"Don't make me break my foot off in yo ass!"

That was the catchphrase of the main character in Mad TV's fake sitcom My White Momma. I haven't been awake for very long, and no one has pissed me off or triggered my Inner Sith, but I am still eager for a reason to say it. And then, just the literal thought behind the threat....fucking hilarious. HI-LAIR-EE-USSSS. And a tad uncomfy if you're on the receiving end. Heh.

Today we're paying bills. I'm online earlier than normal so I can take care of one of these bills via the Blessed Holy Intarwebs! Soon soon, I shall be rolling in dough (after penalties, tax, and regular whippings in the yard) and can say for the first time in almost twenty years: "Yea, I am debt free, peoples of the Earth! Debt free and, therefore, truly free! No longer am I a corporate slave! No longer must I answer to The Man! I am freeeeeeee!" And then the soldiers will come get me and transport my sorry liberal ass to Gitmo for to be poked at with hot sticks and generally abused.

Soon I shall be laptop shopping. I need something that will allow me access to the Intarwebs in a wireless capacity. I also need lots of power, space, and whatnot because this is the computer I'll be using for school. So, any suggestions would be most appreciated yo. Once I'm in possession of the new laptop, the one from which I am currently transmitting will go on to Aunt Tudi. I think I'll be setting her up a Live Journal account now so it'll be ready for her when she officially gets online. That way, she'll already have a welcoming party. ;) Yep, that's what' I'm gonna do.

Once Aunt Tudi is set up on LJ, I'll make an announcement here. Then you all must go add her. That's an order!

A to Z Meme Thing

A - Accent: muted Southern
B - Breakfast Item: Yoghurt at the mo
C - Chore you hate: Anything domestic.
D - Dad's Name: Everette
E - Essential everyday item: My computer
F - Flavour ice cream: Wavy Gravy
G - Gold or Silver?: Silver
H - Hometown: Asheville, North Carolina
I - Insomnia: Yes
J - Job Title: I don't have one now.
K - Kids: Oh HELL NO.
L - Living arrangements: In a house with my crazy Aunt, 3 dogs, 3 cats, and host of felines out of doors.
M - Mum's birthplace: Spartanburg, South Carolina
N - Number of significant others you've had: 3
O - Overnight hospital stays: 3
P - Phobia: People and Heights
Q - Queer: Just a little odd
R - Religious Affiliation: Apocalyptic Pagan with severe agnostic issues.
S - Siblings: No
T - Time you wake up: First time around 5 or 6 to feed the hordes. Then again around 11 to 1, depending on my level of sloth.
U - Unnatural hair colours you've had: None.
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: Asparagus. It is not of this world.
W - Worst habit: The Intarweb
X - X-rays you've had: Chest, knees, back, teeth, head
Y - Yummy: peanut chicken
Z - Zodiac sign: Virgo

You just never know....

One of the stops I had to make today was to Nationwide to pay my car insurance. In January, Aunt Tudi always goes in so she can get the calendars she needs for the year. She went in. A few minutes later, she came back out with calendars in hand and tears in her eyes. It turns out that Mary Jo, the only lady with whom I've dealt during my entire time as a driver, had a heart attack and dropped dead in October. Since I pay in June and January, I had no way of knowing. Actually, I went to see Mary Jo in September to give her some duplicate bird books I had because she, too, was an avid bird watcher. I told her happy Hallowe'en, Happy Thanksgiving, and Merry Christmas and promised to see her in the new year with my bi-annual "pound of flesh" about which I always joked with her.

So she's dead. Boom! Just like that. My heart hurts for her family and I'm just really sad I didn't get to tell her goodbye.

aunt_tudi

I've set her up. Add her if you so desire!