Tales of the Weird

[tinhuviel]

AKA Things that can only happen to members of my family

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Yesterday Uncle Michael got to telling us funny stories from work. He's always been a forman or superintendent in construction work and really knows his stuff. He's also an Evans, which means that the Black Cloud of Doom hangs over his head. For instance...

He was telling me about the day he went to the port-a-john to use the bathroom. Sitting there, relaxing and focusing on his business, Uncle Michael suddenly felt something hot on his neck. Then he felt it again. He looked around and saw sparks coming through the vent at the top of the port-a-john. It turns out that a welder working in the parking building the company was constructing was right above the port-a-john, a couple of floors up, and his welding was falling into the vent, which was turned the wrong way.

Before Uncle Michael to finish his business and get out of there, a piece of hot welding popped through the vent and onto his underwear, catching it on fire. Panicking, Uncle Michael burst out of the port-a-john with his pants around his knees and his shorts on fire. He had to cut his underwear off, then went back to the port-a-john to clean up.

Afterward, he tried to hunt down the offending welder to no avail.

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It's stories like that that make me want to keep Uncle Michael around for as long as humanly possible.

Comments

[brujah.livejournal.com]

I married into the Evans Clan and calamity has followed me since. Damned curses and their shiny buttons.

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Buttons are not toys.

[polypolyglot.livejournal.com]

I think that totally trumps any story of my Uncle Leo, the defrocked minister

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

::ears perk::

You have my attention.

[polypolyglot.livejournal.com]

His wife, my mom's oldest sister, came to this country and sent money home to him since he had little or no income as a minister. A couple of years later, my cousin L. discovers her father is having an affair with one of her classmates. Leo beats up his daughter to keep her from telling her mother.

My aunt comes crying to my mom (I am about 16-17 at the time). At one point, she even tells me "I should kill him and then kill myself." And what does she do? She winds up forgiving him and we are told that, when he comes to this country, we should treat him with respect whether or not he deserves it, because he's our uncle.

Fuck that noise. At my brother Danny's high school graduation party (back in the day when drinking age was still 18 in NY), Danny and I are so ripped that we make fun of our uncle and his philandering ways. He's steamed, but knows we would kick his ass into the next county.

At Danny's funeral years later, uncle Leo makes some remark about Danny getting what he deserved and two of my cousins's husbands have to pull me off of him.

I put a curse on my uncle (as I had on a teacher in high school) and he dies of a massive heart attack a few years later. He's 67, true, but still...

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Oy! You'll have to share that curse with me sometime.

[ex-albee437.livejournal.com]

I wish I had an Uncle Michael. All my relatives do is earn Darwin Awards.

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

D'oh!

[luminita.livejournal.com]

LOL! Nothing good like that ever happened in my family.

[liliblackswan.livejournal.com]

That story is too good to not be true. Otherwise no one would believe it.