Am I losing him?

[tinhuviel]

I just got off the phone with Lew.

Things have been going badly for him ~ very badly. And this argument with Aunt Tudi seemed to compound the problems. He's sorrowful and unsure. But he's sure of one thing:

that he cannot be around Aunt Tudi right now. And that means that we cannot be together until he resolves the conflict in his heart and mind when it comes to my unfortunate and special situation.

Am I losing him?

I feel that I am. I cannot let him suffer the pain I am so used to when it comes to Aunt Tudi. I'd tried so hard to forge a strong basis for them to learn one another without conflict. But there's always conflict when it comes to Aunt Tudi.

I'm trying so hard to get her help, but it may be too late for Lew and me. We can't be together without a cloud of fear over our heads. And his rash of tragedies makes for an even worse situation.

I don't know what to do.

I have told him that, if it means his happiness in the future, I will release him, forcefully if need be. At first he said this wouldn't even be an option, that nothing could come between us.

Now he's not so sure.

I wish he could realise how much I do love him and that it's a miracle that I love at all, given my past. I would do anything I could for him, but I don't think he wants me to anymore.

One argument.....one fucking argument ~ and everything disintegrates.