The Father Unit

[tinhuviel]

Thank you to everyone who sent me their condolences. It means more than you can imagine.

I found the last picture I had made with Daddy.





It's difficult for me to fathom that he's gone. All that keeps running through my mind is the song he wrote back in the 70s, "Carolina Mountains." It was so pretty and he sang it beautifully.

There will be no service, per Daddy's will. He is to be immediately cremated and his ashes saved until Mary dies, at which time their ashes will be mingled. There will be no ritual of any kind during which I can properly say goodbye, so I'll have my own ritual here at home.

According to their next door neighbour, who called me earlier this evening, I am supposed to just lie low until Mary calls me. This dude talked down to me like he thought I was some sort of idiot and it kind of pissed me off. If I haven't heard from Mary about the arrangements by tomorrow afternoon, so at least I'll know when my father is being cremated, I'm going to call her despite what the neighbour said. He instructed me not to call her, but to wait for her to call me. I'm sorry, but I can only give 24 hours. I'm not going to risk having to talk to the neighbour again. It's not his place to be the messenger and I think I deserve a bit more than his patronising me as though I were a brainless intruder.

The Father Unit and I had a tumultuous relationship. It seemed sometimes that I was forever frozen in time to him as the 6 year old he lost when he and the Mother Unit divorced. He always wanted to go back in time and redo some of the things he did, or do some of the things he didn't and wanted to or should have. There was a bit of resentment on my part where he was concerned. It's there with the Mother Unit too. Despite Aunt Tudi always being there for me, I couldn't help but feel just a tad abandoned by both parents. They were too young to start a family and too immature to maintain one. It doesn't mean I don't love them, though. I'll always love them. Daddy was always on my case to forgive him for his past transgressions, and I had, but he couldn't let it go. I think it's because he could never completely forgive himself. All I hope is that he's found the peace on the other side that he wouldn't allow himself over here. We wasted far too many years on the past instead of trying to enjoy our present, much less think about our future.

I wish things had been different.

Comments

[anomali.livejournal.com]

God, I'm so sorry.

Take care of yourself and Tudi. I will be thinking about both of you.

[popfiend.livejournal.com]

*HUGS YOU UNTIL YOU PUSH ME AWAY*

[helenangel.livejournal.com]

It's not his place to be the messenger and I think I deserve a bit more than his patronising me as though I were a brainless intruder.

No joke. Mary may have been his wife, but you are his daughter.

I don't know what to say except that I'm sending lots of love to you and Aunt Tudi. I am so sorry for your loss. If you need anything, I'm here for you.

[bloominglotus.livejournal.com]

"Mary may have been his wife, but you are his daughter."
I don't understand who this neighbor thinks he is to interfere or tell you what to do. You're family.

[anita1967.livejournal.com]

im so, so sorry. The sudden death of a parent can be a real shock. Im here for you,or whenever you want to use some more of those movie passes, im your girl, kiddo

:meditates on your grief:

I don't know what to say,

[janalyson.livejournal.com]

But I will listen (or read) anything you want to tell about him. I cannot give him back to you and Tudi, but I can give you my attention, and my love.

[dissolvedgurl.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm just having a chance to read now. Sending you much & Aunt Tudi love at this time *hus and more hugs*

[ginamariewade.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, Tin.

[ex-albee437.livejournal.com]

I am here and if I can do anything at all to help you through I will.

[zitronenhai.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry. I send you love.

[quoth-the-maven.livejournal.com]

I feel so inadequate right now. *hugs*

[dferguson.livejournal.com]

My thought and prayers go out to you and Aunt Tudi.

[mizliz.livejournal.com]

Oh Tin, I am so very very sorry. I only just saw this, and I wish I had checked my LJ earlier. My dad is gone as well, thirteen years ago. All I can offer is to tell you that it will get better, truly, but it will be a slow process. I'm thinking about you and wishing you strength and healing. oxoxoxox

[podmeister.livejournal.com]

Don't let this neighbour push you around, you were his daughter, you are a part of him. Take care of yourself sweetness

[melancthe.livejournal.com]

*hugs you lots*

[dougals.livejournal.com]

My condolences on your loss, Tin.

[onyxblue1.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. I was just thinking about my dad this morning, and how hard it's been to lose him. Take it easy, and remember it does get better, eventually.

[moad-terran-hq.livejournal.com]

There will be no ritual of any kind during which I can properly say goodbye, so I'll have my own ritual here at home.

I think that is a very good idea. You probably need that sense of closure.

I don't know who the neighbor is, but who do they think they are?!? You were his daughter, and you had a relationship with him - you should be a part of things.

Once again, I am sorry for your loss.

[miintikwa.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I wish I could do something to help.

You are in my thoughts.

[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

My deepest sympathies.