tinhuviel?)

Aunt Tudi had her other trigger finger surgery today. Before we left for the surgery suite, she had to see the doctor and sign paperwork and whatnot. So we did that. As we left, the receptionist stopped me and asked, “Girl, what is that on your shirt? Is that….is that the Joker?

“Nooooo! This is Darth Maul!” I said proudly, popping my boobs out a tad to accentuate Maul’s gigantic face. “You know, from Star Wars?”

She gave me this incredulous look, which told me she knew naught of which I was speaking. That made me rather sad, but what also flipped me out was that she’d confuse Maul of people with The Joker. What? I mean….really? You’ve got to be…joking me!

But I took it as a “sign from God” that I should use this opportunity, and use it, I did. “Do you like the Joker?” I asked.

“Oh no…but my daughter…” Eye roll with obligatory ‘pfffft…’ “She’s crazy about him. She loves that Joker!”

And she meant that, not getting the Burton in-joke she just shared with me.

“Well, if she loves the Joker, boy have I got something she will adore! Tell her to go to this site and watch all the episodes in order, they’re numbered. Then tell her that, if she likes them, once she stops laughing her butt off, she needs to subscribe to the channel and then visit this site and join the forum. Have her join in the conversation about the Blogs and take part in the tasks to come, ‘cos it’s gonna be lots of fun and, if you’re a Joker fan, it’s gonna be a blast.”

She took the URLs I’d written down for her to give to her daughter, then looked up at me. “So this isn’t Heath Ledger doing this?”

“No, it’s a young actor who’s picked up the Joker where Heath left him off. It’s a kind of a tribute to Heath Ledger and his brilliant performance, but the actor has also made the Joker character his own. We’re hoping that Nolan will take notice of him but, if he doesn’t we’re also hoping that his brilliant acting in this and in other things will pave a clear road straight to success in his career as an actor.”

“Oh so you know him?”

“Well, no, not really. Well, kinda. Well, I know of him. Well, I sort of know him. Okay, it’s kind of complicated. We’re all calling him Blog Boy until he takes off the Joker war paint, so let your daughter know that’s his unofficial name at the moment. Either that or Joker Blogs Dude. Or whatever she wants to call him.”

“What’s his name?”

“I can’t tell you that. Just pass those on to her. Watch them yourself! I bet you’ll find them hilarious! And, if you need to get in touch with me over there, I’m Tinhuviel on the TJB.com website.” And I wrote my name on the paper as well.

So a woman mistakenly identifying Sith Lord Darth Maul as the Joker of all people may have gotten two more converts to The Joker Blogs.

Still though….Darth Maul? The Joker? Ne’er the twain should meet! Somehow they did….

A Sith Lord PR Ninja’s work is never done.

OH PS: What do you think of my icon? [livejournal.com profile] luvthyjoker made it because she is a freakin' MASTER at Photoshop. The End-d.

tinhuviel: (Angry Writer)
I'd love nothing more than to manifest a character of mine into my presence just so I could stab her to death myself in real life. Trust me, Joker, you get all the fun I'll never have, you crazy bastard.
tinhuviel: (Joker_Blogs_Dude)
Why? "Fascination Street."

Lyrics here:

Oh it’s opening time
Down on fascination street
So let’s cut the conversation
And get out for a bit
Because I feel it all fading and paling
And I’m begging to drag you down with me
To kick the last nail in
Yeah I like you in that like I like you to scream
But if you open your mouth then I cant be responsible for
Quite what goes in or to care what comes out
So just pull on your hair
Just pull on your pout
And let’s move to the beat
Like we know that it’s over
If you slip going under
Slip over my shoulder
So just pull on your face
Just pull on your feet
And let’s hit opening time
Down on fascination street
So pull on your hair
Pull on your pout
Cut the conversation just open your mouth
Pull on your face pull on your feet
And let’s hit opening time
Down on fascination street

Because it plays an important part in The Nun's Date. The street on which Our Lady of the Holy Waters is located on Fascination Street in Gotham City. Why? Why not? Well, there is a why. From the very beginning, I always associated Heath Ledger's Joker with the Spider Man (not Spidey) from the Cure's "Lullaby." I saw the 'Ha' poster in Wal-Mart of all places months before I fell victim to the character's charms, and I'd stand and just stare at J, wondering where I'd seen that expression before. Once I finally made the connection, I was hooked.

As for a Fascination Street being in Gotham, it was just a thing I did because I'll forever connect J with Robert Smith. It's how I roll.

Just as a spoiler, the nun will end up back on Fascination Street at Our Lady of the Holy Waters. It's not far from Wayne Manor. I know how and I know why (maybe), but I just can't seem to get it written. Maybe if I stopped watching Cure videos, I'd actually do something constructive.
tinhuviel: (Joker_Upside Down)
I've been incommunicado because I've been scrambling to keep up with all the crap being piled on me at school. Although I've handled most of it pretty well, I'm glad that it's almost over, even though I have another webcam speech to prepare and I have to do a Power Point presentation. I don't like doing in-person stuff. Just let me write about it all and remain happily quiet; however, I'm afraid that more speeches and presentations are in my educational future, so I'm going to force myself to get used to them via the fantastic medium of ..... webcam. Goddess help me. Woe unto the masses who find themselves starring at my scary face and listening to me babble! Surely it's another sign of the Alpaca Lips.

Last night, I took a wild hair and wrote this dude.. or group of dudes and dudettes.. or whoever/whatever they are. He/She/They wrote me back. Imagine that. The Joker Blogs troupe seem very open to responding to folks who reach out to them. So, if you take my wild hair, go ahead and do it and see what happens. I dare you. I double-dog dare you. Hell, I triple-dog dare ya, wise guys! In all seriousness, I'm deeply impressed by the actor who plays the Joker in these vignettes. He deserves some sort of recognition for keeping the character, as envisioned by Heath Ledger, alive and well and doing one hell of a job it. If you haven't, go watch the Joker Blogs in succession. If it doesn't tickle your funny bone, then you'll know you've been abducted by the Greys, who removed it under cover of the night.
tinhuviel: (Joker_Upside Down)
Sorry to disappoint, but it's not what you think!

Barney and the Joker )
tinhuviel: (Joker_Ledge)
....but it'll get there. I was surprised as hell to fine Barney from The Hannibal series making an appearance in this here story, but it tickles me to death to find him popping into J's Arkham cell!

so far, so good, or not so good. YOU be the judge! )
tinhuviel: (Joker_Upside Down)
I highly recommend anyone reading this watch the entire series. They're hilarious and the actor who play J is scarily J-like. If Nolan ever decides to resurrect J, this guy should get the starring role. I'm serious. No, seriously. I'm damned impressed. If you aren't, then go to aytch-ee-double-hockey-sticks. So nyah.

And I'd give someone else's left foot for a WWJD tee. Wearing something like that on the buckle of the Bible Belt would be exactly like something Mister J would do proudly, with glee, and with tons and tons of misanthropic malice. So yeah. Heh! If I have enough moolah out of the next paycheck, Cafepress is a-gettin' somma muh business!
tinhuviel: (Joker_Bitch)
This one is bad. So very bad. But short! And kind of inspired by all those Joker groupies out there. What are these chick's thinking? ::shakes head in perplexity::

cut for triggery stuff, sexual situations, child abuse, and clown debauchery )
tinhuviel: (Joker_Bitch)
Kind of a celebration for finally finishing that horrible Access project, I wrote this in about ten minutes. Not sure if it'll be part of the Date Night Series, but I'm definitely not finished with it. Just posting what I have for the fun of it.

cut for triggery sexual situations. click with caution )
tinhuviel: (Joker_Glare)
Orright, here's part two. This part is LJ-cut for highly erotic and extremely sexual situations, violence, more music and movie references (including and glaring Heath nod and even a 'Firefly' nod), language, and highly erotic and extremely sexual situations (that needed saying twice, they're that bad...or good...depending on your POV). Again, this is my fantasy, so just bear that in mind, 'kay? 'Kay.  Oh, and please let me know of any problems with the story (both plot and language) as I did not proofread this in the least.  Bad writer!  No bone!

The kiss grew warm and luxuriant, like a leopard's yawn. )
tinhuviel: (Joker_Glare)
I had to split this one in half because of LJ's truncation law. I really really really hate that freakin' law.  Anyways, I'm posting this with ZERO proofreading, so I implore you to note any glaring mistakes (grammatical, spelling, plot-holes, etc etc etc).  Cut for misanthropy, language, coffee, music- and movie- references.  It should also be known that this is my own personal fantasy, so take that as you will. 

The Joker goes hedgehog hunting )
tinhuviel: (Joker_Ledge)
Thanks to my scattered thoughts and abundant homework, I didn't finish my latest Joker fic the way I'd wanted to. Hopefully tomorrow will bring me more success. Blah.
tinhuviel: (Scars)
Okay, here's the second part. I hate that truncation rule here on LJ. Dammit...

cut for length and debauchery! )
tinhuviel: (Scars)
Finished! Posting here first for any editing issues I'm overlooking.

Acting! )
tinhuviel: (Joker)
I'm crappy at Photoshop, but I don't care. This needed doin', so I dood it.

gooood kittieee )
tinhuviel: (Joker_Ledge)
I started on fic #6 today. Here's what I have so far.

I cut you up, I watched you bleed )
tinhuviel: (Sexy Joker)
On my way from my Human Thought class to my Computer class, I swung by the Big PO to see what bad news was there waiting for me. Nestled in amongst the bills was a yellow card indicating I had something waiting on me in the office that was too big to fit in my PO Box. I inched myself into the office and said to Martha "gimme my package, beyotch!" Well, I didn't put it that way, but I thought it just for shits and giggles. How was I to know that my anti-social behaviour was about to be put in overdrive, thanks to [livejournal.com profile] booraven22?

It was an Amazon box, which always means Christmahanukwanzayule has come again! I took my box, thanked Martha, then hobbled out to the car to rip the corrugation up with a little knife I keep in the car. It's my letter opener. I don't use it for anything else, so don't get your collective panties in a bunch. I got the box open and, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a giant Chelsea Grin with no tiny reindeer. I picked up the accompanying note and read:
Thought you could use some additional inspiration. Your Sithly sister, [livejournal.com profile] booraven22

How sweet! I exclaimed in my skull, and I rifled through the pages of the graphic novel she'd sent me. It looks absolutely delicious and I can't wait to sit down in a dark corner and read it with relish. The book is called Joker and it's by Brian Azzarello and Lee Bermejo. I'm in luff. Luff, I tell you, luff.

So, thank you, Boo, for making an otherwise bleak day Uber-Fantastico!
tinhuviel: (Scars)
I had fun with this one. It may not be the best of the series, but having fun means it's a success in my book. So there. Enjoy! If you don't, well....there will be more, more than likely!

Living Dead Girl )
tinhuviel: (Joker_Ledge)
Before bed, which is where I'm going right about now. And, before anybody even thinks of asking, the answer is YES, they'll be dancing to the Voltaire song.

'All master criminals are required to take a ballroom dancing course. The Cha-Cha, the Rumba, the Tang-go. I'm a pro, baby.' )

I have one more thing of note to write about before I head that way, and then I'm going to sleep for a few hours, Goddess Willing.
tinhuviel: (Joker_Upside Down)
Yeah, I'm obsessed, but I do so enjoy writing the Joker. It's fun! It's like writing Cadmus, but with a sense of humour. I dunno, I can't explain sufficiently to my satisfaction. Anyway, here's the beginning of "The Goth Chick's Date aka The One That Got away."   It pretty much picks up where "The Dentist's Date" left off.  Any critiques or input is very deeply appreciated.

excerpt )
tinhuviel: (Snow)
The weather seems to have knocked out the Weather Channel's signal. ::snicker::

Oh and... It had to be done )

New Icon

Feb. 28th, 2009 07:58 pm
tinhuviel: (Joker_Upside Down)
I made it. I'm rather proud of it. Feel free to steal if'n you wanna.

August 2017

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