Sleep Update

[tinhuviel]

I slept some last night, but never got in deep. It was one of those nights where I was asleep, but I knew I was asleep. My mind never stopped, going through songs, snippets of movies, math equations (I never can figure this out, because I can barely add 2 + 2, thank you Big Brother!), jots of writing, what have you. I'd rather not sleep at all than to have my mind racing constantly while it pretends to sleep. I always "wake up" with a pounding headache from clenching my teeth while my mind spins out of control. This is the third night in a row with no sleep to speak of. As a result, I snapped earlier with Aunt Tudi. She just kept pressing my buttons and refused to leave me alone about getting things done but, when your body refuses to move and your mind is just not working, it's kind of hard to get things done. And I lost my temper. We had a screamfest, which is really unusual for me. I'm not a shouter. I tend to just nod and smile and calmly request that I not be yelled at because the Father Unit used to yell when I was a kid and it kinda developed in me an aversion to such behaviour. But I really snapped and I said - no, I shouted - some really out of line things at Aunt Tudi. What distressed me even more were some of my mannerisms when I lost it. Not a good sign. Anyway, that was about 4 hours ago and she's been asleep for the most part ever since. When she woke up a couple of hours ago, I apologised. She did the same, then turned over on the couch and went back to sleep.

I'd give the world to sleep like that. I'd sell my soul. I'd do anything, anything, anything for a good night's sleep.