Fucking Titanic

[tinhuviel]

I just heard the strains of the Titanic score on TV and my heart welled up in my throat. Needless to say, this pissed me right the hell off.

Picture it:
It was 1998. I was still in the throes of severe heartbreak. No. It wasn't heartbreak, it was heartshatter. And this movie had come out from one of my favourite directors, James Cameron. Aunt Tudi wanted to see it for dramatic reasons and the whole splendour of the movie. I wanted to see it because of the killer special effects and, when I'm down, I like to see large numbers of humans perish. It's a thing with me. Besides, I desperately needed a diversion from my current state of mind.

So off we went to see Titanic in the late afternoon. It was a pretty Spring day. The sun was up. It's important that I stress that the sun was up.

The movie began and Aunt Tudi and I were swept away by the story. I was particularly swept away by the music. James Horner floats my boat, fries my onions, twists my Twizzlers, and other sundry actions that ought not be mentioned. I forgot my woes and enjoyed the movie...until the last hour. When I saw the old couple on the bed and especially the young Irish woman trying to comfort her little girl, accompanied with the heart-rending Celtic-themed score, I fucking lost it. LOST...IT...

Now, I hate to cry when watching a movie or a TV show. It makes me feel weak and worthy of a swift beheading. I had to choke back tears last night watching Battlestar Galactica which, by the by, featured Uilleann Pipes during the more poignant moments. During Titanic, I lost all control. I boo-hooed like Ren Hoek. I was tilting back my head and squalling like a piece of shit girly girl. The emotion and the music was all too much for me. I had a complete cinematic break down. I hated the movie for doing that to me and I hated myself for allowing such hijacking of my emotions. My only saving grace was that I could wear my sunglasses on the way out so Aunt Tudi nor anyone else would know that I'd cried so hard, I was snubbing and hiccuping.

I was wrong. Absolutely fucking wrong. See, I didn't stop to think that Titanic was 5 hours long and that, when we exited the theatre, the sun would be down. There I was doing my bad Cory Hart impression and everyone knew why: I was trying to hide the fact that I was a complete ninny. So I left the Hollywood 20 more miserable than when I arrived and I've hated Titanic ever since.

I will break my boycott of the film if I tune in right around the time the boat goes vertical 'cos I just love getting to see Propeller Man. He's the epitome of bad luck. I mean, it's bad enough that you're on a sinking ship and you're falling into the freezing water, but to smack right into a gigantic propeller on the way down is really over the top. Not only do I laugh at Propeller Man's plight, I also empathise with him. Shit like that would happen to me.

Comments

[purple-leatherc.livejournal.com]

I read the scriptbook (I had refused to see the movie because an evil ex was singing its praises. I also hate Celine Dion). If that made me bawl, the movie was gonna do much worse. So I've never actually seen it.

Though Kate Winslet's boobs might be worth the watch :)

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

She's very pretty in the film, I have to admit. Prettier than Leo.

[polypolyglot.livejournal.com]

Been told by friends in the industry that Leo is quite the jerk in person.

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

That really doesn't surprise me.

Movie Moments

[adriang.livejournal.com]

I have my moments in such movies, too, although in my case, they only tear me up, just a bit. I think there was a teary moment for me in Titanic, but the one that really gets me is when Julie Andrews sings "Something Good" in "The Sound of Music."

If I can admit to being caught up in such moments, without shame, then surely you can. 8-)

Adrian

Re: Movie Moments

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Well, I can....but I won't...except for here. :)

[stacye13.livejournal.com]

Dude, I cry over movies, TV shows, books, commercials, etc. I'm a total loser in that aspect.

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

I refuse to give in. Refuse, I tell you!

[stacye13.livejournal.com]

I think I can top crying over Titanic, if it'll make you feel better...I cry every time I see Armageddon. Yeah, the movie w/Ben Affleck.
Feel better now?

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

I can understand that, yeah. I cried too, but only because the Alpaca Lips didn't happen.

[stacye13.livejournal.com]

lmao! I was rooting for Ben Affleck to bite it though, instead of Bruce Willis ;)

[m0usegrrl.livejournal.com]

dude. fucking Gone With The Wind. reduces me to a fucking simpering puddle of muck every damn time. AND I'M NOT EVEN BLOODY WELL FROM THE SOUTH DAMMIT.

"As God is my witness, I'll ne-" BAAAWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLL::sniffle::

jeebus fuck, i'm tearing up just even thinking about it.

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Funny, but I just saw that scene on this show that's exponentially pissing me off. It's your Inner Southern Belle. Every woman has one.

[insanity-speaks.livejournal.com]

I haven't cried at a movie since Devil's Rejects. That movie was just so beautiful I had to cry.

I never saw Titanic. I refused to sit for 3 hours and deal with Leonardo Dicrapio and an ending that I knew would happen. Although, every time I ever caught it on HBO I would turn it on at the exact second Leonardo died. It brought tears of joy to my eyes and then I turned it off immediately.

Can you tell me why he felt compelled to say yes to Man in the Iron Mask? That movie was complete shit. In fact, the only movie I really like of his is What's Eating Gilbert Grape, and if you don't cry during that movie...you just aren't fucking human.

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

And that's why I won't watch Gilbert Grape. When I saw Edward Scissorhands, I was so scarred that I couldn't look at Johnny Depp for about two years. I don't need another sad movie wherein he dwells.

And Devil's Rejects....dude....you need to write that in a review when it's available on Amazon.com. Rob Zombie would love you.

[insanity-speaks.livejournal.com]

I need to try to set up an interview with Rob. That was truly the greatest movie I have seen all year. I cried like a 5 year old in Kmart at the end of that.

Oh, would you ever wear a Star Wars Darth Dew promo shirt from 7-11?

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Sith + 7-11 = Happy Tin.

I'd be someone's prison bitch for a Slurpee right now.

[insanity-speaks.livejournal.com]

The shirt size is an XL and it's brand new. If you are interested, email me your address and I will snail mail it out to you. My way of saying thank you for the DMB banner. :)

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

You're so sweet! Thank you!

But I can't find your email addy...anywhere! :(

[insanity-speaks.livejournal.com]

deadclownsundae at gmail dot com

[bloominglotus.livejournal.com]

Titanic will do that to you if you're not careful. I managed to get almost all the way through the movie - almost there! - and the friggin' ending (when Rose goes back on the boat and gets reunited with Jack) reduced me to a puddle of tears and mush. So close...

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Shit.
I'd forgotten about that.

::puts on her sunglasses::

[teague.livejournal.com]

You want to know the scene that gets me eeevery time. The scene in the movie Dumbo, where his Mommy is chained up and in the cage, and she's rocking him with her trunk.

*sniffoo*

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

I saw that movie when I was 4 years old and that scene is still near the top of my list of most unpleasant experiences.

[brujah.livejournal.com]

During the sinking scene, I was with watcher1, capt_kev and a few others who don't have LJs. We were quietly conferring with each other on what we'd be paddling the fuck away on/in as the rest of the fuckwits fought for boats.

I opted for a bathtub or some other such nonsense.

But, the usher had to get on to us during the propeller scene because of me.

We'd spent the night before, together at watcher1's house, crowded around a television watching some HBO stand-up comedy routine. I can't recall who the guy was, only that he was fucking hilarious.

He did a bit about women falling down in movies and how falling down stairs seems to take like twenty minutes. "*thump thump* Oh my neck *thump crash* OH MY LEG!! *thump thump thump* MY SHOE!"

Flash back to the theater: Dude hits the propeller and my voice caries in the strained silence of the room: "My SHOE!"

Yeah. It was an area effect thing, you just had to be there.

The movie that makes me cry like a fucking ninny is Steel Magnolias. Every single time.

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

You make me laugh when I don't even want to, you know that?

As for Steel Magnolias, ::dons teeny little hat a la Damon Wayans:: HATED IT.

[brujah.livejournal.com]

I loved every second of it, but mostly, I love the bickering between Shirley MacLaine and Olympia Dukakis.

Loved it.

Except that whole making me cry like a fucking girl thing with the cemetery scene.

[dferguson.livejournal.com]

I remmember Eddie Murphy did a routine about a fat aunt of his who was always falling downstairs and it took her a half hour to get to the bottom and he ended the routine with her shouting, "MY SHOE!" So yeah, I can imagine Propellor Man saying that and I'm shaking with laughing even as I type this. Helps that I just saw "Titanic" a couple of days ago.

And I'm with you on "Steel Magnolias" That scene with Sally Field in the graveyeard leaves me blubbering like a big ol' baby every time I see it and I've seen "Steel Magnolias" something like seven or eight times now.

[brujah.livejournal.com]

My favorite line from the movie: "You're evil and must be destroyed."

[pamelonian.livejournal.com]

I was on a bus traveling across Spain. The bus was equipped with TV and VCR, so the driver popped in Bridges of Madison County. This has all the makings of a movie I will hate: Clint Eastwood, romance, romance WITH Clint Eastwood. I was bawling like a baby in broad daylight. Even with sunglasses, everyone on that bus who was awake had to have known... Stories of lost love will do that. I hadn't felt so manipulated since I sobbed through ET in the theater. I still won't watch that movie, either!

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen Bridges of Madison County and probably never would have, but I definitely won't now. Now watchy tear-inducing movie! ::pets you:: Sorry you had to go through that.

[melancthe.livejournal.com]

"Horner floats my boat, fries my onions, twists my Twizzlers, and other sundry actions that ought not be mentioned."

Not only do I worship his scores (Glory, anyone?), but I have this embarrassing and generally unmentionable crush on the man. I think I am the only person out there to have used the phrase "erotic James Horner fetish". ;)

*uses Horner icon, then slinks off in shame*

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

I'm all over that, honey. We're such wenches.

[durgablue.livejournal.com]

Unless the movie is complete and utter shite, I guaran-damn-tee that I will either
A) be laughing the hardest

B) crying like it's really happening.

(depending on what's apropos)

I remember sneaking off to the bathroom after seeing "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" to hide my sniffling tears, only to be totally busted by some old lady who told me that the movie wasn't that good!

gawd!

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Crying is bad, but being busted crying is even worse. I'm with you, chica.

[zaecus.livejournal.com]

Surest way to give me a deep-seated psychological aversion to the product you are trying to sell me?

Write a commercial that has me in tears.

Fucking commercials.

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah. I hate them.

[falkenna.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm so there. Barclays Bank and Coca Cola. It's the cheap manipulation of it.

On the other hand, movies, TV shows, and the news -- I'm blubbering away.

Gone with the Wind - yeah y'all, I have that inner Southern Belle. But the one that always has me crying buckets (I used it as a Litmus test once to see if my antidepressants were zombifying me) is Roxanne's line at the end of Cyrano de Bergerac (unaccountably left out of Depardieu's French version, but I also always think about it at the end of Starman): "I have only ever loved one man, but I have lost him twice."

[falkenna.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm so there. Barclays Bank and Coca Cola. It's the cheap manipulation of it.

On the other hand, movies, TV shows, and the news -- I'm blubbering away.

Gone with the Wind - yeah y'all, I have that inner Southern Belle. But the one that always has me crying buckets (I used it as a Litmus test once to see if my antidepressants were zombifying me) is Roxanne's line at the end of Cyrano de Bergerac (unaccountably left out of Depardieu's French version, but I also always think about it at the end of Starman): "I have only ever loved one man, but I have lost him twice."