"I can see Marlow from my house!"
Nov. 1st, 2008 11:20 amA few years back, Barrow Alaska was ravaged and burned to the ground by a roving band of Vampires. Not only was a large portion of the population slaughtered and devoured, but the town's sheriff, one Eben Oleson, was forced to sacrifice himself in order to salvage what people and real estate were left after the long night of terror drew to a close.
Alaska's governor Sarah Palin has yet to visit Barrow, claiming that the incident could not have happened because Vampires do not exist. In fact, at the time of the ambush on Barrow, Ms. Palin was participating in a ritual to help protect herself from Witchcraft. When asked how she could believe in the existence of Witches and not Vampires, Ms. Palin cited the Holy Bible, quoting the now-famous line from that book: "Suffer not a Witch to live!" She declined comment when a reporter reminded her that a Vampire was mentioned in the Bible as well, choosing to selectively believe only portions of the book she claims to know so well.
Eyewitness accounts of what's come to be known as The Barrow Incident all claim that many of the Vampires left the ruins of the town after Sheriff Oleson fought and killed their leader Marlow. They weren't pursued by state authorities, nor have any APBs been issued for their capture and eventual prosecution. Since they can't exist in Sarah Palin's reality, they can't be arrested for the mayhem wrought upon America's northernmost city.
Rumours still run wild that the Vampires are planning more visits to northern Alaska, their sights set on Wainwright. Residents of Wainwright had petitioned the governor for funding to fortify their town's defenses, but their pleas fell on deaf ears. Ms. Palin admonished the town's elders for encouraging needless hysteria and suggested they spend more time reading their Bible and less time dwelling on unfortunate, but preventable, situations in nearby cities. Since then, the town has encouraged Witches to resettle in Wainwright, hoping that their magick will help to fight the inevitable Vampire attack as well as prevent Sarah Palin from ever visiting their town.
Alaska's governor Sarah Palin has yet to visit Barrow, claiming that the incident could not have happened because Vampires do not exist. In fact, at the time of the ambush on Barrow, Ms. Palin was participating in a ritual to help protect herself from Witchcraft. When asked how she could believe in the existence of Witches and not Vampires, Ms. Palin cited the Holy Bible, quoting the now-famous line from that book: "Suffer not a Witch to live!" She declined comment when a reporter reminded her that a Vampire was mentioned in the Bible as well, choosing to selectively believe only portions of the book she claims to know so well.
Eyewitness accounts of what's come to be known as The Barrow Incident all claim that many of the Vampires left the ruins of the town after Sheriff Oleson fought and killed their leader Marlow. They weren't pursued by state authorities, nor have any APBs been issued for their capture and eventual prosecution. Since they can't exist in Sarah Palin's reality, they can't be arrested for the mayhem wrought upon America's northernmost city.
Rumours still run wild that the Vampires are planning more visits to northern Alaska, their sights set on Wainwright. Residents of Wainwright had petitioned the governor for funding to fortify their town's defenses, but their pleas fell on deaf ears. Ms. Palin admonished the town's elders for encouraging needless hysteria and suggested they spend more time reading their Bible and less time dwelling on unfortunate, but preventable, situations in nearby cities. Since then, the town has encouraged Witches to resettle in Wainwright, hoping that their magick will help to fight the inevitable Vampire attack as well as prevent Sarah Palin from ever visiting their town.
