Unsure what this is.....but whatever

[tinhuviel]

THE LIFE AND TIMES OF LARVA CHAV! (2005-2061) R.I.P In a series of rather calculated attempts to gain Tinhuviel's attention, she used to fling shit at the TV during episodes of Cornoration Street, Eastenders and a range of other mediocre soap operas. In 2016, Larva was reported to the local educational board for attending only 15% of their classes. Due in part to shoddy hygiene and their spiralling heroin addiction, Larva had lost their last remaining teeth by the age 15. For most of 2027, Larva spent 78% of their time in bed, prodding themselves off to Elvis records. Larva was beaten to within an inch of their life with a cue in a pool hall for whistling Cliff Richard's yuletide atrocity 'Millenium Prayer' After a 12 hour masterbation marathon she crashed out on a rocking chair with a lit cigarette. The cigarette fell to the floor and in no time the house was engulfed in flames! After taunting a lion one too many times in a safari park, Larva had their scalp and right hand bitten off. She wore a Beatlesque wig from then onwards! Upon hearing that she would be a grandparent once again, she invested £2000 on a cache of AK-47's! Whilst walking down the street one of Larva's hoop earrings connected to a bus door handle, leading them to be dragged 150m down the road. Larva did not recover.

Ever wanted to know what it would be like to parent a Chav? Now you can with Adopt a Chav! Simply enter your Chav's name, its gender and your LJ username below to begin! gender male female Drunken Hero

Comments

[ex-glittert.livejournal.com]

I used to live a piece down the road from this guy...I don't know him but I know the area he's from very well :) The whole site is hilarious and very NI

[falkenna.livejournal.com]

Don't worry, dear, it's very very British. Chav is a word I only learned a few weeks ago, it's a fairly new description of the council estate stereotype, but they seem happy to use the word to describe themselves. (Which I'm pretending makes it OK to be totally un-PC)

As my job involves 98% chavs, I thought it was hilarious. And they're all (the boys, that is) named Aaron, Darren, or Jason.

THE LIFE AND TIMES OF AARON CHAV! (2005-2065) R.I.P insanvs took an immediate disliking to Aaron after he decided to slobber all over insanvs's new outfit. In order to make things easier at bedtime, Falkenna got into a daily routine of feeding Aaron a 2 litre bottle of cider each night! After being asked for photographic ID at the local off licence, he proceeded to bludgen the cashier over the head with a sturdy bottle of Jack Daniels. Falkenna was sent to prison for 5 years for being a shit parent! On an application form for a local fast food outlet, Aaron informed the recruitment officer that they were 5' 13" and that their turn offs included goats, Germans and indian elephants. For most of 2029, Aaron spent 73% of their time in bed, prodding themselves off to Elvis records. Since Aaron had no money to buy clothes, he had to resort to stealing some brand new threads off the neighbours washing line. In a vain attempt to defraud the welfare system he claimed that he was wheelchair bound with tourettes syndrome. An appearance on 'Whos Wants To Be A Millionaire' ended in carnage after Aaron attempted to smuggle the hotseat out of the builder. Chris Tarrant was wise to Aaron's idea and proceeded to beat them to a pulp! Aaron was set upon by a group of skinheads who took exception to their magic t-shirt. Aaron died from their injuries.