The State of Tinhuviel
Apr. 10th, 2010 09:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tinhuvielI'm going to write this in sections in the hope that I can remember all that's been going on and be able to express it in a coherent and cohesive manner. So here goes...
Health
I finally got a definitive diagnosis for my seizure problem. When Dr. Pilch filled out my disability paperwork for my student loans, he wrote that I have "partial epilepsy with impairment of consciousness, with intractable epilepsy." Given that I'm already dealing with a hefty bout of depression, this really did nothing for my attempts at a bright and sunny outlook on life. Seems I'm my own fault line ~ whee! When I did some research on epilepsy, I noticed that there seems to be an exorbitant amount of writers who suffer from epilepsy. This is the only positive thing I can see regarding my condition, that I'm in very good literary company and it appears that epilepsy seems to be an indication or side-effect of writing. Maybe someday my name will be amongst those in the author section of the epilepsy websites. The doc has me on Lamictal, an anti-seizure medication. I've had no more episodes since 17 February.
As I mentioned, I'm dealing with some pretty crippling depression. This is the main reason why I haven't been tending to my journal like I perhaps should. I just haven't had the motivation to do much of anything, even write. The therapist I'm seeing has me on Cymbalta and Seroquel for the depression and Ativan for the accompanying anxiety I've been enjoying, particularly in the middle of the night. The Seroquel is to try to help me sleep. It worked at first, but now I'm back to a sporadic sleep schedule. Also, Seroquel makes me clench my jaw like a pit bull and it gives me restless legs. There have been some nights where I can't sleep because of RLS so, essentially, the medication I'm taking to help me sleep is keeping me awake instead. One thing I do like is that, when I do get to sleep, I achieve REM and am remembering some of my dreams. It seems like it's been years since I've been able to dream. I see the therapist on Wednesday and will need to discuss my issues with the Seroquel. It's still too soon to make a call on the Cymbalta, but I'm writing now, so maybe it's beginning to take some effect.
Writing
I've wanted to write, but haven't been able to do much in this area. See above as to the reason why. Since working on The Blood Crown didn't seem to be an option at the time, I've been trying to busy myself with writing-related tasks, such as getting permission for usage of Shriek lyrics from Barry Andrews and Carl Marsh. As friends here already know, I got those permissions and have them ready to send to Sophie if/when the time comes that she wants/needs them. Sophie has told me that she's hoping to have an answer regarding the publishing of The Chalice by mid-May. She also gave me the go-ahead to poke at her about a decision by then because she has so much going on right now. I'm not going to force the issue, though. If I haven't heard from her by the first week of June, I'll write her then, but she has a great deal on her plate and I don't want to give the impression of being a pushy, impatient ass.
If Fey does decide to publish The Chalice, I'm going to ask Sophie about the possibility of making it available not only in traditional book form, but also electronically for Kindle and iPad. The electronic version could have all the accompanying art work and maybe an appendix or two not available in trad-book format. Such a thing might make Fey some extra money as there are tons of people out there who love bonus material and will pay to get their hands on such stuff. I'm one of them, having bought more than one version of a thing just to get my hands on goodies not otherwise available. I'm not even sure this is doable, but it'd be cool if it were ~ not just for me, but for Sophie and Fey Publishing as well. It'd definitely make the publisher and the book more accessible to many more people.
I'm still in the process of writing the Apostate's biography via one of Orphaeus' Blood-induced memories. His story is finally beginning to take a certain shape in my mind, so the writing explosion should detonate any day now...or at least I hope that's the case. In the meantime, Cadmus whispered another insight of his into my psychic ear the other day: "Emotions are the architectural blueprints for an imperfect biological structure." Of course, this will end up in either The Blood Crown or The Augury of Gideon. I've had several-page scenes come into being around a core quote from Cadmus Pariah. It will be interesting how this latest revelation influences the ebb and flow of the story and the future development of the character himself.
Projects
Shriekback is planning on releasing a new album this coming Autumn. To herald the newborn tuneage, Barry has taken the "shriekback.com" domain with Derk's blessing and is working on relaunching the site with a whole new look closer to time of the album's release. Right now, it's my understanding that the new site will contain all the information and resources first made available on the Shriekback Digital Conspiracy. In addition, it will also include my barryandrews.net resources and have a very nice interactive section for fans to connect. Right now, the official Shriek resource (other than what archived sections of SDC still exist) is on Facebook. After a bit of a snafu with trying to transfer all the visuals in my possession to the gentleman running the Facebook page, Barry decided to cut out the middle man (himself) and get Allan and me in contact with one another. I'm now in the process if sending Allan everything I have where it will eventually find a home on Facebook and on the new site.
Before I send it to him, I need to update the Shriek biog I wrote. I can't believe it's over ten years old now and has required three updates to date as a result of being a tad aged and the Shrieks becoming active again (thank the Mighties!). I'm also going to compare the magazine files I have with my periodical collection and send Allan the transcriptions of whatever articles have not yet been published by shriek.com, if there are indeed any in my possession. Once everything I have is transferred to Allan, I'm gonna start pestering James about anything he may have to share with Allan. It's my goal to compile everything so that any Shriek fan will have no doubt where s/he can go for up-to-the-minute information on one of the best bands on Earth.
Tomorrow (11 April) is supposedly the end of The Joker Blogs. Other than having to go to the flea market to sell, my day should be busy with helping moderate the message boards and see the Blogs through to the end of the series. I don't know if the Big Reveal will occur during the final episode or not, but I'm hoping so. When that happens, the message boards will probably explode, especially the fully-moderated actor's section. It'll be interesting what folks have to say once they know who he is. After this happens, my work there will be done.
I still have a fic to write with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
gunslingaaahhh for acook. The Femme Joker story plagues me because I've yet to complete it. This is one of the many reasons I hate depression; it puts a hold on promises I've made. I'm hellbent on writing this story, though, and I'll have the bloody thing done come hell or high water. Once it's finished, I'll be sending it on to acook with an apology for horrific tardiness. I've two unfinished pictures to work on too. One of gunslingaaahhh's Everett and the other of paisleydaze's Claire. No, I have not forgotten. I've just been paralysed by freaking depression. They will get apologies too.
Various and Sundry, Whatnot, Bits and Bobs, This, That, and the Other, Hoo-ha, Meanderings, Murmurings, and Mumblings
Okay, I've been working on this off and on for a goodly part of the day. I think I'm all written out. ::collapses::
Health
I finally got a definitive diagnosis for my seizure problem. When Dr. Pilch filled out my disability paperwork for my student loans, he wrote that I have "partial epilepsy with impairment of consciousness, with intractable epilepsy." Given that I'm already dealing with a hefty bout of depression, this really did nothing for my attempts at a bright and sunny outlook on life. Seems I'm my own fault line ~ whee! When I did some research on epilepsy, I noticed that there seems to be an exorbitant amount of writers who suffer from epilepsy. This is the only positive thing I can see regarding my condition, that I'm in very good literary company and it appears that epilepsy seems to be an indication or side-effect of writing. Maybe someday my name will be amongst those in the author section of the epilepsy websites. The doc has me on Lamictal, an anti-seizure medication. I've had no more episodes since 17 February.
As I mentioned, I'm dealing with some pretty crippling depression. This is the main reason why I haven't been tending to my journal like I perhaps should. I just haven't had the motivation to do much of anything, even write. The therapist I'm seeing has me on Cymbalta and Seroquel for the depression and Ativan for the accompanying anxiety I've been enjoying, particularly in the middle of the night. The Seroquel is to try to help me sleep. It worked at first, but now I'm back to a sporadic sleep schedule. Also, Seroquel makes me clench my jaw like a pit bull and it gives me restless legs. There have been some nights where I can't sleep because of RLS so, essentially, the medication I'm taking to help me sleep is keeping me awake instead. One thing I do like is that, when I do get to sleep, I achieve REM and am remembering some of my dreams. It seems like it's been years since I've been able to dream. I see the therapist on Wednesday and will need to discuss my issues with the Seroquel. It's still too soon to make a call on the Cymbalta, but I'm writing now, so maybe it's beginning to take some effect.
Writing
I've wanted to write, but haven't been able to do much in this area. See above as to the reason why. Since working on The Blood Crown didn't seem to be an option at the time, I've been trying to busy myself with writing-related tasks, such as getting permission for usage of Shriek lyrics from Barry Andrews and Carl Marsh. As friends here already know, I got those permissions and have them ready to send to Sophie if/when the time comes that she wants/needs them. Sophie has told me that she's hoping to have an answer regarding the publishing of The Chalice by mid-May. She also gave me the go-ahead to poke at her about a decision by then because she has so much going on right now. I'm not going to force the issue, though. If I haven't heard from her by the first week of June, I'll write her then, but she has a great deal on her plate and I don't want to give the impression of being a pushy, impatient ass.
If Fey does decide to publish The Chalice, I'm going to ask Sophie about the possibility of making it available not only in traditional book form, but also electronically for Kindle and iPad. The electronic version could have all the accompanying art work and maybe an appendix or two not available in trad-book format. Such a thing might make Fey some extra money as there are tons of people out there who love bonus material and will pay to get their hands on such stuff. I'm one of them, having bought more than one version of a thing just to get my hands on goodies not otherwise available. I'm not even sure this is doable, but it'd be cool if it were ~ not just for me, but for Sophie and Fey Publishing as well. It'd definitely make the publisher and the book more accessible to many more people.
I'm still in the process of writing the Apostate's biography via one of Orphaeus' Blood-induced memories. His story is finally beginning to take a certain shape in my mind, so the writing explosion should detonate any day now...or at least I hope that's the case. In the meantime, Cadmus whispered another insight of his into my psychic ear the other day: "Emotions are the architectural blueprints for an imperfect biological structure." Of course, this will end up in either The Blood Crown or The Augury of Gideon. I've had several-page scenes come into being around a core quote from Cadmus Pariah. It will be interesting how this latest revelation influences the ebb and flow of the story and the future development of the character himself.
Projects
Shriekback is planning on releasing a new album this coming Autumn. To herald the newborn tuneage, Barry has taken the "shriekback.com" domain with Derk's blessing and is working on relaunching the site with a whole new look closer to time of the album's release. Right now, it's my understanding that the new site will contain all the information and resources first made available on the Shriekback Digital Conspiracy. In addition, it will also include my barryandrews.net resources and have a very nice interactive section for fans to connect. Right now, the official Shriek resource (other than what archived sections of SDC still exist) is on Facebook. After a bit of a snafu with trying to transfer all the visuals in my possession to the gentleman running the Facebook page, Barry decided to cut out the middle man (himself) and get Allan and me in contact with one another. I'm now in the process if sending Allan everything I have where it will eventually find a home on Facebook and on the new site.
Before I send it to him, I need to update the Shriek biog I wrote. I can't believe it's over ten years old now and has required three updates to date as a result of being a tad aged and the Shrieks becoming active again (thank the Mighties!). I'm also going to compare the magazine files I have with my periodical collection and send Allan the transcriptions of whatever articles have not yet been published by shriek.com, if there are indeed any in my possession. Once everything I have is transferred to Allan, I'm gonna start pestering James about anything he may have to share with Allan. It's my goal to compile everything so that any Shriek fan will have no doubt where s/he can go for up-to-the-minute information on one of the best bands on Earth.
Tomorrow (11 April) is supposedly the end of The Joker Blogs. Other than having to go to the flea market to sell, my day should be busy with helping moderate the message boards and see the Blogs through to the end of the series. I don't know if the Big Reveal will occur during the final episode or not, but I'm hoping so. When that happens, the message boards will probably explode, especially the fully-moderated actor's section. It'll be interesting what folks have to say once they know who he is. After this happens, my work there will be done.
I still have a fic to write with
gunslingaaahhh for acook. The Femme Joker story plagues me because I've yet to complete it. This is one of the many reasons I hate depression; it puts a hold on promises I've made. I'm hellbent on writing this story, though, and I'll have the bloody thing done come hell or high water. Once it's finished, I'll be sending it on to acook with an apology for horrific tardiness. I've two unfinished pictures to work on too. One of gunslingaaahhh's Everett and the other of paisleydaze's Claire. No, I have not forgotten. I've just been paralysed by freaking depression. They will get apologies too.Various and Sundry, Whatnot, Bits and Bobs, This, That, and the Other, Hoo-ha, Meanderings, Murmurings, and Mumblings
- For about two months now I've had this godawful craving for bananas and peanut butter. It's what I've had for breakfast and at least one snack almost every single day since early February. This has been difficult on Aunt Tudi, who finds herself battling high potassium levels, despite her diet choices to avoid elevating her potassium. I am convinced that she's suffering from a contact high due to our close proximity. It only adds insult to injury that bananas give me gas that's on Homeland Security's list of weapons of mass destruction. If Dubya were still in Washington, I'd already be in Gitmo tooting my horn and gnawing on as many bananas as the authorities would provide.
- I was in the grocery store the other day (I was there to get more bananas) and caught myself singing along to the song on their muzak station. When it occurred to me what song it was I was singing and where I was singing it, I was understandably horrified: "Friday I'm in Love" by the Cure! Who knew that, someday, you'd be hearing Robert Smith doing his happy song on a satellite AOR station? There's something fundamentally wrong with that scenario, but it's even worse that I was subconsciously supporting such an atrocity by my musical participation in this crime against nature. Shamed beyond belief, I threw my money at the cashier, screamed "save me Jesus!" and ran out of the grocery like my ass had been ignited by Agent Orange. I'm not sure I can go back to that grocery store, my scars run that deep.
- Toby has now been a part of the family for a year. I'm shocked that we've all survived the past twelve months 'cos I've been tempted on more than 1...million...occasion(s) to grab this dog by the goozle and shake him to and fro until he lay dead on the floor. The dog is irritating, stubborn, ugly, a bit of a bully, and generally unpleasant...and I love him to death. He's become like my right hand man, mainly because he's always attached to me wherever I go and whatever I do. He's on me like a freckle. Over time, I've found myself talking to Toby like one might another person, just carrying on a normal conversation. I'm certain the dog understands me. There's a pink flapper dress at Wal-Mart that I want to get for him. I think it'd be just hilarious to have a cross-dressing Chihuahua on long sticks (his legs). I never thought I'd be so attached to a Chihuahua mix of all breeds, but there he is ~ my ugly buddy.
- Smidgen is now over ten pounds of solid feline muscle and fat. I knew it was a mistake to name her Smidgen when I did it, but I couldn't help it, she was so teentsy and sweet. But yellow cats are notorious for being gigantic. Now I have a cat named Smidgen who hurts me if she stands on me for too long and, when she lay on my chest at night, I feel like an incubus is crushing the life force out of me. She's been extremely clingy ever since Shmoop disappeared, so I can't deny Smidgen her quality time. We're all still grieving over the loss of our little idiot savant.
- One of the dreams I remember having was my being interviewed for an online magazine. Why? I have no idea. But I do remember talking about how important LJ was to me and how close I felt to so many people on the blogging site. I consider this a sign that I needed to get my butt over here. Maybe once this bout with depression is overcome, I'll be able to write more consistently here. I miss my Cliffs, but I just can't seem to get back into the groove of things. It's kinda distressing since this is pretty much my only outlet to vent the ole spleen.
Okay, I've been working on this off and on for a goodly part of the day. I think I'm all written out. ::collapses::
