The Nature of Complacency

[tinhuviel]

Most would say that I'm very easygoing and can get along with most anyone. I'm open to other people's thoughts and opinions and, though I love a good debate, I try not to be confrontational about anything.

I was raised to be complacent about a lot of things....just let it roll off me like water off a duck's back! I was encouraged to ignore it when people's opinions became open discrimination. Ignore them and they'll go away was my mantra for the first 20 or so years of my life.

What happens when you ignore verbal abuse? It is an unspoken license for the one doing the abusing to continue his/her activities without fear of repercussion. What happens, though, when someone who's become nortorious for being silent and accepting of inexcusable comments begins to object to said treatment? All of a sudden, she's the bad guy. She is the one who totes a big bag of sour grapes. She's being unfair or irrational.

It's never the offender's fault. After all, it was only an opinion, right? Well, sometimes, it's best to keep one's opinion to oneself, especially if the person knows their opinion is hurtful to the other involved. B-b-b-but.....but.....nothing was meant by it ~~ I didn't know! The only way a person is to know they've been offensive is to be told. If being told offends them and makes them think that the offended party is being unfair, then perhaps the remark wasn't so innocent in the first place.

I have chosen to shed my complacency in a few matters because I'm tired of having my self-worth being attacked repeatedly for the sake of politeness on my part. If my harshness I display in my self-defense is too much for the parties involved, maybe a lesson will be learnt and the relationship fortified. If my refusal to smile meekly and remain silent to the insults, intentional or innocent, is a deal-breaker to our relationship, maybe there was no relationship from the very beginning.

Over the past few months, I've made it very clear to my friends that there are distinct buttons that should not be pushed unless the one doing the pushing is prepared for an education. My logic is that, if you proceed to push those buttons after being warned, it's no one's fault but your own if the education you receive from me is as heartless as the comments you initially made. If you can't handle it, the problem is no one's but your own. Besides, friends wouldn't even want to push my buttons. That's the reason I call them friends. Your friendship will immediately be in question if you cross that line of offense and, despite how I feel about you, it will be my personal duty to show you the error of your ways. Before you fly off the handle at my perceived unkindness, take a minute to pick up a mirror and look at yourself, and ask yourself why this normally complacent and kind woman suddenly took up arms.

I'm not an unkind, antagonistic person, nor am I a muted welcome mat to be verbally trampled on a whim. My genteel nature is conditional and limited to those who deserve it. In turn, my wrathful nature is also conditional and limited to those who deserve it.

The nature of my complacency has been altered by people who have abused it and me. If I'm no longer complacent enough for your tastes, I do not need you in my life because, more than likely, your discomfort stems from an inherent desire to abuse me or those like me, or it comes from a lack of concern for the feelings of a group of people to whom I belong. That's discrimination at its worst and I won't have it in my personal space.

Begone.

Comments

[bluestocking7.livejournal.com]

I admire you for getting to the point where you are not willing to cower and allow people to think and do what they want. It's a HARD step - people do start saying "what happened to HER!?!?!?" when you start speaking up for yourself and others, but after awhile, it becomes natural to do it.

I was a doormat for years. In my 30s, I am an advocate for myself and others. It feels good to be the latter.

(((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

hehehe

[gatheringrivers]

Also known as "I've gotten too old to put up with this s***". :)

I may want to copy/paste that to someone in the future, do you mind?

Re: hehehe

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Fee free! :)

[godblossom.livejournal.com]

If I'm no longer complacent enough for your tastes, I do not need you in my life because, more than likely, your discomfort stems from an inherent desire to abuse me or those like me, or it comes from a lack of concern for the feelings of a group of people to whom I belong.

*much loud applause*