Day in the Life

[tinhuviel]

I had to go out today.  One of my few trips each month, always to Walmart, sometimes to a doctor. Today was Walmart.  I barely made it through the store.  I got so breathless, and my neck just ached.  I could barely stand upright, and I used the cart most of the time to keep standing.  At one point, my eyes got all spotty and I knew I was about to pass out, but didn't.  By the time I checked out, I was overwhelmed with nausea, and actually had to rush outside and hurl the little bit of coffee I'd drunk an hour earlier.  Fun Fun Fun.  It's probably my anaemia, which has gotten worse.  I know the doctor is going to try to get me to take iron, but I ended up having to suffer rectal reconstruction surgery because the iron I was taking for my condition resulted in my being ripped apart by monster feces.  That's not happening again.  I'd rather collapse in Walmart than enjoy the horrors of flambodious butthole surgery.  

On the way to Walmart, some therapy place in Greenville called.  My new doctor had referred me to them, because I was honest about my suicidal ideation.  I stopped that train pronto.  The copay is $40 a visit, and they recommend two visits a month.  Silly dude who called me:  don't you know only the well-off can get mental health assistance in Murica?  Besides, I know the routine by now, since I've been playing that particular game sinc Aunt Tudi died.  Anyway, his voice full of concern, psych dude brought up the suicidal ideation and that I'd told the doctor I thought about it every day.  I informed him, I'd been doing that since 2011 and I was still here.  Everyone's gotta have a fucking hobby, right?  He then asked if I would come in for an assessment.  NOPE.  I told him that I went in for an assessment once and was forced to go into the hospital.  I'm not going down that road.  There's no point. 

Toby is getting worse.  I'm trying him on Benadryl to see if helps his cough at all.  If I don't see any improvement in his overall health, I'm taking Tobes to Dr. Patch so that he can cross over peacefully.  It's gonna be particularly hard, since I know this is the last time I'll see Doc and the crew.  No being should be forced to just linger in a world of nothing but pain and illness, with no reprieve or hope of one.  It'll be my last act of kindness to Toby, my final fur friend.  And it'll be my last act of kindness to myself.

Comments

[brujah]

Yeah, impacted stool is something I never, fucking EVER, want to experience again.

[tinhuviel]

Yeah. Breaking not only your rectum and anus, but also breaking the toilet, just to boost your red blood cells kinda puts things into perspective. Even now, things don't work as they should down there so, if I took iron again, it would be infinitely worse. Besides, Vampires are supposed to be anaemic. And dead.

[gatheringrivers]

Meats are usually a good source of iron, especially red meats. Burgers maybe? Or something with ground beef?

[tinhuviel]

I'm a vegetarian. I don't see how killing another being to save my useless ass would do any good, especially since, when I did eat meat I was still fucking anaemic. I'm not looking for ways to get better. I'm looking for ways to exit as quickly as possible.

[gatheringrivers]

I'm sorry, I forgot you're vegetarian.

In that case, your doctor's iron recommendations are VERY likely off the mark (and it's my #1 rage-fueled rant topic when a doctor tells someone "you have anemia"...) - It's MUCH more likely in YOUR particular case to be a B12 deficiency anemia (this is a common, medically known, risk for vegan and strict vegetarian diets - AS WELL AS for stomach/intestinal surgeries).

A simple B12 shot will most likely fix up a lot of that so you can more easily continue to care for Toby for his remaining days.



Symptoms include:

"Nerve problems like numbness or tingling, muscle weakness, and problems walking"
"Weakness, tiredness, or lightheadedness"
"Heart palpitations and shortness of breath"
"Mental problems like depression, memory loss, or behavioral changes"
"Constipation, diarrhea, loss of appetite, or gas "

Source: WebMD (Similar info at Harvard U)

(Emphasis indicating the things you've discussed or inferred in this entry and comments.)

B12 deficiency symptoms are insidious and can take a LONG time to develop, depending on the stores your body had to begin with.

[gatheringrivers]

A semi-unrelated side note: My late best friend once griped at me about how the vitamin D supplements I suggested to her caused some vicious constipation.

I was, of course, baffled, because that's not something I've experienced even on short-term "scary megadose" levels.

It took probably a couple months, but I eventually tracked it down, and found an interesting chain:

It wasn't that the vitamin D caused constipation - it's that she had a severe vitamin D *deficiency* before she started, and that normally causes diarrhea - but since she was ALSO on narcotic pain killers, which are WELL known to cause constipation, the end result in her prior vitamin D-deficient state was....completely normal poop.

Until she started taking vitamin D, at which point the narcotic-caused constipation came into play.

(Said constipation can be fixed with magnesium supplements - magnesium is a great laxative, lol)

[tinhuviel]

Apologies if this comes off as harsh, but I've politely rejected all your unsolicited herbal and vitamin supplement advice for years, apparently to no avail. You're working on the assumption that I don't know this shit and haven't tried it. You're also working on the assumption that I give a single fuck about improving my improvable situation. More so, you're working on the assumption that I could afford all this snake oil. I'm over all of it so, please, let me be clear. I never asked for, nor do I want or need, your advice. We can chitchat about your crafts and Apple shit all day long until I'm gone, but no more medical mumbo jumbo. Clear?

[gatheringrivers]

I am cognizant of the financial issues - it's why I offered to send you stuff in the past, so you wouldn't have to worry about affording it.

But.... Whatever.

Oh don't worry, I won't bring it up again. Depression lies, but you've made your point.

[gatheringrivers]

Hearing "The Big Hush" again this morning reminded me: I wanted to give you the Sanctuary Radio stream for the 80's alternative that occasionally plays Shriekback.

(They do have a distinctive and enjoyable sound, I see why you fell in love with the music to begin with.)