Part of me wishes I had, somewhere along my path as Pagan, been trusted and embraced enough to be intiated in ANY sort of way, to be that bonded, like family, to others...
But then I recall the training/initiation process I went through to be able to do Reiki healing. I really-really struggled with a desire to confront, to escape... I had surges of suspicious rage and things that felt like claustrophobia...
I tell myself I am a Pagan solitaire, a witch... I am not sure there is a witch anywhere who would sincerely agree with me, or regard me as a likely 'fit' for their coven, or family, or whatever.
My husband and I recently reflected on how we came to be living in such profound iscolation, eternal pergatory... The one good I see is the kids are not lazy, take nothing for granted, and have an intense investment in being both 'true' to the family, and 'true' to their own callings, their own futures, personal unfoldment...
Yeah, the one thing I detest about many-many people who HAVE secure community membership is they get petty, cruel, and complacent.
So, I am solitaire, and the only one I know who would call me 'witch.'
Envy? Or anxiety?
Date: 2006-04-10 01:13 am (UTC)Part of me wishes I had, somewhere along my path as Pagan, been trusted and embraced enough to be intiated in ANY sort of way, to be that bonded, like family, to others...
But then I recall the training/initiation process I went through to be able to do Reiki healing. I really-really struggled with a desire to confront, to escape... I had surges of suspicious rage and things that felt like claustrophobia...
I tell myself I am a Pagan solitaire, a witch... I am not sure there is a witch anywhere who would sincerely agree with me, or regard me as a likely 'fit' for their coven, or family, or whatever.
My husband and I recently reflected on how we came to be living in such profound iscolation, eternal pergatory... The one good I see is the kids are not lazy, take nothing for granted, and have an intense investment in being both 'true' to the family, and 'true' to their own callings, their own futures, personal unfoldment...
Yeah, the one thing I detest about many-many people who HAVE secure community membership is they get petty, cruel, and complacent.
So, I am solitaire, and the only one I know who would call me 'witch.'