Threshold

[tinhuviel]

I am on the threshold between frustration and apathy when it comes to this situation with the Bitch Daughter. Neither she nor her slacker boyfriend have yet to find a job, yet they're living it up without a care in the world while Llew pays for the house and all the utilities. BD even has a cell phone and Llew has no idea how she was able to pay for it. If she has money for a cell phone why then is she not helping with maintaining the household? She sure as hell isn't cleaning the house. What exactly does she do other than suck off Llew's livelihood?

So Llew complains to me about it and expresses his hopelessness and frustration regarding the situation, yet he gets testy when I tell him what he needs to do and how Bitch Daughter is an ungrateful little strumpet. All he does is moan about how miserable he is with these grifters, but he won't do anything about it.

I love Llew and I admire him for a variety of reasons, but this area of weakness I see in him has begun to stir feelings of disdain for him pertaining to this situation. I'm fed up with the cycle of use and abuse I see in his immediate family and I'm frustrated that my hands are tied when it comes to actually doing something about it. I grow weary watching him being taken advantage of and his allowing it. This weakness overshadows so many other wonderful things about the man.

But if he can't be strong with his Bitch Daughter when it's obvious even to him that she's using him up and will toss him to one side once he has nothing left to offer, how can he be the strong male presence I seem to so desperately need? How can I give up control the way I need to and feel safe with a man who has no control in hiw own life?

Comments

Control?

[insanvs.livejournal.com]

Hello Sweet Sister,
I pass no judgement here, just an IMHO. Without knowing Llew personally I cannot really make a value judgement like this. However, the situation is one of very complicated threads. The BD ( I like that!), it seems needs to be kicked to the curb along w/ boyfriend. Sometimes when a parent has an either/or decision to make like this, they will side with their child, be it for good or ill. I cannot explain this as it does not make sense, but there it is. I am sure he knows that she is taking advantage of him but he is also probably not able to see a way out of it that makes her happy (ie: him happy also - by extension) and one that makes you happy (ie: him alone happy - or what he might see as selfishness). What is important is coming to a decision on his own that will make him happy. Of course, there is the old rub. I mean, circle round and circle back, right?

So, what to do? You my friend are in the unenvieable middle. The proverbial shitty place. It is, IMO the hardest place to be in. Talk is about the only thing I could or would advise. Talk with Llew until you are sure that he has no way of not understanding what you and he are saying to each other. Communication is the only way to get to the end of this tunnel. Of course if Llew and his BD are not talking to each other then of course nothing is going to get better. They too, will have to communicate.
Parents are strange animals, even if they try to hide it. His daughter is using him and maybe, she doesn't even see it that way. She could see herself as his child and is taking everything that dad can give to her (or owes her in her opinion), even if she has to literally, take it. It might not be right, but that might also be how he sees it...giving up something in lieu of old guilt?
M is standing here and since her arm hurts she isn't typing. She says she agrees w/ me on this. I hope you are well and stay well.
93 :)

Re: Control?

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

These are very wise words and, believe it or not, I'm already doing this, however hard it is at times.

My problem is seeing this weakness in him when he has so much potential to be stronger.

Thanks for taking the time to respond. It helps to put things in perspective when my viewpoint gets too subjective.