Tinhuviel Artanis

They say that home is where the heart is. If that's the case, I'm headed home no later than the 9th of May, where I shall find my heart resting in the mists of the Smoky Mountains.

At 6:30 this morning, my phone rang.  It was Janice. She had heard from the lawyer, who told her that a Tracy Evans had a $14,000.00 lien on her name, and had been so since 2009. He told Janice that he'd need my social security number to compare with his records, to verify that the Tracy Evans in question was not, in fact, me. Well, I'd already read up on Ms. Evans when I did my own documents search at the Clerk of Court's website. This Tracy lives in Boiling Springs, a town I've only visited like 6 times total. Anyway, I gave her my social security number and we hung up so she could provide the info to her lawyer.

About 15 minutes later, my phone rang again, and it was Janice, again.  The lawyer did his comparison dealio, confirming that my name is in the clear. She said that, if she could get Johnna to watch Uncle Michael long enough for her to dash up to Duncan, she would go ahead and transfer the money to my account.

Waves of relief washed over me in that instance! I continued to get ready and head in to the outpatient program, and it took me hardly any time at all, thanks to that bounce that suddenly showed up in my step! My fellow outpatient attendees were all super jacked at my good news, but none more so than I!  By the time IOP was completed for the day, I checked my bank to find the transfer of funds was in process. Tomorrow, it should be available, so I can proceed with the items I need to purchase for the move, as well as get my plane tickets and maybe even pack up one big box of my stuff and ship it on to Janice ahead of myself and the beasties.

Needless to say, I have offered up multitudinous thanks to the Paniverse*, the Goddess, Elementals, and any other unseen critters who were in attendance at my big honkin' fundage acquisition magickal working, the first spellwork I had attempted since 2009. I deconstructed my money mojo bag, clearing any stones I'd used, and scattering the herbs, roots, and wax beneath the eucalyptus tree.  I buried the bag, along with the parchment stating my intent and need, at the base of the tree.  I did the same with the herbal sachet, scattering the herbs, giving thanks, and burying the bag.  I feel more at peace right now than I have since before 2011.  And it's not just relief at now having the money to move, no, it's a deeper peace than mere relief.  It's the peace one feels when they know in the very marrow of their bones, that the path they are taking is the right one, because everything occurring whilst on that path happens at exactly the right time, or happens in spite of all improbability.  It's the peace of recognising synchronicity and welcoming it into your life.  The kind of peace you experience when you return home, or know you will be.  That is the peace I am feeling, and it is marvelous in every way.

There is a shit tonne of stuff I need to get done, and I have little time left in which to do it.  But I shall prevail! After spending two weeks barely holding myself together from stress and worry, I feel there is nothing I can't do at this time and place in my life.  Of course, I'm not stupid enough to put that to the test.

This one perfect [portion of a] sentence flawlessly describes the point at where my lifelong spiritual journey has been going since August 2011. When I began studying Witchcraft in the late 80s, I was particularly struck by the notion that praying or working magick for someone who neither asked, nor gave their permission for you to do so can, at the very least, be perceived as unethical when looking at the deed through the Wiccan Rede. As someone who grew up in an area of America where "I'll pray for you" was a phrase that implicated two very different messages (1. I care about you and only want the best for you in these difficult times and 2. Just you wait - you'll get yours!), I began refraining from imposing my spiritual inclinations, if only indirectly through prayer/magick/whatever, without explicit permission to do so.

When Aunt Tudi died, I was bombarded with declarations, all of which were well-intentioned from people who truly care about me, of: "I will pray for you." Her death had already hurtled me into a crisis of faith, so the innocent efforts on the part of friends and family, fell on increasingly resentful ears. Most of the time, I felt violated in a very profound way, by the very people who meant, and still mean, everything to me. That one simple sentence tipped the balance of my Agnostic Paganism onto a burgeoning Agnostic Atheism. The emotional and psychological landscape in which I found myself, and still do to a slightly lesser degree, found no presence of god, goddess, or anything in between. I began politely requesting that people leave me out of their communications with the deity or deities in which they believe. Most everyone understood why I asked this of them. Some were offended, but came to accept and honour my wishes. A minute number were determined to carry on with their activities, feeling that my request was born out of aftershock, immeasurable grief, and misplaced opposition to faith-based efforts on my behalf, their logic being that, once the initial trauma eased, I would be grateful to them for keeping my spiritual back when my own belief system had been shaken to the point of abandoning it altogether.

The reason why I'm posting this quote and link, and adding my opinions regarding its subject, is to add some perspective for anyone who is suffering in some way, or knows someone in crisis of any kind. The issue of spirituality and the countless religions that have sprung from it is probably the most sensitive in human culture. Before you inadvertently have a hand in someone's loss of faith, think as objectively as you can in a wholly subjective situation. Pray on it, if that's how you address the moments in life that leave you unsure of what you could or should do. Listen to your inner voice and, most importantly, listen to the one for whom you want to pray or hold ritual. Just being there for her/him could be the best thing for them, and may eventually restore faith on its own terms.