Tinhuviel Artanis

I feel like I'm even more of a freak than usual. I see all the people on TV, not to mention the folks online, who are connected to another person, speaking of love and devotion. All of it seems alien to me. I appreciate friendship and feel a close kinship to a handful of people, but I have no interest in romance. I was heading in that direction when Llew was still with us. I didn't even want him touching me. When he left, I barely cried. I'm more remorseful now than I was when he went to Pennsylvania, because it bothers me that he died lonely and alone. Now, I have no interest whatsoever in getting involved romantically with another person. If it never happened again, it would be too soon. Is this part of my depression, or possibly a hormonal influence? I don't know and, frankly, I don't really care.

I got confirmation today of something I've known in my bones for a very long time. Llew is dead. He wrote me on the 23rd of December 2008, telling me that he was planning on killing himself. This had been the umpteenth letter like this I'd gotten from him and I'd actually contacted authorities in the town he was in in Pennsylvania, asking them to try to find him. I did everything I could short of letting him come back to my home, which was no longer an option for him. When he left to go to Pennsylvania in the Summer of 2008, I told him then that it was a permanent departure, there was no turning back. He chose to leave anyway.

Dear Tracy

 

I hope you didn't delete this as soon as you saw it. I wouldnt blame you if you did. I am out of options and money. I make no threat here, only state facts. Sorry I left you like everyone else. I am not the man you thought I was. I didn't know my limitations either. Sorry. You deserve so much better. It has turned into a disaster for me and I must pay the price. I have lost every friend I ever had including my daughter so I hope you go on as I had never existed. It's a new world ful of people and there is no room left for old fucks like me. Relaity sucks anyway and I am so damned tired of it all.

 

The state has given me $50 to "Return to SC." As If.......

 

there is no point so I won't even think of it. Thank you for caring too much . It is soooo your way. Bless ya, lassie. You will be the one I see when I close my eyes. There is no room in my heart for any other.

 

Bye,

Lew

And so this chapter is closed for good. I hope he has finally found the peace in death he never could find in life.

After filling out way too many applications, taking a 10-key test that gave me one error our of 26k strokes, and driving not quite 150 miles, I'm cooked. Right now, I don't really care if I ever get another job. I'm ready to put a lily on my chest and start playing one of those cartoon harps.

No word from Llew.

Sick sick sick of it. No more. Edging more open with each injustice, my eyes are wide once more.

Llew just called to let me know he made it safely to Pennsylvania. It's somewhere near Allentown, or so I understand. At this point, I don't much care. Just glad he's there safely and I hope his daughter doesn't screw him over like she's oh so prone to do. He may have been in a long line of people to abandon me, but no one deserves to be abused, especially by their one and only child.

I used to make these friends-only posts, but why bother?

This is your get-out-of-jail-free card. If don't want to read my rants and ravings, please defriend me now. I'm not in a very charitable mood at the mo. So there you have it.

Shriekback brought us together.

Family rips us apart.

He's packing to leave for Pennsylvania as I write this. I'll never see him again. I'll never trust again.

I'm tired of being abandoned. I'm happy on my own. Or at least I'm not unhappy on my own.

The worst part part is being a creature of habit. He's been here a year. I'm used to him I love him, but I'm used to him more. It will pain me to see the animals looking for someone they adore and wondering why he all of a sudden vanished with nary an explanation. I'm heartbroken.

I think I need xanax. Or sometime. All I want to do is sleep until it all goes away. Please just let it all go away.

We got rain overnight and this morning. The wind blew and wet the porch thoroughly. Everything was wet and the rain continued in earnest when I got up and bade the dogs go outside for their morning constitutional. It only stands to reason that none of them want to go outside when it's that nasty, but they have to go. Using the bathroom is a necessity and it's imperative that the dogs do their business out of doors. I finally got them all to go, but Chester never left the porch. When he came back in, he proceeded to do something he's done since puppyhood, despite my efforts to steer him away from it; he pooped on the floor. We cleaned it up, like we always do, then gave Chester the hair eyeball. He already poops on the front porch when the grass is a little too wet from dew or it's a little too high to suit him. The dog is a collection of bad habits on four feet. It's like he thinks his cuteness automatically excuses anything untoward he might do. Yet another reason why I will never have another Yorkie if I have any say about it. It's Beagles for me, or no dogs at all.

---

I had to run an errand over to Diane's. When I got in the car to leave, I spied an animal lying in front of the out building. It didn't move, so it had to be dead. I made a mental note to check it out when I got home from Diane's house. Upon returning, I walked out to the building to inspect the animal that was still there when I got home. It was a small opossum, young, just into adulthood, so it was probably Loki. One of his ears was torn pretty badly, but that was the only indication of injury I could see. I didn't turn him over to see if there were any wounds on his other side, though. It hurt my heart to see him so. I love the opossums who've taken up residence here and I don't want anything to bring them harm or woe, even though the other opossums are probably responsible for Loki's death; they do have a habit of brawling amongst themselves. I took a picture of Loki to document his passing.

( Loki RIP )

Aggrieved, I made my way back to the house. On my way, I spied a snail shell, half buried in the wet earth. The spiral the shell spoke to me, reminding me of the natural cycles of life that, although they may seem cruel or unjust to us, create the fragile balance that allows all of us to exist.

( The Spiral Dance )

The spiral shell lay approximately 50 yards away from Loki's body. Finding it heartened me in a very profound way. I usually take shells like this and keep them in my stone and shell back or the wooden candle holder that's full of shells and crystals that date back to the 70s. But I left this one alone. It's part of the Earth, literally, and something compelled me to leave it right where it belonged. So I did.

---

My contorted filbert has gone berserk. When I bought the plant, it was pretty much a twisted stick with about 5 or 6 sickly leaves barely clinging to it. Its original price was $39.95, but I got it for $19.95 because the garden folks at Lowes believed it was pretty much done for. I brought it home and planted it at the corner of my front porch. The information card that came with the plant said that it would grow approximately 7 feet tall and 10 in diameter. As you can see in the picture, that's clearly not true of the tree I brought home. Obviously, the contorted filbert did not die.

( I live! )

Aunt Tudi complains about the contorted filbert every Summer. She can't stand the fact that it blocks her from seeing anything, it blocks air getting to the porch, and it harbours June bugs every year. They flock to the contorted filbert to engage in their annual mating ritual.

When the sap begins to settle in the tree, I should cut some of the more interesting younger branches and send them to anyone who may be interested in having an unusual ritual wand. Any fellow Witches who read this can let me know if you're interested. Hopefully by the time that season arrives, I'll be in better enough shape to be able to mail things to people.

---

People are beginning to stress the benefits of buying and eating local foods. That's something that I've been wanting to do for a long time. Now that it's being shown on news channels how important it is to go local, Aunt Tudi is beginning to warm up to the idea. This will hopefully mean that we'll start buying more fruits and vegetables at the farmers market and getting more dairy products and perhaps even free range eggs from Kelsey's Dairy. I'm going to look into local meat markets as well. We have an abattoir in Duncan, but it's not very well known for its cleanliness. I'm certain there are others in the area. It's just a matter of doing some investigation. I'll ask around and see what I find. I believe we'll get off a lot cheaper by buying local and we'll be eating a lot healthier.

I really need to get my tiller to running. Llew doesn't seem to be very eager to help me in this matter. I think he believe he'll end up being the one to have to till up the earth so we can have a garden. It's a hell of a job, but something I don't mind doing. I'd rather till any day than mow grass. Maybe I should make that clear to him and then he'll be on board in the Revive the Tiller project. He's taking a nap right now but, when he wakes up, I'll bring up the tiller issue once again.

If I could get the garden spot tilled, we'd have an abundance of tomatoes, pepper, cantaloupes (or ass melon as I call them), potatoes, corn, and heaven knows what else. I'd be the gardening fool and our veggie issues would be solved for some time. If I know Aunt Tudi, they'd be solved well into the Winter, because she'd be processing and freezing a lot of what we couldn't currently eat. Given our country's piteous state, it's wise to grow as much food as you can, if you're able and you have any spot of earth at all. It may mean not starving when our society irrevocably collapses.

---

Last night I was thinking about how a person's favourite cable channel tells a lot about them.

For instance, Aunt Janice's favourite channel is HGTV, Home and Garden Television. Aunt Tudi's is Discovery and the Weather Channel. Llew's is the History Channel. Mine is SciFi, but I'm also a dedicated follower of Discovery.

My theory is very undeveloped, so much so that I can't really verbalise it to my satisfaction. But I think I can tag people I meet with a cable channel after I get to know them a little. Is this stereotyping? Maybe, but stereotyping isn't always a bad thing as long as you don't stop with the initial stereotyping. Having a basic idea about someone, though, can be very useful and helpful as you get to know that person better and build on what you've already learnt.

I'll write more about this when and if I expand on my theory.

---

I started this post out with words about Chester, so it's only fair that I end it with a picture of Chester. I think this is why we put up with his shenanigans: he exhibits so much love and trust around Aunt Tudi especially, then Llew, when he does something reprehensible, it can be easily overlooked.



Maybe the love shown in this photie is strong enough to hearten those who see it and need a bit of a boost in their lives.

Happy Mothers Day to all you mothers out there

After I got off work, Aunt Tudi, Llew, and I hauled arse up the mountain to Asheville to meet up with falkenna, her sister janalyson, her boyfriend paulpearson23, and Jan's daughter Jennifer. We met at Malaprops and moseyed our way around downtown Asheville for a while before landing at Jack o'the Wood. The last time I was at Jack o'the Wood was when I was still managing Kilmoulis and hopelessly devoted to The Harpist. That was ten years ago, but it was enough to worm its way into The Chalice.

( Mother of Memory, Memory of Music )

Delightfully so, the event was one of good times, good friends, good fellowship, good food, and good spirits (more than one). I really like Paul and I believe that falkenna has chosen wisely in Man Servants male companions. It was great to see janalyson and her daughter again. I don't know Jan very well, but I'm amazed at how easily we get on. Our conversation is never lacking. I believe that Aunt Tudi had a blast of a time and that Llew was glad to have finally gotten to meet some of my dearest friends.

I took a bunch of pictures and so did Paul. I promised falkenna and janalyson that they could see the photies and approve them before I posted any, though, so visuals of our fun day will have to wait on them. Le sigh.

I'm a very sleepy soul. But a satisfied one as well. It's good to be with friends, especially after trying days with the promise of more to come.

After spending an absolutely deeeeeeelightful day on the road with both Aunt Tudi and Llew, the first thing I did when I got them home was blow up my Whomp It and apply it to their brain pans. I plan on doing this repeatedly until it does one of two things: makes me feel better or kills the two of them. My bets are currently on the latter, despite the Whomp It being a bit a blow-up plastic, like a beach ball, but different.

( whomp 'em )

Then again, I do have a third option that I only just considered: I could whomp myself in the head repeatedly until I either feel better or die, which would also make me feel loads and gobs better than just feeling merely better better.

I meant to write this a few days ago but, instead, I passed flat out on the love seat for about five hours. After taking care of Aunt Tudi's minimal needs, I shambled off to bed like the best Zombie George Romero had ever encountered in his long Zombie career. So I'm writing it today with some addenda now that so many days have passed.

Before I begin, I just wanted to thank everyone who sent Llew cards. They finally arrived on Tuesday morning and he was a smiling goofball. So....thanks. Also, thanks for the virtual gifts. I've never had a punching bag before. I needed one. Badly.

Oh and..Happy Birthday



My apologies if I've missed anyone.  Now, for the fun to begin olé!**

( Enter if you dare....there will be photography the likes of which you've never seen, nor ever want to see again. )

And, in closing, speaking of the weakest link, here's a photo of one of my left knee x-rays. According to Dr. Keith, whom I'm went to see on Thursday, there's no waiting for my 50-year-birthday to get that knee replacement. According to him, I'll need to get the replacement as soon as my insurance kicks in next year, if I can wait that long. He said all this in doctor-speak instead of wanting to say it it the way he really wanted to: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!



**As brujah pokes at me from beyond the virtual grave for me to just get on with it for Chrissakes!

Llew had a stroke this morning. He's in room 822 at Spartanburg Regional Hospital awaiting an MRI and getting some sleep in preparation for tomorrow's speech therapy and occupational therapy. The stroke was very mild and you really can't tell that he's had a stroke at all unless you hear him try to talk: it's a slurred mumble that's absolutely incoherent. All day I made him repeat himself until he could be understood. It pissed him off, but it gave him good practice and helped to develop his speaking ability. I told him that he'd probably end up hating me for my constant harassment, but he'll end up appreciating my efforts. When Llew's nurse came in and explained what the speech therapist would be doing and gave him an example of the therapy, Llew gave me the hairy eyeball because that's exactly what I'd been doing to him all day long.

I have the feeling that Llew's prognosis will be carrying maximum positivity and minimum distress. The distress will be mine. I'm not a caregiver, but here I am preparing to help Aunt Tudi with her hand surgery on Monday and Llew to recover from his stroke which was caused by the high blood pressure that he failed to treat. AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH! I need a new life, one that insures my loved ones glow with unending health and utter joy. That would be dandy fer shure.

Anyway, if you want to send Llew a cheer card (or anything at all), and I really hope that you would, considering he has few friends and his family sucks big hairy rhino balls, you can go here and be a lovely human being.

Spread the cheer, yo!

You must use his entire name and room number in order to properly send the e-card. His name is Lewis Boyd and he's in room number 822. So, as Ben Stiller says as one of his scary characters in Starsky and Hutch, DO IT. And do it now. Dammit.

As for me, I'm horrified by the entire situation and I want to flatten myself out and crawl under the rug in the living room and remain there until I'm stomped on until I'm spread out like a crepe....or a creep....you decide. Oh Goddess! I'm so tired and distressed and sad, I can't even sufficiently express myself. What else could possibly happen this year? Maybe I shouldn't even ask such a question. I'm just setting myself up. Oy.


**erm.....I actually started this post yesterday, but it took me a thousand years to write it. Now, today is yesterday because I'm stupid.

I got to sleep in this morning, but I woke up at 10 am with my head exploding. Something told me to call in my migraine medicine the night before and I'm forever grateful to that something. I pulled myself out of bed and hauled ass to the pharmacy to pick up my Relpax. I took a pill on my way to the post office, checked the box, then came home. My medicine usually doesn't knock me out, but it did this time. Maybe it's because of the nature of the headache, I don't know. I was unconscious off and on for the majority of the day. The occasional boom of thunder or Chester opting to trample my prone body would wake me up for a little while, then I'd be right out again. I woke up and was feeling pretty much back to normal by 5 PM.

At 6:30 Llew called me. He was on the side of I-85 at exit 58, out of gas. The gas gauge on his car doesn't work, so he had no idea he was so low on the juice, Bruce. I zipped over to the gas station and got a gallon, then went in search of my significant other. He was parked underneath the precipipause*, awaiting his Lady in Plaid Armour. After he poured in the gas and started the car, we headed for home and a hot bowl of tomato soup, courtesy of Aunt Tudi.

clumsycake called a few minutes ago. She's on her way over to return Aunt Tudi's Judge Judy DVD. More than likely she'll stick around for a while to visit, hobnob, and be generally talkative and sociable. If Ashley is with her, she probably won't stay for very long.** I guess we'll know which way the wind blows once the woman herself arrives. After she leaves, I may crawl off to bed. That headache and the subsequent treatment seems to have sucked the life force right out of me. I feel like I could sleep for days without end. Migraines are horrid, just horrid.


*Precipipause [sniglet]: an overpass that, upon driving under it, causes a brief pause in precipitation when it's raining.
**Ashley isn't with her, but she can't stay anyway. She has family members waiting for her to bring them food, so off clumsycake scurries to purchase sustenance from Burger King. I wish I had me a Whopper right now.

I got an email from Jesus. The subject line says "Monday will be amazing." If Jesus says this, then it must be so. I'm looking forward to Monday because Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.

It snowed this morning. At first I thought my car was being swarmed by bugs because we're inundated with bugs in February here in the Armpit of Hell. But then the bugs got bigger and fluffier, and there were many more of them than before. By the time I got to work, it was snowing pretty heavily. Pretty it was. And I took a couple of pictures, just to prove that it actually did snow for about 15 minutes in Upstate South Carolina.

( wanna see? )

This afternoon, I took Llew over to the library to check out a repair book for his car. While he was there, he got a library card. Aunt Tudi went with us because she needed to go to the store. She checked out a couple of movies at the library: Hotel Rwanda and Black Dahlia. She was well-pleased when I informed her that Josh Hartnett was in Black Dahlia. She thinks he's very cute....better looking than Danny Huston. Aunt Tudi has taste for shite when it comes to men. Just sayin'.

When we left the library, I had to take a picture of their current display. It's of outhouses. Only in the South.

( wanna see again? )

My knee is singing a tune again, one that is off-key, very loud, and incredibly obnoxious. I called Dr. Jowarski's office and got an appointment for tomorrow afternoon. They're gonna work with me on the charges since I don't have insurance. The office visit is pretty spendy and I know that the doctor will want to give me cortisone injection, so that will be even more. I hate my left knee as much as it apparently hates me. What's worse is that we can't get away from each other, at least not until I turn 50 and have insurance to where I can get a replacement. I want the surgeon to put my knee in a jar so that I can put it on a shelf and whisper "fuck you" to it as I trot by with my new bionic knee. It's a dream of mine. You can't take away a woman's dreams, especially when she has a rebellious and inflammatory joint.

Despite my pre-owned knee problems, I rest happily in the knowledge that Monday will be amazing.

Tonight's the night Aunt Tudi, Llew, and I are going to see Michael Flatley's Lord of the Dance or, as I like to call it, Hoofin' It. Llew is kind of *meh* about it, but Aunt Tudi is beside herself with outright joy. Since this is her birthday gift, I'm very happy she's so out of her head about it. I get the feeling that she may not have too many birthdays left, so I want to make each birthday something special.

This evening will be very difficult for me. The music for Lord of the Dance is very heavily marked with memories of Alban Hefin 1997. Ronan Hardiman scored a moment in my life that was incredibly magickal and filled with the promise of a Bealtainne kiss. It was his music that carried me out into the endless farm fields and meadows around Fountain Inn, where I followed the Harpist. The music of Lord of the Dance rang in my mind's ears while I was kissed under the Summer Moon.

There was so much promise in that lingering kiss and the ones that followed, all to the lovely strains of "Stolen Kiss." "Celtic Dream" ribboned it's way through my world, as my newly technicolour vision continued to light my path on this beautiful night, a song that began on Bealtainne that grew only more beautiful and more vivid on this beloved Alban Hefin. My Harpist was kissing me. He, who made such painfully lovely Celtic music himself, wrapped his massive arms around me and became my Lord of the Dance, setting me upon a path that would lead me eventually to a singular sorrow.

A year later, in 1998, I couldn't hear this music without bursting into tears. Actually, I had trouble hearing any Celtic music without my heart feeling as though it were being crushed under a relentless weight. Over time, my love for the music has outshone my grief, but the music from Lord of the Dance still carries with it that pristine moment in time and, along with it, the regret that was soon to follow. My spirit falters still when I hear it.

So tonight will be interesting to say the least. I don't want to ruin the experience for Aunt Tudi, nor do I want to show Llew how much I still grieve over the Harpist. This will be an exercise in keeping my feelings to myself, needless to say. I'm just hoping I'm a good enough actress to do just that.

I have to cut it today. As I've said before, I'd rather be smoking it. But, since I have none to smoke and way too much to cut, I'll be mowing instead of toking. Life is unfair, yes it is, yes it is. Our sunset begins at 8:32 DST, so I'm going out at 7:30 to use the lawn tractor first. I'll be thirty minutes on that, doing Uncle Michael's back yard, the field, and my front yard. Then I'll get out the push mower and do the trimming of the front yard and all of the back yard. I should be finished up a little before 9 PM, if I don't stop to mop sweat or drink anything cool and refreshing.

Words are insufficient in expressing my hatred for Summer and all things related. It needs to go away. The Earth needs to be knocked off Her axis to where we're hardly exposed to the sun at all. Yeah, it'll mean certain death for us all, but at least we'll die cooler than this inferno.

The school thing wasn't a go today, so I'm having to split it up between tomorrow morning and Thursday morning. Ain't that grand? Bah! After I leave there tomorrow, I've got to swing by Llew's work so he can use my computer for a PowerPoint project. None of the equipment or computers they have at work have that capability, so he came to me. I'm also due to go visit Llew at home tomorrow after work. There may be some serious naughtiness to write about after tomorrow night so, if you want on my 'naughty filter,' let me know. If not, you're good.

I had a bowl of cheerios for supper. It's too hot to eat anything even remotely warm. The cheerios hit the spot in a way that I never imagined. I feel fulfilled and energised after having ingested approximately one cup of "doughnut seeds." If they'd been the Honey Nut Cheerios, I think I would have burst out into the yard to sing like Julie Andrews in the mountains of Austria. Yeah. That dramatic.

Aunt Tudi just thumbed her nose at me after I told her to shut her pie-hole, so I promptly flipped her a bird. Family togetherness and love: that's what it's all about.

Twenty-five minutes until I have to go out and be microwaved by the giant ball of fire in the sky.

I was supposed to go over and see Llew today, but he ended up having to babysit until 5:30 this afternoon. He said we could still go flying, but I'm not keen on doing anything with the kid because.....well, because she's a kid. I don't do kids. I have contended in the past that the only way I'd intentionally have a child would be to ensure good meat for when the pickin's get slim after the Alpaca Lips. I am that wicked witch who fattens up children for baking in a pie. As for Llew, I'm going to see him tomorrow.

As is almost weekly tradition 'round here, I went out to cut the grass. It's so dry in our area right now that I blow red snot outta my nose for hours after I'm finished mowing. Maybe I need to wear one of those face masks, but I really don't want to do that. I already wear Terminator sunglasses to keep the light and crap out of my eyes. Combine that with a face mask and I'd end up looking like an extra on the Road Warrior set. It was hot out there. I was slimy by the time I was finished. I was a pale blue, slimy lump of misery who was blowing red mud out of her nose and throat. Attractive. Very attractive.

Aunt Tudi and I prepared an actual dinner to eat today. We had conflake crust fried boneless/skinless chicken, glow-in-the-dark green beans, and mashed potatoes. Afterward, Aunt Tudi had a slice of sugar free lemon pie and I had a nap.

An hour after that, I drug out the computer to stare at The Chalice for a while. I've hit another block. All I want to do is get past "Sui Generis," then the rest will be gravy. I'm so close, but I can't seem to get there. In frustration, I threw my hands up in the air and logged on to The INTARWEBS. Once there, I stared at the e-mails I need to answer and the journal in which I haven't written all day, while I watched the bad news about the Middle East. So I made a misanthropic post about that in misanthrope_inc, then commenced to staring at The Chalice again. Oh, and I got an email from moad_terran_hq in which he sent me some pictures of himself.

He is a hottie. It is proclaimed, yea and verily. As it is written, so shall it be done. Amen.

And that brings me up to this point in time. Now, I'm watching a Law & Order: CI that I've seen twice before and debating on whether or not to post another useless poll about nothing and everything. Honestly, I can't be sussed. All I want to do is finish up "Sui Generis," go to bed, and watch Harry Potter movies until I fall asleep.

Tomorrow is an early day. After being delayed last week, I'm heading out to Greenville Tech to take my placement tests and enroll for the Autumn semester. After that, I'm hoping I can go on to the financial aid office and let them see my cupped hand of blatant begging. Gimme money pleez. I R POOOOR. I spent all my money in England, so pity me! All I want to do is care for the animals and hit humans with a big stick, so please let me come to school for free. Better yet, pay me to come to school so I won't have to work whilst getting an education.

It would be nice to be a slacker student. It'd give me time to get back into the groove of school life. I've got twenty years of rust to scrape off my edumacation skillz.

All of a sudden I'm so sleepy, I can't stand myself. Time is crawling. So I bought myself a Mountain Dew and am going to drink it with extreme prejudice. May the Mighties have mercy on the souls of those around me.

I've downloaded Semagic here 'cos it's easier to access than the 'Net is. Still not comfy with I-net access. It's only my second day.

So far this day has gone well. I've picked up speed and am now quite comfy with the phone.

I'm supposed to go see Llew tonight. Then it's early to bed for me.

The one thing about mine and Llew's relationship of which I'm quite proud is that we don't take advantage of each other. Sure, we've hurt each other on quite a few occasions, and he scared the living shit out of me last year with his styooooopid disappearing act, but we've never taken the other for any sort of ride. When he was wallowing in his massive inheritance, I was the only one who didn't have my hand out, wanting money I would never repay. When I got my severance, he never once asked me for any fundage.

A couple of weeks ago, Llew's truck died. It was an old truck, so old that parts can't be found for it. So Llew was faced with having to purchase a new vehicle. His boss Gretchen lent him her 10-passenger van for the interim, but that godawful thing was sucking gas like nobody's business. After he vented much frustration at having no help in finding a car, I told him again that I would help him by taking him around to the lots. He took me up on it today. On the way to a lot he'd heard about, Llew was telling me how much he appreciated my help. I told him it was the least I could do after he helped me get a new car when I had my unfortunate car accident. It's what you do for people you care about.

So we made it to the lot and looked at every car there. We finally happened upon a sweet Ford Taurus station wagon, which was perfect for Llew's needs (getting to work, hauling off garbage, and transporting RC planes). The price was right, as was the mileage and age. So I hung out with him until he made the deal with the car salesmen, and then we came back home, both of us very happy campers.

( Llew and his new wheels )

The title given by clumsycake to Aunt Tudi, Diane, clumsycake, and myself fits us perfectly methinks. For years now, Aunt Tudi, clumsycake, and I have been making treks to Asheville and enjoying the hell out of it. This time, we're popping Diane's Asheville cherry and lo! it shall be good.

I'm currently making a mix CD of some very eclectic material: XTC, Alabama 3, The Polecats, Madonna, Dave Matthews, the Klezmer Conservatory Band, Maura O'Connell, Patrick Hernandez, Journey, Oasis, Concrete Blonde, VAST, Siouxsee & the Banshees, and Underworld, among other artists before I'm finished. If everyone's asses aren't happy by the time we get to Asheville, then my passengers won't be alive. Just to be sure, though, I'm taking along the Rumpshaker mix CD that blueskywonder sent to me. I won't be playing any Shriekback tomorrow, because no one in my vicinity is much of a fan of the band. They're all idiots, but they're my friends and family, so what can I do? We hit the road at 8 AM sharp

I made it to Garners today to get the glucosamine chondroiten that Dr. Jawarski wants me to start taking for my 50-year-old knee. Also picked up a total body cleanse kit which I shall be starting tomorrow night. I need to rid myself of toxins and other substances, so this should do the trick.

After that I went to see Llew for a little while. It was a nice visit and I can tell that he's thrilled I've restored a modicum of my libido. I think I'm kind of pleased myself.

Oh, and I weighed today. When I left The Pit, I gained 9 pounds. I've been slowly working on re-losing that and I have, plus two more pounds. That makes me 191 with a loss of 149 pounds. I want to lose at least 20 more pounds before going to England. If I reach 170 by April, it will be the first time I was that light since I was a kid. So yay and yahoo.

I got up relatively early today simply because I didn't sleep last night at all. Goddess bless insomnia!

I went to the PO, then had to go back to the PO because of a screw up, I'm not sure on whose part, the USPS or mine. Probably mine, but the USPS is definitely not out of the running here.

Then I took Aunt Tudi and went to Ingles for groceries. Whilst there, we picked up a gigantic ape to put in the back seat of the car. It's a large black gorilla (my dreams) and big enough to wear the seat belt. Years ago, I kept a stuffed orangutan in the back seat of the car until he basically fell apart from exposure.

While at Ingles, I got a call from mekkasimian and we set up a time for me to meet him at GSP and take him back to the new abode. aunt_tudi wanted to ride with me 'cos she just loves road trips and I don't think she's ever been to Clemson, so this will be an adventure for her. I won't be putting Fred (my new ape) in the car until after I take mekkasimian home 'cos I think that'd just be tacky of me to do that, since he's a biomechanical ape and all. But I'll be taking pictures of Fred once he's belted in and ready to roll.

I'll be going to see Llew here in about 25 minutes. He starts babysitting at 4, so I won't be staying very long. After that, I'm hoping to come home and work more on my video database.

And I'm going to bed early tonight. I'm one sleepy old crone.

Diane came over to watch some LOST with me. She'd only seen part of a show in the first season and was eager to see what it was all about. There's nothing quite as wonderful as popping the cherry of a LOST virgin. If she said "Jesus Christ!" once, she said it about a dozen times, and that was only watching the first four episodes. She went home with the season 1 DVD as well as Battlestar Galactica season 1 and From Hell.

For some odd reason, Todd sent me a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. I'll be calling him tonight to thank him for it and discover his motive behind it. I don't think he's ever sent be booze before. Strange. Also got a card from sri3m and one from razzle. How sweet! Thanks to thee! :)

In about an hour, I'll be heading to visit Llew, then home to pick up Aunt Tudi for a trip to the grocery store. We're gonna tape LOST and go on to the store, then watch it when we get back home.

So it's been a pretty good day today. I'm ready to go to bed.

Thanks to my Moon, I've been in bed for the majority of the day eating Imitrex like Pez and using Riley's butt for a pillow. I rescheduled with Llew for tomorrow when we might actually get some flying in and have logged onto the Internet now to send the doc Aunt Tudi's blood glucose levels and hunt for sexual predators in Duncan. No, I'm not looking for a date. It's for Aunt Tudi 'cos she's paranoid n'shit.

I had a nightmare this morning.
I dreamt that I went to Wal-Mart for some supplies as Aunt Tudi was in the hospital. I picked her up several DVDs whilst there, then went out to my car, which was Johnna's car that I had recently purchased from her. Before I started the car, this dude got in the passenger's side and started sprinkling lighter fluid all over the car seat. I told him to stop it and began wrestling with him, trying to get him out of the car. His first attempt at igniting the fluid with a match didn't work, but it worked the second time and I jumped out of the car cursing at the man. He just smiled and continued his silence until I pulled out my camera. "I'm taking a picture of you, asshole, so the cops will know who to look for!" His smile faltered and he told me to hand over the camera. I told him no and he started chasing me as I ran back into Wal-Mart, snapping pictures behind me. I was begging for help and some associates took me to a security room. Shortly, two detectives came in to question me about the incident. I told how into Law & Order I was and asked to which cop on the shows did they relate. One said Brisco, the other said Goren. I showed the pictures and they asked me to email them to the police station and gave me the email address. They told me that my car wasn't the only one that had been torched, that the dude had burned several cars in a line in the parking lot. Freaky. Later, I was in a security room at the mall of all places, talking to two fellas about something that seemed quite unrelated. When I opened the door to the outside, there the firebug was. The dudes grabbed hold of him and held him while I called the detectives to come pick him up. And I took more pictures of him just to rub it in that he'd been caught.

Sci-Fi is showing disaster flicks today. It seems like all they ever show on Saturdays are disaster flicks or giant bug/mutant animal flicks. I want an Outer Space Saturday or a High Fantasy Friday. The killer beasts and sundering earth motif has gotta freakin' go.

In a break from regular Friday tradition, I'm posting some quizzes. I have a right since my head hurts.

( A coupla quizzes. )

In other news, Kevin James has got to be one of the sexiest men on Earth. That is all.

This really has nothing to do with birds or farmers. It is, instead, a random post with no strong subject to merit it being made the subject line.

First off, I would like to state for the record that I am both terrified of and appalled with the Burger King King. He's pretty much the creepiest thing on TV now, only because the scary Six Flags dude isn't currently in rotation, and I want him to go away.

The owl icon I'm using is from a picture of an owl that lives in the Wild Animal Park, which is a free range animal sanctuary in cahoots with the San Diego zoo. The Mother Unit took that picture and it's completely untouched. I just love how the black pupils turned out to be red. It is a great horned owl and one of the most beautiful creatures I've ever had the honour of encountering. But I'm a sucker for owls, any kind of owl. I think that's the one thing that sealed a bond between the Grandmother Unit and me. We barely knew each other when we were reunited, but the one thing we had in common was an uncanny adoration of owls. When she passed away, the Mother Unit passed her owl collection on to me.

My loose modem connection is swiftly driving me quite mad. I really need to get the fucker fixed before I snap and scamper through the neighbourhood offing yokels with an air rifle. What happened a few weeks ago is Aunt Tudi got her foot caught in my phone cord and jerked it really hard. Thankfully, she didn't fall or hurt herself, but she did a number on my computer. It's been a nightmare ever since and it's getting worse with every passing day. Must.Get.It.Fixed..... Ideally what I'd like to do is get the new lappie, transfer all my stuff over to the new one, wipe this one clean, then get it repaired without any of my personal stuff being on it. Then it'd be like new for Aunt Tudi to use and drive herself like a herd of wombats into the 21st Century.

I'm supposed to go see Llew around 7 tonight, but I've already told him I have to leave by 8:45 to be home in time enough for LOST. Since I've had to go out every day this week so far, I'm really not keen on going anywhere. But a promise is a promise. I just don't feel like doing anything but vegging online and giving the animals and Aunt Tudi the hairy eyeball.

After Judge Judy, I've got to shave my legs, which is a monumental task since I am Sasquatch. I need to make the legs at least marginally decent-looking for the doctor tomorrow, so he won't have to dip his fingers in an inch of fur just to get to my kneecap. I have a 10:15 appointment tomorrow morning for Dr. Yost to hopefully give my left knee an injection. He may not do stuff like that, though, and will have to refer me to an orthopaedic doctor. I had a doc for that, but he stopped taking my insurance so..... there you go.

Speaking of insurance, I need to start paying for my Cobra this month. I've decided to do the 12 month extension just in case one of my eyeballs falls out or something equally as gruesome. Perhaps by next year I'll have insurance with a new job working with animals whilst going to school.

Here is where I get to really complain: I miss having a crush on someone. Not a particular person, mind, just the crush itself. The last really strong crush was on Darth Maul. Such obsessions are very inspiring and uplifting for me. I feel kind of empty when I'm not swept along by uncontrollable feelings which I can explore and expand. No one really captures my fancy, though, so I just drift aimlessly wishing for that powerful feeling to return. I hate that.

Flying with Llew is out today. It's windier than it was yesterday. I'll be going over to see him around 4 instead.

Here's a meme.

( 'X' marks the spot, eh? )

No LOST tonight. Crap football on the air instead. I am going to call Llew, then go to bed and watch Battlestar Galactica until I pass out or die. The end.