So Much for that

A dense fog descended upon the land overnight and, when it finally dissipated, most of the ice was gone. All in all, we got very little snow, but a fair amount of ice. But it shall be but a memory by the time tomorrow morning rolls around. If this is all the Winter I shall be afforded this year, I promise to be indefinitely unhappy and uncooperative.

I woke up this morning with an ache in my head and a Yorkie on my chest. At first, I thought I was a victim of an incubus, but no such luck. It was only my ragmop of a dog. This experience didn't improve my mood for the day. I'm hoping it will get better as we progress into the afternoon. We may be going to the post office later on where I'm hoping to find my unrated director's cut of Pitch Black. That will turn my mood swiftly, because I'm a pathetic media whore and fangirl with absolutely no hope of redemption.

For all the perverts out there, I'm typing this nekkid, as I'm about to jump in the shower.

Yo, Happy Birthday

to hooded_nubbins!

Book of Shadows

I've been rifling through what I guess could be called my Book of Shadows, wherein is collected all my lessons from the Caledonii Trad, all the rituals and meditations I wrote, some energy work written by Belisana, and I could go on and on. Also included were some of the other Moon Myths, and some rituals we wrote for the Crossroads Cabal. Oh, what a short-lived, but intense and educational, time that was!

Part of me wishes so profoundly to reconnect to all the Wiccan Ways, yet another part of me sadly reminds me that I can't go back down that road I've travelled. I've taken from that path all that I can take and am incapable of suspending my disbelief in order to embrace the rest of it. Sometimes I think I shall forever be Agnostic. Now, Wicca just seems a bit too sweet to me. Diabetics would be advised to avoid it if Wicca were a food. All the blessings, proclamations of "harm none," and general New Age drivel quite literally turn my stomach.

The basic premise of Wicca is real and good. Reconnectedness to the natural world is, in my opinion, our species' last best hope for both physical and spiritual survival. Any Earth-based faith is a good idea for people who need to realise our place in the Scheme of Things. But turning away from anything "negative" and dubbing it as unWiccan is falling into the same trap that so many Christians have yet to escape. I've heard a few Wiccans talk about the Tsunami as negative force. It was neither positvie nor negative. It was simply a force of Nature. Murder, mayhem, death, terror, and pain are necessary and quite prevalent aspects of the our Natural World. If we refuse to honour Kali alongside Dana, we are doing ourselves a disservice. We cannot reconnect to a world we perceive as being populated with rainbows and unicorns. We must reconnect with the world that could very well destroy us with a volcano or devour us in the jaws of a Kodiak bear. Native peoples celebrated the potential of death as much as they celebrated the gifts of life. That's what it's all about.

Sitting in dark rooms, lighting scented candles, and chanting names of deities we've never met just doesn't cut it. The ancient blood that sings in me cannot be appeased by the Wiccan Rede and a few flowery claims to ancient traditions that may be lucky to have seen the 1960s. We all have an ancient voice and it doesn't always sing the songs of sweet harmony, cool springs, and gentle breezes. There are also songs of tempests, sacrifice, and deep shamanic wisdom etched in blood. This is who we are.

My Book of Shadows is being dusted off and I'm going to read through it in great detail for as long as it takes me. After that, I'm keeping what I feel to be truthful to me and I'm casting aside the New Age fodder. There have been times in the past where people would ask me to teach them, but I would never seriously consider it. If I can re-organise my book and reclaim a heritage I've had to piece together myself, I may actually take on a student someday. The student would have to strip away any New Age preconceptions and be prepared to do what any true student of the occult does: learn from and teach herself.

The best thing to always bear in mind: Follow your heart, listen to your mind, and always pay attention to what the world is saying to you.