While we were in Cali, I discovered with glee that there were 7-11's everywhere.
Here's the thing: when I was a kid in Asheville, I was "on" Slurpee's. I didn't just drink them, I was "on" them, as in addicted. All three flavours (grape, cherry, and cola) were wonderful, but I was partial to grape. I had to have at least one Slurpee a week and experience the wonders of Brain Freeze, or I felt incomplete.
When we moved from Asheville to SC, I soon discovered that 7-11's were nowhere to be found in the Armpit of Hell. Shortly thereafter, the withdrawals kicked in and I was one bereft Slurpee-head. A few months later, when we went back home for a visit, the number one stop on my list was 7-11; but, it was closed down. I cried me a river of Slurpless tears on that dark day. No 7-11's anywhere in our region....anywhere! What was I to do?
That was in 1981. In 1998, I went to visit Todd in Portland. Lo and Behold, Portland has 7-11's! I dashed in to get one only to find that my flavours were not available. There was some fruit punch Slurpee and a raspberry Slurpee available, but no grape, cherry, or cola. WTF? I broke tradition and opted for a raspberry, letting the luscious Brain Freeze sink in.
There was then a 2 year dry spell....until Virginia Beach. When we went to VB in 2000 for the Sci Fi convention, I found me a 7-11 and sacheted up to the Slurpee machine only to find some tropical flavour in lieu of grape or cherry. At least they had the cola. It was better than nothing. I was Slurpified, but not wholly satisfied.
And now we come to present day, with me in Sunny California hurtling along the highway in the backseat of the Grandmother Unit's vehicle, when I saw that glorious orange, white, and green sign. 7-11. I asked the Mother Unit to stop and in I went. The Slurpee machine had grown and offered 4 flavours: pina colada, cola, cherry, and grape. I succumbed to the nagging addiction that never truly went away and purchased myself a breathtakingly wonderful GRAPE SLURPEE. The smallest cup I could find was 20 ounces, so I nursed it for hours, wallowing in the gloriousness that can only be achieved by the Mighty Slurpee. It was one of the most sublime moments in recent history. And I was so impressed and grateful that the three traditional flavours were available.
This brings me to my only beef with 7-11's Slurpee monopoly. I realise a lot of other frozen drink providers have gone all fancy by offering special flavours but, in my not-so-humble opinion, 7-11 needs to keep to the Traditional Three and screw all those gourmet ices. A Slurpee is not a Slurpee unless it's cherry, grape, or cola. Don't fuck around with the flavas, bitch! Because of 7-11 trying to be all hip, it took me 23 long gruelling horrific years to get me a grape Slurpee fix. Do you know what that can do to a woman? It can twist her in ways that are unnatural and uncalled-for.
So do us a favour, 7-11 Deities. In fact, do us 3 favours:
That is all.
Go with god.
Here's the thing: when I was a kid in Asheville, I was "on" Slurpee's. I didn't just drink them, I was "on" them, as in addicted. All three flavours (grape, cherry, and cola) were wonderful, but I was partial to grape. I had to have at least one Slurpee a week and experience the wonders of Brain Freeze, or I felt incomplete.
When we moved from Asheville to SC, I soon discovered that 7-11's were nowhere to be found in the Armpit of Hell. Shortly thereafter, the withdrawals kicked in and I was one bereft Slurpee-head. A few months later, when we went back home for a visit, the number one stop on my list was 7-11; but, it was closed down. I cried me a river of Slurpless tears on that dark day. No 7-11's anywhere in our region....anywhere! What was I to do?
That was in 1981. In 1998, I went to visit Todd in Portland. Lo and Behold, Portland has 7-11's! I dashed in to get one only to find that my flavours were not available. There was some fruit punch Slurpee and a raspberry Slurpee available, but no grape, cherry, or cola. WTF? I broke tradition and opted for a raspberry, letting the luscious Brain Freeze sink in.
There was then a 2 year dry spell....until Virginia Beach. When we went to VB in 2000 for the Sci Fi convention, I found me a 7-11 and sacheted up to the Slurpee machine only to find some tropical flavour in lieu of grape or cherry. At least they had the cola. It was better than nothing. I was Slurpified, but not wholly satisfied.
And now we come to present day, with me in Sunny California hurtling along the highway in the backseat of the Grandmother Unit's vehicle, when I saw that glorious orange, white, and green sign. 7-11. I asked the Mother Unit to stop and in I went. The Slurpee machine had grown and offered 4 flavours: pina colada, cola, cherry, and grape. I succumbed to the nagging addiction that never truly went away and purchased myself a breathtakingly wonderful GRAPE SLURPEE. The smallest cup I could find was 20 ounces, so I nursed it for hours, wallowing in the gloriousness that can only be achieved by the Mighty Slurpee. It was one of the most sublime moments in recent history. And I was so impressed and grateful that the three traditional flavours were available.
This brings me to my only beef with 7-11's Slurpee monopoly. I realise a lot of other frozen drink providers have gone all fancy by offering special flavours but, in my not-so-humble opinion, 7-11 needs to keep to the Traditional Three and screw all those gourmet ices. A Slurpee is not a Slurpee unless it's cherry, grape, or cola. Don't fuck around with the flavas, bitch! Because of 7-11 trying to be all hip, it took me 23 long gruelling horrific years to get me a grape Slurpee fix. Do you know what that can do to a woman? It can twist her in ways that are unnatural and uncalled-for.
So do us a favour, 7-11 Deities. In fact, do us 3 favours:
- Go back to the Old Ways and forever after offer cherry, grape, and cola Slurpees.
- Come back to the Southeast for godssake.
- Make teeny-tiny cups for addicts with gastric issues.
That is all.
Go with god.
