Krimmus Shindig mit dee Evanses

After fighting the thundering herds at Ingles to get a couple of drinks and some cookies, I sped back home to get Aunt Tudi and our pressies for the Evans Krimmus Eve Brouhaha. We followed Uncle Michael and Janice to Little Michael's house out in the sticks of Campobello.

Little Michael has a beautiful home, which he built himself with the help of some of his cousins. The floors are glistening hardwood and the décor is very tasteful and ranch-like. We all piled into the house and spread out the goodies while Little Michael positioned all the pressies under the humendo-tree.

Mandy and her boyfriend had to leave within 30 minutes so we did the gift exchange with them and, after they left, we dug into the goodies. We retired to the living room, all bloated like blood-sucking ticks, and began the gigantic gift exchange. All in all, it was an incredibly pleasant experience except for Colby behaving like a chimp on crack. If he were my kid, he wouldn't behave like that or, if he did, I'd make sure Santa passed him over for Christmas. Little shithead..... He gave me a freakin' headache and made me want to squeeze his scrawny little neck til his head popped off. I mentioned several times that he was going to grow up and become incarcerated shortly thereafter. Janice argued that he was a good boy whereupon Colby would act up again and prove her wrong.

After the gift exchange, I went out with Little Michael to meet the horses. They're magnificent creatures, utterly magnificent! He invited me to come back after the first of the year to ride. I may take him up on it. I'd love to learn more about horses and establish an affinity with them.

Oh, and I talked to Jenni, who is a veterinarian. I told her what my plans were and she was quite enthusiastic about it. So...who knows? Maybe in the next few years we'll have two vets in the family! I'm thinking that we might could start up our own practice then, or maybe I could inherit Dr. Patch's practice after he retires and bring Jenni into the WSCAH fold. So many possibilities....

We left later than we'd planned and followed Johnna back to the main roads where she and the kids went their way and Aunt Tudi and I went ours. We drove through downtown Spartanburg to get a glimpse of their decorations. We'd seen them during the day and surmised they were probably beautiful all lit up. We were right. We then came home, pampered the beasties, and went to bed.

All in all, a dandy day.....except for the rancid little creep Colby.

I've created a sub-album for our Christmas pics for anyone keen on seeing all of them. Here's a sampling of what an Evans brouhaha is all about. It's all good, peoples. All good!

( Evans Krimmus Shindig )

Passed Out

I had one of those narcolepsy fits and asked Aunt Tudi to shout for me in 15 minutes if I wasn't up by then. She said she would, so I lay down on the couch and instantly fell asleep. One hour and fifteen minutes later, I woke up to find Aunt Tudi and all the animals passed out flat. So now I'm watching A Christmas Story on TBS and fighting going back to sleep.

This has been one the absolute best Krimmuses EVAR.

Angel

I want to talk about Angel, this little girl here in the picture.

( angel )

I can't remember how old Angel is. Maybe five? I'm horrible with birthdays, especially if they're kids' birthdays, because I'm a mean old woman. Anyway, before she was born, her mother Johnna had already decided on the child's name and she was preparing for difficult times ahead. Before Angel was born, the doctors discovered that she has a rare kidney disease. It's not cancer, but there are large cysts all over her kidneys and one kidney has ceased working as a result. Eventually Angel will have to go on dialysis and hope to receive a kidney transplant later on in her young life. The docs seem to think she'll do okay up until her teenage years.

So yeah. She's not the healthiest little critter in the world.

Johnna had always wanted a little girl and she wanted one even more after giving birth to two boys (Blake and Colby), one of which is a spawn from hell. Someday, I'll have my chance to check his scalp for the 666 hiding under all that hair of his. There was joy and heartbreak all at the same time when she was informed that she carried a girl child with a severe kidney disorder.

Now, Johnna and I have always been the sisters to each other that we wouldn't have otherwise. She has a brother (Little Michael) and I am an only child. So we were drawn to each other and often forgot we were nothing but first cousins. We had fun, pondered profound matters, crushed on rockstars, made bad taffy, and fought viciously, just like sisters. She and Little Michael are my only cousins and I'm their only cousin on their father's side, so we were all quite close. But it was totally Johnna and me. Whatever we could do, we did together. Hell, my cat got her cat pregnant once, and we helped each other take care of the kittens!

So, when Johnna decided on a name, she announced that she was going to name the child after me. Angel's full name is Courtney Angelina, but everyone calls her Angel. And she lives up to her name. She is a little angel. When she was first born, I called her Alf, short for Alfred Hitchcock. With her bald head, that upturned nose and those chubby cheeks, Angel's profile looked just like Alfred Hitchcock's.

I was totally honoured that Johnna took my middle name for Angel's middle name. It's probably the sweetest thing Johnna has ever done for me. And the older Angel gets, the sweeter and smarter she is. So I'm proud to share a name with her.

My favourite Christmas

We'd been in SC for two years in June 1983. The unbearable homesickness was starting to wane ever-so-slowly and I was happy to be around other kids, especially Johnna, with whom I could relate and they could relate to me. It was Christmas Eve 1983 and the family had yet to gather. In those earlier years, each year Uncle Michael and Janice, along with Granny would set up a booth at a giant craft show that was held in either late November or mid-December. This year, the show's last day (it usually lasted 3 days) fell upon Christmas Eve.

Aunt Tudi stayed with Johnna, Little Michael, and me at our house. We played games, ate chocolate-covered cherries, and generally enjoyed ourselves. I'd never had a real sense of family before this because the fam in Asheville was so huge and was split in two camps: the adults and the young children. I was neither during those pre-SC years because I was pre-teening. I couldn't handle being around the kids and the adults wouldn't allow me in their fold, so I usually just stayed to myself and listened to the radio, hoping to catch Wings' "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime." So this togetherness thing was quite good for me.

Now Aunt Tudi has always been a soft touch when it came to kids and Christmas. It didn't take us any time to persuade her to let us open just one gift a piece. Little Michael opened his and it was, if memory serves, a big bundle of matchbox cars. Johnna, who has never had enough chocolate-covered cherries, opted to open her box of cherries and continue her confection orgy. I opened the gift that looked like records.

Within the wrapping I found Seven and the Ragged Tiger by Duran Duran, Upstairs at Eric's by Yazoo, and two or three other albums I can't remember now. On went my headphones and I was instantly in heaven. While Johnna and Michael enjoyed their early presents, I gazed at them and Aunt Tudi and realised that, for the first time since moving to South Carolina, I was genuinely happy. "Only You" by Yazoo became the soundtrack for that night and, to this day, I always think of Yazoo at Christmas and, when I hear "Only You," I'm carried back to Christmas 1983.

If every Christmas felt like that one, I probably wouldn't be the Grinch I am today.

Happy Christmas from Barry Andrews

"This is our mission to be the Daleks of God"