Augury Woes

[tinhuviel]

I've been trawling through 'The Augury of Gideon,' checking to see if everything fit together okay. It seems to be, but there were parts of it that make me extreeeeeemely uncomfortable. I'm not certain how I can change this, but change it must. This part, though, I'm kind of proud of.

Thiyennen continued. “The mighty Cadmus Pariah, how you’ve come down in the world. What once was great is now a vessel of pain stretched across my sense of purity and vengeance. I will never go so low as to call you my son. You are the mutated afterbirth of my nighttime issue. That is all you ever were and all you shall ever be. Kelat might call you son, but I call you a demon sent straight from Hell.”
Cadmus raised his head and looked Thiyennen in the eye. “You’ve never tasted Hell, O King.” And with that, he spit dragon fire right into Thiyennen’s face. Thiyennen didn’t even get a chance to scream before his head was eaten completely away by the acidic dragon fire. Cadmus remembered the day in the desert when that almost happened to him, and how his biological mother Kelat had nursed him back to health in spite of his vow to destroy her. Now he wished she would find him and save him again. Then Cadmus laughed, truly laughed. When all is said and the day is done, the only thing a person wants when it boils right down to it is his mother. Cadmus couldn’t believe what he was thinking and feeling, and he soon found himself in hysterics, laughing and crying all at once, succumbing to the tsunami of emotions that he’d long abandoned in a field of unmentionable abuses. There he was, naked and strapped to a wheel-shaped rack, staring down at his headless father while the dragon fire continued to sputter and spit around the corpse’s shoulders, and all he wanted was his mother. Cadmus’ sense of absurdity had reached a breaking point and he screamed with the emotions that it unleashed. The scream ended with his merry laughter filling the torture chamber.

Yes, Cadmus begins feeling true emotions. He has to for the story to progress, and he finds himself in situations that demand an emotional reaction. This is where I have the problem. I've never had to worry about Cadmus and intimacy. It was only a means to an end whenever it happened, and I always skirted the subject just enough to make the point, but not go there. I have to this time, and I did. But when I reread it, I can hardly look at the words.

This is bloody frustrating, and I don't know how to fix it. Or if I even should. I just can't imagine anyone reading this and...liking it. It's so wrong on so many levels, I babble incoherently to my computer screen and the animals about how horrid the predicament is. I'm about ready to trash the whole damned book and start from scratch. I don't really want to do that, though.

FIE.

Comments

[theafaye.livejournal.com]

It's too late for me to be particularly coherent to give you any input, but you're free to drop me a mail and bounce ideas off me any time :D

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Thank you, m'dear. I'm just grousing and balking at taking Cadmus to this level, but it has to be done. There's nothing for it. :/