Dreadfully Morose Emo Post
Mar. 10th, 2008 05:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tinhuvielI can't listen to "Somewhere over the Rainbow" by Israel Ka'ano'i Kamakawiwo'ole anymore because it's been marked by memories of the Father Unit. Hearing it just makes me incredibly woeful. Daddy passed in 2006 and the wound seems more raw now than it did when he left us. Aunt Tudi seems to feel the same way, but she talks about it...to me. I try to be strong and not cry when she does this, but her dialogue is like a hot knife in my heart. I miss him. I regret some of the things that happened between us. I wish we'd had a better relationship and that I had more memories of him, and better memories of him. When the Mother Unit and he separated, some very scary things happened, things that still burrow into my deepest core to cause a subtle dread in the child turned adult. But it doesn't stop me from missing him. I just want another day with him. I'd make the most of every minute and make sure he knew that I truly loved him. I'm not sure he really knew that when he died and it breaks my heart to think of it. My relationship with my Father Unit is definitely a major link in my own Jacob Marley's Chain.
I miss the energy and sanctity of a Circle of Witches, working together and singing together. There was a passage in Dies the Fire I read today that brought back the Magickal moments experienced in Hecate Triskele. I miss the Temple and, especially, the sodded Circle found at the base of the dangerous stone steps that led to it. The times I had with Lord Ariel Morgan, when we worked together as High Priestess and High Priest, were particularly astounding because I felt the presence of the Living Goddess within me. He and I spoke such sacred words during those times, our eloquence going beyond our capacity as humans outside the Circle.
Being Solitary isn't always easy. And knowing that I can never go back to the mountain, to the sacred Caledonii Circle, makes me very sad indeed. It's like never being able to go home. I may write Ariel and ask him if the Circle still exists and if his parents would mind my visiting sometime. It's a drastic move, but one that needs doing because the ache to return there just grows as the years pass by.
Storm Moon is coming soon. The moon of March has always held a special place in my Witch's heart. I guess you could say that Storm Magick is one of my specialties. It may be time for a High Ritual at the coming Esbat. Prayers need to be said. Cleansing needs to be performed. A reconnection needs to be made.
And, afterward, perhaps I'll look for active Covens in the area, just to visit and soak up the energies only a group of Witches can create. Or maybe not. Being Solitary isn't easy, but it isn't easy to not be Solitary either.
I miss the energy and sanctity of a Circle of Witches, working together and singing together. There was a passage in Dies the Fire I read today that brought back the Magickal moments experienced in Hecate Triskele. I miss the Temple and, especially, the sodded Circle found at the base of the dangerous stone steps that led to it. The times I had with Lord Ariel Morgan, when we worked together as High Priestess and High Priest, were particularly astounding because I felt the presence of the Living Goddess within me. He and I spoke such sacred words during those times, our eloquence going beyond our capacity as humans outside the Circle.
Being Solitary isn't always easy. And knowing that I can never go back to the mountain, to the sacred Caledonii Circle, makes me very sad indeed. It's like never being able to go home. I may write Ariel and ask him if the Circle still exists and if his parents would mind my visiting sometime. It's a drastic move, but one that needs doing because the ache to return there just grows as the years pass by.
Storm Moon is coming soon. The moon of March has always held a special place in my Witch's heart. I guess you could say that Storm Magick is one of my specialties. It may be time for a High Ritual at the coming Esbat. Prayers need to be said. Cleansing needs to be performed. A reconnection needs to be made.
And, afterward, perhaps I'll look for active Covens in the area, just to visit and soak up the energies only a group of Witches can create. Or maybe not. Being Solitary isn't easy, but it isn't easy to not be Solitary either.
