The Solitary Witch

[tinhuviel]

So...with the passing of Aunt Tudi, I am alone. I don't hardly remember September except some of the highlights of the train ride and bonding with the Mother Unit like never before. She even let me in her and Matt's home to get to know Matt better and see her flock of birds. I had a lovely time with herd, but funds went low and I had to come back to the house early and not even go to Todd in Vancouver, Washington.

The rest of September was spent in solitude, lying on the love seat with the animals on me, watching 'Law & Order,' and weeping. The house went to hell and I vomited everything I tried to eat or drink. From July to now, I have lost 69 pounds. I've declared it the Stress and Grief diet and am thinking about marketing it.

October was spent pretty much the same way. I do remember being in the hospital from a break down at some time. Then another from weakness. I'm low on potassium and am seriously anaemic. Still, I'm feeling unsure of my legs, as I've fallen so many times. At one time, I fell when using a walker, on my way to the bedroom, thinking I heard Aunt Tudi. I ended up giving myself a terrible black eye from that fall. Tuesday, I fell five times, skinning my shin on the rocks of Craggy Garden when I went to speak to the spirits of Aunt Tudi and Granny, saying things I wasn't comfortable saying in front of others. I got there and back, though, so I'm more confident about driving home.

Yesterday, I attended a fire party thrown by Davis and Kathleen. The harpist did not come as I had hoped, so that I could give that closure as well. Ten years of resentment and loss is enough. But it is my first step in crawling out of my grievous Hobbit hole.

I'm still considering finding homes for all the animals. Riley is already gone to a very loving home whose people had just lost a wire-haired dachshund. I miss him, but it's already easier with just two dogs. All the animals are missing Aunt Tudi still and they miss me, because I've spent so much time at Uncle Michael's and Aunt Janice's.

But I'm working on moving back in my house and, since the family now has no doubt about my spiritual path, I'm going to Witch my home up. I couldn't take any more Christian postulations as I went through my grieving process. I told them that Aunt Tudi had come to understand the Witch's path, had been Croned, and was not thoroughly Christian, especially an xtian. Once I get finances sorted, I'm purchasing one thing a month from Azure Green. I'm also taking my gear and supplies out of the closet and drawers. Now that I am alone, I'm considering easing back into the Witches' community, if not here, in Asheville. Everyone will know my ways and, if they don't like it, they can remove themselves from my life, or pray for me, or do whatever they can do.

There are crosses etched into the red rock where we scattered both Granny's and Aunt Tudi's ashes. I took the metal tool and drew a humble pentagram and triskele there as well. More will be done. The etchings will be stronger and candles will be lit.

I am alone now, but I am hoping I can reestablish myself with what friends and family I have, and to learn what life without Aunt Tudi will be like. For now I'm off to do laundry and vacuum the floor. I have a new appreciation of a domestic life.

Comments

[theafaye.livejournal.com]

I am glad to see you back, even if the return is going to take you a while. It sounds like you are making very positive decisions for yourself and working towards moving forward in a way that is right for you.

If you are interested, a friend of mine is just setting up a business selling beautiful handmade witchy supplies and jewellery. She's NZ based, but I'm sure if you mentioned my name, she'd be very reasonable on shipping and the like. She has a FB page if you'd like me to send you the link?

Be well my friend. You are loved and your presence here is missed.

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

I would love that, thanks!

[durgablue.livejournal.com]

Everyone will know my ways and, if they don't like it, they can remove themselves from my life, or pray for me, or do whatever they can do.

Right on!

[polypolyglot.livejournal.com]

*HUGS* While you've been posting on FB, it's good to see you here as well.

[purplefog.livejournal.com]

It feels like you're stronger already. Keep those roots growing. Caru a iacho.

[p-m-cryan.livejournal.com]

The grieving process is going to take as long as it takes.

I am happy to hear that you are foing things for yourself.

[gunslingaaahhh.livejournal.com]

my dearest mum,

i am glad to see that you're updating! not so glad to hear that you're falling, of course, but if that is improving and you've got your legs back under you, then thats a plus.

definitely witch it up! and you're correct; if people cant accept that way of life for you then they can bugger off. you dont need them.

bummed we couldn't get together; if im ever back that way or vice versa, we shall convene and things will happen. i dont know what sorts of things, but im sure between the two of us we can think of something.

i love you; continue to be well and strive towards peace and well-being. <3

[angstzeit.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear from you again! Sorry your path is so hard but it is heartening that it seems to be leading in a good direction.

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

I just hate we met when I had Mad Cow Disease from that hideous traid ride.

[mizliz.livejournal.com]

It's good to see you back. Rest, rest, rest some more, and heal. oxox

[rheyamorgaine.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear from you. I was thinking about you today when I was wandering around L5P. Do you want me to distribute flyers for your new book like I did last time?

Is there anything in particular you are looking for in regards to Witchifying the house?

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Yes, flyers would be grand, but I have no way to print anything this time. :( Unsure about the house just yet. I'm just gonna roll with it.

[teague.livejournal.com]

Try and get yourself a good dremmel. It'll help with that etching stone, and generally witching up the place. If I could I would atheist up my place, but it's really hard to find good prints of people eating babies these days.

While I am sad to hear about your physical health, I'm not surprised, and I am glad that you are getting better. Of course if pressed to explain the black eye you can always take amusement in the expressions of people when you explain you had a domestic situation with yourself, and you've been pressing for a restraining order. The judge is hesitant.

In a strange way I understand what you mean about the pets. This year I have lost two beloved animals to Bast's kingdom. While I *am* deeply sad for their loss, I have to admit that 6 cats in the house was way too many, and now that age has claimed a couple, the load feels lighter. The survivors are ever more contented with more room and attention. I trust your judgement on the matter. Just don't sacrifice everyone. I think you need some form of company.

Very warm, and huggy hugs for you.

[warkitty.livejournal.com]

So glad to see a more full update. I have been rather worried about you, and apparently with reason. I understand about lightening the load, but as said before I think you should probably keep at least one fur baby. One should be manageable, and you would then still have some company to share your troubles with "in person" so to speak.

I know because I live alone and work alone and lost my canine companion how very easy it is to fall into a slump where the days run together. Time slips by in that darkness and it becomes nearly impossible to see a reason to get up in the morning. One animal depending on you may be just enough for a bit.

I like that you are witching the place up too! Good for you!

Lastly, even if I don't reach out personally often, through this I have come to care. I hope you can sense that through the ether from time to time and realize that tendril bit of energy looking for you is from me, and part of my prayer for you.

[bloominglotus.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry for your loss and for the difficult times that have followed. Thinking of you.

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

Good to see you back. You have been and will be in my prayers.

[persephone65.livejournal.com]

^Ditto to what Evcelt said!^ I am so glad to see a post from you, Tin. You have been in my thoughts and I am glad to see you back from your travels and starting to recover from your great loss. You have in your writing etched an Aunt Tudi place in so many hearts. :) I have no doubts that she and your Granny heard you and are still close to you. Wishing you peace, better days ahead, and a more good writing to come.

[beechelfromhell.livejournal.com]

I'm so happy to see you posting - I've been checking almost everyday. Been really worried about you, but really glad to see you're healing. Continue to get better and better, dear friend. *hugs* *smooches* *love* and all that good rot!

[philrancid.livejournal.com]

Hey--been thinking about you, hoping you're well. Thanks for posting.

Sending good thoughts, and hope.

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

This means so much to me right now, 'cos I just over a bout of weeping with Smidgen, telling her how scared and alone I feel. The wound just feels really deep at the mo, but I suppose a loss like this will be like everything else in the multi-verse; cyclic. And there's always someone or something there when you need them most. Today, that would be you.

[ladyana5.livejournal.com]

Hey, you! It's great to hear from you. I'm glad you are feeling better. Just take it slow, don't rush into any major decisions, and continue to let yourself heal. keep in touch!

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

It's gonna be slow going, but with my pals here, things will be okay.

[mutantjules.livejournal.com]

oh dear. The grieving process is so awful (and falling a lot as well, I've broken bones that way) but it is good to hear from you. Congratulations on finding security in your spiritual path! Just take it one day at a time, hug your animals, and let yourself heal. Your friends are thinking of you.

[gatheringrivers]

{{{HUUUUGS}}}

It's good to hear from you. :)

Grieving takes time - don't ever let anyone tell you that "you should be over it by now" - because everyone handles grief differently. It took years after my dad passed before I could do more than just "tread water" in everyday life.

Do you still have the same email? I'll drop you an email if so.

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

I've been absent, so I'm just getting this message, I'm sorry. Yes, I have the same e-mail. I'll be blogging about where I've been and why either tonight or sometime tomorrow.

[falkenna.livejournal.com]

Girl! How did I miss this, I check by here so often.
Great to see you back, sounding strong and good.
We HAVE to get together in January, we're there 9th to 30th. Things happening, 2012 will rise phoenix-like from the ashes of 2011.

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Not as strong and good as you may think. I'll tell you about it when we meet up.

[podmeister.livejournal.com]

I've only just managed to read this, but a quick message to say it's heartening to see you rebuilding strength and I wish you all the best and sending many healing vibes your way

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Thank you, pet.