Second Thoughts

[tinhuviel]

I’m going through it right now.  I know I’ve been pretty quiet for about a week.  I pushed myself to be more social than I have been in years, in the hope that it might buoy me from what felt like an imminent major depressive dip.  Thanks to the combination empathy and introversion, what might have been just psychological became physical, and I ended up catching yet another cold.

An unexpected expense wiped my account during my absence from Teh Intarwebz, so I’ve been subsisting on four cans of soup, and a box of cereal during all this.  The financial scare and my shite health made my dip probably ten times worse than it would have been, had I just kept to myself.  I know now that the whole social thing is going to have to come slowly for me.  I can’t just fall back into it, because I was never that social to begin with!

 

I’m afraid I won’t be able to afford any of this.  I’m adrift in a situation where my travel options are very limited, which cuts into any monies I might need for basic things like, oh, food.  If you have $20, but it’s gonna cost $10+ to get to a store and back, you’re not going to have money to buy much of anything, and then you’re screwed for food and transportation.  I have to admit, my thoughts are bleak at the moment, and my vision of even the near future is clouded with worry, fear, and loneliness.

 

But at least I’m in a clean place for now.