How I Spent My Live Journal Vacation

[tinhuviel]

This is a creative writing post for clauderainsrm's LJ Idol contest in which I somehow got involved.

HOW TIN SPENT HER LJ VACATION

My LJ vacation lasted two weeks. While I was on my LJ vacation, I was really busy and did a lot of cool things.

The first day was spent taking part in a federal drug sting. A group of feds and I kidnapped Sting and drugged him. Afterward, I shagged him silly and then, 16 hours later, I made him sing "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" a capella. It was a glorious thing. And all those Tantric claims? They're twoo! They're twoo! In fact, I had to spend the next day catching up on my rest from the previous many-houred escapade. It bothered me that I had to waste a day just lying around, but I really had no choice, considering what I had planned for day three.

Day three came and I headed out for my great adventure. Hopping on an airplane, I went to Las Vegas on a non-stop flight. While there, I became involved with Kyle McLachlan and got a cushy job as a showgirl. In the course of 4 days, I went from being a grunt on the chorus line to being the headlining dancer, after having pushed my only competition down a flight of stairs and breaking her leg in 14 places. I snorted a mound of coke the size of Silbury Hill and shook my little tush on the catwalk so hard, it measured 8.3 on the Richter scale further west in California. I would have hitchhiked back home, but I didn't want to waste my precious time with that. Besides, I had the strangest feeling that the only person who would have picked me up would have been some ugly redneck punk in a beat-up truck.

Instead, I decided to catch another plane, this time to Great Britain. At Gatwick, I was greeted by falkenna who drove me over to Swindon where we were both to audition for Vile Homunculus: The Musical. We both sang in front of Barry Andrews, Andy Partridge, and Martyn Barker. We each got a part in the musical. falkenna got to play Lola Belowla, the Polish Lady of the Evening, and I got to play Sister Ubiquita of Our Lady of the Fuzzy Knuckles. The next six days were spent in recording studios in Swindon and London. My part of the project completed, I flew back home and decided it wise to catch a few winks of sleep before returning to my regular daily LJ grind. I had not quite two days left, so I was going to make the most of it.

While I slept, I had prophetic dreams, foretelling the Alpaca Lips in great detail. After 37 hours of fitful, uninterrupted, psychic slumber, I awoke clutching Shmoop to my bosom and weeping with divine epiphany. It's all true! 2012 is the year of reckoning and I have the dreams to prove it! ....if only I could remember them....

So that's what I did on my LJ Vacation. I hope everyone had as good a time as I.

The End.

Comments

[moad-terran-hq.livejournal.com]

Sister Ubiquita of Our Lady of the Fuzzy Knuckles made me laugh hard enough to cause milk to come out my nose. I find that odd, since I was drinking beer at the time....

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Glad to be of service. Sister Ubiquita is one of my many "alter-egos," dating back to the late 80s. What a hard-ass she is.