Smidgen's Death

It has been a few days since Smidgen passed, and I have yet to cry.  After spending several days nursing Smidgen, who took a severe and swift turn for the worse, I made the decision to take her back to Dr. Patch to have her euthanised.  She had stopped eating and using the litter pan.  All she did was sleep on me and get up maybe once or twice a day, go paddle in the water a little - but not drink any - and cry.  Her back parts barely supported her.  

 

She passed peacefully.  Her eyes turned black afterward, but she still had that angel face.  After days, she finally voided her bladder in death.  It was a huge amount of urine.

 

I gave everything that belonged to Smidgen, to Cameron and Cindy.  I’m going to scatter Smidgen’s ashes on the hill where she was born, and I’ve save one of her claw sheaths to keep in my Pentagram locket.

 

I’m numb.  Really, the only thing that has been on my mind for days is how I wish Toby would pass now, so I could just go away, too.  Death doesn’t suck.  Living afterwards is what is so horrific.