Tinhuviel Artanis

You discover that you're making inane posts about absolutely nothing just for the chance to toast yourself over the warm keyboards.

I just had to turn the heater up a tiddly tad. I can't feel my digits. I'm not complaining that it's finally feeling like Winter, Goddess knows it's about time we had some seasonal temperatures to stave off the local pestilence. I'm just perplexed that last night's low was around 40 and tonight's is forecast to be 19. If our weather were any more schizophrenic, Mother Nature would have to get Herself a psychiatrist.

It may be time for a hot cuppa tea. Who cares about the caffeine? I've already been awake going on 40 hours or so, so I don't think some tea would be very detrimental at this point.

After my 50-page editing extravaganza yesterday, I've been a total slacker today. I've yet to begin editing today; instead, I've watched useless TV, went to the grocery store with Aunt Tudi, and now I'm eating an American Pot Noodle and hummus while I psych myself out to grind the editing bone into action. I think I've been useless today because the weather has sucked my life force out through the top of my head. I usually enjoy the rain, but this round of precipitation has been clammy, messy, and generally unpleasant. It's not conducive to creative endeavours, including editing.

This Pot Noodle is like eating a bowl of roundworms with freeze-dried vegetables. Tasty, neh?

After Janice helped me get the car out of the driveway (she drove and I pushed), I hit the road and headed to the drug store for mine and Aunt Tudi's prescriptions. The roads are barely icy now. There are a few treacherous spots in the shady areas on the secondary roads, but that's about it. I had no trouble whatsoever getting to Lyman and back home. When I got back, I let Janice and Uncle Michael know how the roads were in the event they wanted to brave the weather. I also told them that I'd be happy to take them anywhere they wanted to go if they didn't want to risk it. They let me keep the car parked up at their house so I wouldn't be stuck again. So now we all have a way to get around if the need arises. It's about time, too. I was suffering from major cabin fever. It's weird; I can stay home for days on end when I know I can go anytime I please but, when I realise I'm truly stuck, all I can think about is getting away. Funny how the mind works.

Fitzgerald let me sleep til almost 7 this morning. He was apparently waiting for the light of day so I could schlep my way outside to fix the fence he broke last night. Yes, he broke the fence, just a little piece and out of the yard he flew. It's not that he hates his home or even is worried with what's outside the fence. He's just a puppy who wants what he wants when he wants it. Last night he wanted to play with the next door neighbour's 9000 year old poodle, Lucky. Lucky was not impressed. So I had some fence mending to which to attend. Fitzgerald joined me outside and frolicked and played throughout the yard while I froze myself silly mending the fence. The temp right now is 43. That's cold to someone used to temps in 7000s. And I have holes in my flannels, so they're no good, at least not as good as they used to be. Buuuuut, anyway, the fence is mended and Fitzgerald is still outside running around like a little idiot.

I woke up at 7, peeked outside as I let the dogs out. It was dark with clouds and misty with rain. Humming happily to myself, I got breakfast, did a little of this and a tad of that, then got me a large glass of tea. Before I sat down with my tea, I flung open the front door for the inspiration I was going to draw on as I wrote. It was bright and sunny, not a drop of rain in sight. Damn. What else can I expect on "there's a tick on my face" day?

Aunt Tudi and I went over to clumsycake's abode this morning so I could get her to witness a document sent to me from SC Vocational Rehabilitation. It's a release form allowing my case examiner access to my medical records. I had to sign and date the document, fill in some information like my street address and phone number, and they also wanted a witness to attest that s/he knew me by signing the paper and leaving a phone number. She was happy to be my witness and I was happy to finally get to meet one of her cats, River. He has a stumpy tail like Smidgen, but he can move his. Her other cat, Storm, is a shy and moody Tortie, so no luck on meeting her. clumsycake was my first choice because her last name isn't Evans and she knows me...boy does she know me! We've been friends now for twenty years. It's hard to believe. We have pretty much a lifetime of memories stashed on our mutual behalf now. Anyway, we had a good, albeit short, visit before heading to Spartanburg so Aunt Tudi could give blood for some lab work Dr. Ebrahim wanted. Her potassium is a little on the high side so they're wanting to keep a close eye on it.

We got everything we needed to do done today and got in early before the worst heat of the day came to kick our butts. The heat over the next few days is going to be scorching with high humidity. God, just kill me now.

I've been awake since 3:50. Yes, I've been out of the Zyprexa for a few days and my body is going back to it's crazy schedule of little to no sleep. Instead of twirling like a British Petroleum drill, I decided to go ahead and get up, maybe write a little. I'm already 2000 words into today's 3000 word goal. The characters have chosen some odd routes and partnerships. Kelat and Cadmus found themselves on the same Virgin flight to New York City. Thiyennen and Eve have decided to join Dmitri and Ishtar on their road trip from Asheville to NYC. Rebekah and Mephistopheles are flying into NYC from Iraq. And Agatha, with the Augury of Gideon in tow, is flying into NYC with Orphaeus Cygnus. And what is drawing them all to the Big Apple? The spirit of Faust, aka Kallum McCreary. We're gonna have ourselves an old-fashioned resurrection right in the heart of SoHo. As Kallum would say, it's gonna be the berries.

Anyway...there's really not much going on with me other than the writing. Today is stormy, messing with a lot of Memorial Day hoo-ha, but I'm not concerned with any of that. Smidgen has decided that the safest place on Earth is behind the toilet when it storms. Poor thing is making herself a lightning rod and she doesn't even know it. Aunt Tudi got up, got her medicine, got her insulin shot, and is now lying back down and snoring. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't envious. Instead of sleeping, I think I'm gonna watch Dr. Phil and try to stir up a little hatred, so I can write Cadmus sufficiently well later on. Like me, he's been suffering from insomnia, and he's not handling it nearly as well as I am. But that's Cadmus for you.

I find it frustrating that, for the first time in the history of the Cliffs of Insanity, I'm having to filter certain posts. This has always been a public blog and I hope that, eventually, it will become that way again for the most part. I've had to set some entries to private because I can't not write about what's going on in my life, yet I can't let people read what I'm writing about. It's distressing because I am, for the most part, a very open person. I don't like hiding. I don't appreciate insincerity, hypocrisy, or other such unpleasantness that can often be associated with the worst examples of humanity. Since I've never been a big fan of humanity in the first place, the worst examples hold a special place of perturbation in my eyes. What's even worse is when I let such individuals into my realms and find that, like a barnacle on a whale's arse, they're nigh to impossible to rid myself of them.

And that makes me angry at myself. Because I was fool enough to allow these people any access to my life to begin with, I'm now having to suffer their intolerability indefinitely. The situation is dire and untenable. And I have only myself to blame. I've suffered so much unwarranted abuse over the past few months and I've searched my life over the past few years to see if maybe Karma might be involved here. I have found nothing to merit such foulness. I'm still in the process of sorting out the situation. The more I'm forced to dwell on it, the more infuriated I become. If anger makes a better Sith, I'm the best Sith in the galaxy, this one or the other one that's far, far away. My rage has been sufficiently honed.

I am once again behind on my email. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day for me to do everything I need or want to do. One of my problems is focus. Fibro Fog has been a serious issue for me of late and this doesn't amuse me in the least. One thing that did seem to help that condition was my consumption of a couple of Arizona Rx Energy Fast Shots the other night. No, I didn't drink two at one sitting. I paced them out over the course of a few hours. I needed to be awake and alert that night, and I needed my faculties. I got everything I needed out of that, but I am not making a habit of drinking energy drinks. First of all, despite the herbal base of such concoctions (extreme caffeine notwithstanding), I don't think they're very good for you. They serve a purpose when one needs to remain on one's toes but, other than that, it's a poor substitute for overcoming Fibro Fog naturally. It's just something I have to deal with in my own way and without the risky effects of energy elixirs. That's not to say I won't get more Arizonas if the need arises, given similar situations like the other night. I'm just not going to Do Whacka Do on a regular basis.

Even though I have signed up to participate in NaNoWriMo, I have resigned myself to the fact that I will not win this year; however, that's not to say I won't succeed in my goal. There are two reasons I signed up for NaNo. The main reason was to challenge myself to finish The Blood Crown. Even though I doubt I'll reach my 50k goal required by NaNo to win, I'm pretty certain I'll come close to completing the second installment of The Vampire Relics. I've created a Facebook group for the Relics and will probably create an LJ comm for them as well. When I do this, I'll be deleting chalice_novel. gunslingaaahhh is going to be editing The Chalice, which will go up in installments in the new Vampire Relics community. She's currently editing "The Sainted Confessor," which is a huge chunk of The Blood Crown. That'll be the first thing to go up in the FB group, but it won't appear in the community over here until The Blood Crown is complete.

I won't win NaNo this year because The Joker Blogs is still going on and will continue past Samhain. I was under the impression the series would end at Halloween. This has been extended. I don't know when the series will end now. Who knows? The current series may end and then another may begin? That's total speculation on my part maybe just a wee tad of wishful thinking. Either way, when I committed to help Dude with my own odd brand of PR, I did so for the long haul or until he tells me to walk the plank. I can't turn away from my duties to TJB for the entire month of November. I don't feel right doing it. It's not who I am to make a commitment, then just wander off for a little while when I might be needed to do what I promised I would do. So I'll be balancing NaNo and TJB in November and that means writing 50k words in 30 days might not be the most realistic goal in the world.

Is it doable? It might be. I'm going to give it my all. I'll give my all to both projects. But some things, like email, may be neglected as a result. Best to leave me messages on my posts here or reach out to me on Facebook or Twitter. That's not to say I won't write you back if you send me an email. I'm just saying it may take a while. When you have no mind to wrap around all the things you're doing, life in general gets a little convoluted.

Speaking of email, I got an email notification of a comment posted to my You Tube channel. It says: Tinhuviel...WOW! I knew you from your Shriekback yahoogroup back about 10 years ago! Not sure if I was Lilly Tilly, Sierra Bloom or Heide (or was I meengreens) in those days, LOL

I read an awesome story of yours back then, something very Vampirish, with a man remindful of B. Great stuff... just found your name on a... what else? ... Shriekback video!

How freaky-cool is that? I remember HeideHo very well. We had some very cool astrological conversations, mainly about B's chart, which is oddly almost identical to mine, even though our birthdays are almost 11 years apart and we were born in extremely different locales. Guess that's one reason why we've always kind of grokked on both a spoken and unspoken level. I left a comment on Heide's YT channel and I've friended her. If I'm not mistaken, she's a Canadian. I love Canadians. It's good to reconnect to people with whom you've lost touch. I gathered quite a network of unique and talented souls when I went searching for fellow Shriekback fans in the hope of rallying a revival of the band. That goal was met and produced some wonderful friendships, inspired creations by fans, and surreal encounters (like my visit with B in 2006). There's nothing I love more than to be an active part of a group of souls coming together for a common purpose and, as a result, Making Things Happen. Yes, that's capitalised for a reason. It's that important. And it always thrills me when souls that may have drifted apart, find their way back to one another. Now, if only Me'Shel'le would emerge from her hidey-hole...

I'm about 1/3 of the way through another Date story, this one called "The Artist's Date," and is a sort of 'thank you basket' to luvthyjoker for the lovely art she's so far contributed to The Vampire Relics. It's your typical Joker Date Night tale with the 3 rules to be followed strictly: 1) A Heath Ledger Reference, 2) An original scar story, and 3) the Date dies. There were a few special requests for this particular date since it is, after all, luvthyjoker's date. She's a horror nut and is truly looking forward to being murdered by J. This is not to say I want her dead in any way, shape, or form, but her wish is my command and J's absolute pleasure. Not sure where this will fit in the chronology, but Sidney's alive, so it's definitely after "The Nun's Date," where he was introduced. I'm not sure if I ever mentioned that Sidney is based entirely upon Sidney Poitier, who starred in Lilies of the Field. That was my paternal grandmother, Granny's all-time favourite film and, since it has to do with nun's it just made sense to me to connect this movie with "The Nun's Date" and introduce a little grounding energy to Joker's madcap existence. And I'm probably going to hell for making such a connection. Yet another reason I should be preparing my handbasket now. I'm truly racking up the Hell points these days...trust me.

After I finish "The Artist's Date," I'm making a bit of a departure in J-fic Land and am going to try my hand at writing Joker as a woman. Why? Well, it's another "thank you basket," this time to acook, who did a fantastic reading of a portion of "The Sainted Confessor." Over time, she's been creating a costume tailored just for her and her version of Joker. No, she's not dressing as Joker or as a girl trying to be Joker. No no no, it's not that simple. No. acook has defined herself as Joker, had Joker been female all along. acook is Femme Joker. That said, I'm going to attempt a fic based on that concept. I have no idea what it's going to be like and it will mean introducing yet another J into my already crowded head, but I think it'll be worth it. To give an idea of what Femme Joker is all about, I present this snappy little video. Prepare to get your Romany on.


While we're talking J-fic, I want to scream from the hilltops that the third chapter of The Endgame is available for reading. I can't stress enough how you really should be reading this fiction. It only gets better with each subsequent chapter, so you're destined to be hooked and happy for it. Here's the link to the third chapter, entitled Epiphany. paisleydaze is truly a rare talent in writing and her ability to bring life to her characters, even those who aren't originally hers, is uncanny. When I read her Joker, I can hear him in my head. I love it when that happens and, therefore, I love Soph's story. You should read it, I'm telling you. It's not just good Joker fanfiction, it's good fiction period. And I need to finish my picture of Claire that I began ages ago. Like I said...not enough hours in the day for everything I want and need to do. But it'll happen, every...last...bit... Or heads will roll. And that'll be fun too.

I'm surrounded by talented people for the most part. Some who think they have me surrounded also think they're talented. They should think better of it. But that's another rant for another day. For now, I'm just gonna sit here and be grateful for talented friends who allow me to tag along.

I think that certainly should be enough from me. At least for now. I'm around these parts, just lurking, watching and observing. I'd never desert you guys...unless offered plenty of money. Hee! I'm gonna try to doze a little now. Then it's back up to write some more. It's 33 degrees here right now. Unprecedented.

More so than usual, I'm in a quite writerly disposition. It must be something in the thick, barely-breathable air! dandyxrandy sent me the first draft of our collective narrative, with some additional commentary by her Jess to my J's answers. J couldn't very well let that go, so I just finished up Draft 1/2.0 and shot it off to her in an email. Now, I'm staring at The Blood Crown. Kelat has informed Orphaeus of her plan to give him the memories of the Tarmian race. My task is to figure out how this is going to happen and, then, how I'm going to describe it happening. Honestly, I'm struggling to maintain the poetic tone I established in The Chalice, so this is slower-going than I would prefer. I want it all done now now now!

Speaking of poetics, I need to sit down and listen to 'Dreamlife of Dogs' and 'Nowhere Nothing Ever' while perusing the lyrics until I can sufficiently put into words what I think of the songs. Barry is feeling a little creatively blue and, if I can cheer him on with one of my reviews then, by the Mighties, that's what I will do!

There are storms once again predicted for this afternoon, so I'll be doing all of this whilst dodging lightning. If we get another major thunder-bumper like the one that came through late yesterday, I may have to take a movie and post it. All hell broke loose in Duncan and it was so much fun.

**Note to song_tothesiren: I promise to read more of your fiction very soon. I cycle it dribs and drabs of either writing or reading, and I'm in a writing jag at the mo. Please don't think I'm ignoring you!

The weather seems to have knocked out the Weather Channel's signal. ::snicker::

Oh and... ( It had to be done )

We're expected to get 3-5 inches of snow in the Armpit of Hell. Typically, everyone around the Upstate of SC gets snow and we get cold rain. It's like we're in some kind of vortex of shitty weather or something. Anyway, it's still raining here while reports of snow and even Thunder Snow come in from Georgia and North Carolina. I hate this place. Hate.It.

While Aunt Tudi was watching the latest on Hurricane Gustav, I came across an old journal from my Dedicant days in 1992. The first page, written in late October of 1992, is entitled "The Tornado and the Hurricane Speak." I decided to transcribe it here in hopes that it might bring a shred of comfort to anyone in the path of the oncoming storm who might chance upon this entry. My thoughts are with everyone in New Orleans. Despite my affinity for Crone weather, I'm not at all happy that NOLA might be getting it again. That area has had enough horror and heartache to last a lifetime. Again, hopefully this might bring a little peace in the coming days of worry.

THE TORNADO AND THE HURRICANE SPEAK

We are the hand of the Dark Goddess, She who creates through destruction. The banishment of the Circle is performed by going widdershins, and so it is that we travel widdershins in order to banish the old, or that which is deemed ready to pass from this place. It is we who roar in welcome of new landscapes, new vegetation, new life. We do not destroy for destruction's sake. Our fury blows for the potential of Creation that follows in the footsteps of the Crone as surely as Spring chases Winter.

It has stormed all day long today, as my Sith siblings in Gawgia know all too well. Our weather radio has been alarming, on average, about three times an hour, alerting us to severe weather heading in our direction. We've been under Tornado Watch 119 all day long. It lasts until 7 PM tonight, at which time I'm thinking we'll probably go under Tornado Watch 120 until only Goddess knows when. Aunt Tudi and I have been sitting in the dark for the majority of the day, waiting for some sort of reprieve to where we could safely use some electricity. That reprieve is now, but I don't know how long it will last. I just saw a flash of lightning outside.

At least it's not 400 degrees and we're having to do without A/C. When the Alpaca Lips happens, if there are survivors afterward, a lot of those survivors will perish underneath the cruel Southern Summer sun. For my part, I'd rather just drop dead quick during the Alpaca Lips.

I didn't have to wait nearly as long at the school today as I have the other days. Today was the day I would find out whether or not I would have to take any placement tests. Because of my extensive English courses in both high school and college, I was fine there. Math was a different matter. They set me up for a math test to see if I'd need to take any algebra courses. I went into the testing room resigned to the fact that I was about to make a spectacle of myself. It turns out that I did better than I expected and actually did well enough to not have to take any math courses. ::puffs up:: Maybe I'm better at math than I thought I was. Or maybe I'm just a really good guesser. Either way, I was in the home stretch of registration. I was directed to the registration office where I signed in and began to wait. It took about an hour before I was called back. My "adviser" had the personality of wet towel. That said, registration when quickly and without incident, although he did ask me if I had cats because he noticed the scratch I got on my arm, courtesy of Aloysius. When I told him yes and how many, he looked at me like I was some sort of crazy cat lady and hurried me out of his cube. That's fine. At least now I have my class schedule and equipment requirements. I get to go back on Friday and mooch for money, aka talk to Financial Aid.

While I was waiting to be registered, I wrapped up "Sui Generis" with, if I may say so, a mighty fine segue into "Beautiful Pets." It still needs some tweaking here and there, but I'm well-pleased to finally have this story/chapter behind me. Cadmus' brief biography has been plaguing me for...oh....six years. It's about bloody time I got it on paper.

After I left the school, I zipped by Llew's place of employment and dropped off my computer so he could work on that Power Point project. The plan was that I'd pick the computer up when I went to see him at home this evening. After leaving the shop, I stopped at the vet's office to pick up some Interceptor for the dogs, then I went home and collected Aunt Tudi to take her to her eye doctor.

We got to Dr. Weeks a little early, so they went ahead and took Aunt Tudi on back. They dilated her eyes, which is always fun -- for me. I love dilated eyes. I think there's something fundamentally Elven about them. So I've spent a lot of time gazing into Aunt Tudi's eyeballs. She got a pretty good report. Her cataracts are a little foggier, but not too bad, and she still doesn't need prescription glasses. She's 62 and only needs drugstore reading glasses, and I'm 38 and have been wearing prescription lenses for two years. What's wrong with this picture?

After the doc, we ran by the grocery for some pop, milk, and cheese, because that's what we're living on at the moment. By the time we got home, both of us were so sick from the heat, Aunt Tudi passed out on the couch in front of a fan, and I horked up my lungs in the bathroom. I hate Summer. And I hate global warming. And I hate that shithead in Washington DC who says there's no such thing. Thanks to my getting sick from the heat, mine and Llew's festivities have been postponed until Thursday evening. He came back on his way home from work and gave me my computer and here I am.

At least now, I've cooled off and am no longer churned up from the heat. Blech. Tomorrow we're under another heat advisory. I may avoid the out of doors at all costs.

My Number One Summer Memory is pretty representative of my feelings regarding the worst season. I was 13 when Aunt Tudi and Granny took it upon themselves to hijack my arse and move it to South Carolina. We moved in the house I would eventually buy years later, behind Uncle Michael and his family. At the time, none of us had AC. In 1981, Global Warming had not even been heard of, as far as I know... I could be wrong there. It was still hotter than Hell's door knob, but not as hot or humid as it is now.

So...we came down here in June of 1981. In July, the heat really started oppressing all us inmates of South Carolina. It was horrible. The only way to get cool was to go outside and fan yourself, hoping that the mosquitoes wouldn't take every last drop of blood in your pathetic, clammy, fish-coloured body. In those days, Uncle Michael would do tons of woodwork and crafts in his little shop. His shop was about the size of two port-a-potties glued together and it was packed to the ceiling with wood, electric tools, and sundry gadgets. It was a Man's Building. It even had the obligatory Lynda Carter (as Wonder Woman, of course) poster adorning the door. Every day, it was tradition: we kids helped Aunt Tudi, Janice, and Granny with the garden and then play until we collapsed from the heat while Uncle Michael went into his shop and sawed wood like mad.

One particular day in July, we were all out in the yard after garden work and play when, suddenly, the sound of Uncle Michael's skill saw stopped. ....And it didn't start back. The kids and women all looked at each other, wondering what was the deal. Then, with a loud crash, Uncle Michael burst out of his shop, stripping off his tee shirt and pulling his hair, which remained sticking out at the sides of his head like sweaty antennae. His eyes looked much like Smidgen's in the icon here, all glow-y and otherworldly, and he was beet red all over. The string of expletives that came out of his mouth made many a dead sailor spin in his watery grave, I can guarantee you that. But, what he said at the end of his tirade has forever defined South Carolina Summers for me, especially now that we're in the throes of Global Warming:

MY GOD DAMNED BRAINS ARE BAKIN'!

Ah yes. The good ole days. ::ambles off to pour herself some sweet tea::

I was supposed to go over and see Llew today, but he ended up having to babysit until 5:30 this afternoon. He said we could still go flying, but I'm not keen on doing anything with the kid because.....well, because she's a kid. I don't do kids. I have contended in the past that the only way I'd intentionally have a child would be to ensure good meat for when the pickin's get slim after the Alpaca Lips. I am that wicked witch who fattens up children for baking in a pie. As for Llew, I'm going to see him tomorrow.

As is almost weekly tradition 'round here, I went out to cut the grass. It's so dry in our area right now that I blow red snot outta my nose for hours after I'm finished mowing. Maybe I need to wear one of those face masks, but I really don't want to do that. I already wear Terminator sunglasses to keep the light and crap out of my eyes. Combine that with a face mask and I'd end up looking like an extra on the Road Warrior set. It was hot out there. I was slimy by the time I was finished. I was a pale blue, slimy lump of misery who was blowing red mud out of her nose and throat. Attractive. Very attractive.

Aunt Tudi and I prepared an actual dinner to eat today. We had conflake crust fried boneless/skinless chicken, glow-in-the-dark green beans, and mashed potatoes. Afterward, Aunt Tudi had a slice of sugar free lemon pie and I had a nap.

An hour after that, I drug out the computer to stare at The Chalice for a while. I've hit another block. All I want to do is get past "Sui Generis," then the rest will be gravy. I'm so close, but I can't seem to get there. In frustration, I threw my hands up in the air and logged on to The INTARWEBS. Once there, I stared at the e-mails I need to answer and the journal in which I haven't written all day, while I watched the bad news about the Middle East. So I made a misanthropic post about that in misanthrope_inc, then commenced to staring at The Chalice again. Oh, and I got an email from moad_terran_hq in which he sent me some pictures of himself.

He is a hottie. It is proclaimed, yea and verily. As it is written, so shall it be done. Amen.

And that brings me up to this point in time. Now, I'm watching a Law & Order: CI that I've seen twice before and debating on whether or not to post another useless poll about nothing and everything. Honestly, I can't be sussed. All I want to do is finish up "Sui Generis," go to bed, and watch Harry Potter movies until I fall asleep.

Tomorrow is an early day. After being delayed last week, I'm heading out to Greenville Tech to take my placement tests and enroll for the Autumn semester. After that, I'm hoping I can go on to the financial aid office and let them see my cupped hand of blatant begging. Gimme money pleez. I R POOOOR. I spent all my money in England, so pity me! All I want to do is care for the animals and hit humans with a big stick, so please let me come to school for free. Better yet, pay me to come to school so I won't have to work whilst getting an education.

It would be nice to be a slacker student. It'd give me time to get back into the groove of school life. I've got twenty years of rust to scrape off my edumacation skillz.

I was supposed to go spend some time with Llew today after he was finished babysitting Destiny. Initially, it was to be around 5 PM. I called shortly beforehand to discover that Melanie wouldn't be home until 5:30, so I told Llew I'd see him then. I got to the house around 5:35 and Melanie was there, but she told me that Llew and Destiny were both crashed out asleep. I went into Llew's bedroom to see the sleeping beauties snoring away, so I left a note to let Llew know I'd been there. After bidding Melanie adieu, I left, went to the drug store and the grocery (for popsicles and hotdogs), and then I came back home. I guess I'll see Llew Tuesday, if all pans out okay.

One thing's for certain: Llew's gonna have a helluva time sleeping tonight after having two naps today. He's gonna feel like bantha poodoo at work tomorrow. But I think he has the same affliction as I. We're both inclined to sleep during the day and become very much awake at night. It's the Night Owl Syndrome, methinks. Llew will get up early, but is inclined to nap during the day on weekends. Me? I'll go to bed early, get up late, and still feel like shit until the sun goes down. Unfortunately, we've been cloudless for many days now, so all I see when I look or go outside is the sun. The hot, burning, sizzling, steaming, unmerciful sun.

Please take me back to England where there are clouds and more forgiving temperatures (at least most of the time).

Aunt Tudi is in the kitchen making up hotdogs. We're having them with cole slaw on top this time, which is my favourite way. She'll probably devour two or three. I'm having one. Afterward, Aunt Tudi will enjoy a sugar free popsicle for dessert and I shall have a scoop of Life Savers Wild Berry Sherbet. It's a frozen party in your mouth. Other than it being hotter than a whore working overtime, life is pretty damned skippy.

Nine Inch Nails is perfect Summer music. You feel like you're listening to Hell's soundtrack and it just seems to fit perfectly with the South Carolina heat. The only difference is that I do not want to fuck anyone like an animal. I don't want that close to any-damned-body. Keep your animal fuckery away from me unless you're wearing an ice-encrusted body condom. Then, come rub all over me, baby! I'm hot! Not hot as in sexay, but hot as in I'm roasting in my own juices, this is ungodly, please help!

The question keeps arising in my bubbling brain: Can you imagine what it's going to be like in August? Sadly, I can imagine it, and it terrifies me. It's not scary on a "oh gee, this is gonna be uncomfy" level; rather, it's scary on a "all the meteorologists from the Weather Channel are circled about me in black robes and chanting 'burn in hell burn in hell' level. The Weather Channel is going to air a new show called It WILL Happen Tomorrow, featuring South Carolina spontaneously combusting and leaving what looks like a skid mark in Axl Rose's underpants on the map of the United States of America.

I would rather be hit in the left temple with a large hammer than to tolerate one more Summer day here in The South. I would rather have my eyes eaten out by emaciated turkey buzzards than have to see one more Southern sunrise. I would rather be buggered by desperately angry outcasts from Oz than be reminded that it isn't even Summer yet.

There's a host of people who've pointed out that I live so close to the Waystation, that I could walk to work. Why, yes, yes I could walk to work, if the people here didn't mind a wet, miserable soul, gibbering with the madness only the Southern sun can bring teetering in to do her job for 8 hours, if she lasted that long after having suffered a heat stroke. Thanks, but I'll reserve the walking to the 2.5 days of Autumn we might be afforded this year, if we survive the Summer.

I took Aunt Tudi to the doctor about her back today. He's ordered up two weeks of intensive massage therapy for her back and physical therapy for her left knee, which is deteriorating at a faster speed from arthritis than the right one. She goes three times a week for two weeks. Now we've got to figure out how to get her there since I start work next week and won't be able to take her myself. Public transport isn't an option as we have none in our area. I'm thinking that Johnna could do it for us, especially if I warm her palm with fundage for gas and her time. It'll work out.

Aunt Tudi and I bought a new weather alert radio today. It's one of those radios that hones in and gives alerts for a particular area. This is a very good thing because, even though I don't harbour any malice for folks in the low country of SC and upper Georgia, I get a little pissy when the weather alert goes off and wakes me up in the middle of the night only to let me know there's a thunderstorm in Rabin-fucking County, Georgia. Now, when the alarm goes off, we'll know we're about to die and prepare ourselves accordingly. Werd.

On the way back from the doctor, I toodled down Rogers Bridge Road to see how far Lytles is from home. It's a half mile. BMG was 2.5 miles away and I felt that I'd never have it that good again. And I don't. I have it better. Going back and forth to work for a week will put 5 miles on my car. Five miles. I could walk to work on decent days and be there in 10 to 15 minutes. When I say "decent days," I'm talking about days where the temperature isn't making your skin bubble up and fall off your bones as you run, screaming, along the countryside begging god for death. When South Carolina's 3 days of Autumn and 5 days of Winter come along, I can walk to work. And, in the event of an ice or snow storm, I can can strap Chester and Riley to a garbage can lid and have them pull my Iditaroding arse to work. Ho ho ho!

Ohhhh, and I heard a hilarious news story about Sony BMG on CNBC earlier today whilst waiting on Aunt Tudi to get an X-Ray of her knee. In the last 12 months, Sony BMG's U.S. market share dropped to 26%, from 28% a year earlier, according to Nielsen SoundScan.. ::SNORKLE:: It's like watching what folks are left turn on each other for the purposes of cannibalism after they learned that their human sacrifices to the Great Music Biz Monster God (I'm among this lot) were of absolutely no consequence. They're forsaken. I am enjoying watching the decline of the music business as a whole. It's my wish to witness its utter destruction before 12/21/2012 arrives. Bwaaaahahahahah! My only regret is that many of my friends are still suffering under this tyranny and they don't deserve such treatment. Todd is one of them, although I can't help but wish he'd leave all that rot behind and just come home. But that's me being selfish.

We're in for a stormy night. I'm hoping I get to see Dr. Who before we either have to turn off and unhook everything, or we lose power. Otherwise, let it rip! We need some rain, we need some wind, and we need some cooler weather. I can't imagine what it's gonna be like in July since we're already having July's weather in late May and now early June.

"Spring has sprung
Fall has fell
Summer's here
And it's hotter than hell."

That was the poem my Granny used to recite right around this time each year. And, from a friend I used to work with at BMG:

"Spring has sprung
The grass has rizz
I wonder where
The flowers is?"

This is the only thing that makes me smile this time of year. While others are awash in glee over the warming and lengthening of the days, I find myself growing more withdrawn, angry, and depressed. Maybe I'm a true Crone by nature and in deepest caverns of my heart, but I'm only truly happy when the leaves are turning and the air holds a distinct crispness.

We've had no Winter to speak of and already my grass needs to be cut. Already the fleas are coming on full force. Already the bees are hovering around the front porch. Already the heat is pressing in. The further south Aunt Tudi and I drove today, the warmer it got. By the time we reached Moncks Corner, it was 83 degrees locally. That's not right.

Where's my snow? Where's the bonechilling wind and grey days? What happened to my Winter?

And who will come and cut my grass?

The only white out South Carolina ever has is a KKK rally.

I rented it on Video on Demand on account of I hadn't seen it yet and I figured Romero's birthday is as good a day as any to catch a good flick. Right? I forgot that John Leguizamo was in this movie. Hubba hubba, waka waka.

Motley has enjoyed a hefty little growth spurt. She now actually looks like a six-month old kitten, albeit a small one. Now she's all legs and her primary joy in life is running like a little bat out of hell. True to her Manx nature, she trills more than meows. She's gotten in the habit of running past either Aunt Tudi or myself and trilling as she zips to the kitchen. It's her way of saying "feed me Seymour!" I call it her drive-by trilling. And she sounds a lot heavier than she actually is when she runs like that. Motley really puts all her power in those gangly little legs of hers.

Aunt Tudi has taken a wild hair and is outside doing yard work. I, on the other hand, am not. The Moon isn't conducive for heaving and tugging at branches that didn't need to be cut down in the first place. Sometimes I think Aunt Tudi invents stuff to do just to do stuff, if that makes any sense. Me? I'm just lying around bleeding and feeling sorry for myself.

So far today has been pretty chilly and windy, which makes it feel even chillier. Word has it that we may be in for some snow come Monday. Omigawd, I hope so! Nothing would make me happier than to experience a little bit of Winter weather in fucking Winter. There will be pictures if there is snow. Pictures and a mighty celebration.