Either shoot me or hand me a bat
Jun. 10th, 2005 03:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tinhuvielJessica Simpson is currently on the radio murdering "These Boots Were Made for Walking." Okay....granted, it wasn't that great of a song to begin with, but El Skanko has actually managed to make it worse. If I didn't need a bullet in the head before this, I surely need one now. I feel like the cat at the end of that old Elmer Fudd cartoon about Elmer's dog being tormented by a flea. "Now I've seen everything," he says morosely, then shoots himself. Yeah. That's me in spades.
Jessica Simpson needs a bat right up side her pointy little head. In fact, if I had me a bat, here's a list of subhumans that would get a good whacking and why:
This is not a complete list by any stretch of the imagination. I probably should have made a list of people I don't want to hit with bat, 'cos it would have been shorter.
1.5 hours left in The Pit and I've nothing to do. Perhaps I should scamper through the office yodeling to the heavens.
Oh, on a brighter note, our temp Becky informed The Feudal Mistress that she enjoyed working here and especially with me. Here I thought I was alarming her on an hourly basis with my odd manner, but it turns out she thinks I'm cool. Hahahahahaha! This should prove that I'm not a complete nutter only on LJ. I'm the same everywhere.
Now..somebody hand me a motherfucking bat.
Jessica Simpson needs a bat right up side her pointy little head. In fact, if I had me a bat, here's a list of subhumans that would get a good whacking and why:
- Nick Lachey ~ because he's married to Jessica Simpson and is a talentless fucker himself.
- Anyone who's ever been on a reality TV show ~ because they're on fucking reality TV!
- Britney Spears ~ because she's a skank-ass ho.
- George Dubya Bush ~ because he's fucking EVIL INCARNATE.
- Brad Pitt ~ because he looks like he never bathes and he's butt-fucking-ugly, that's why!
- Natalie Randall, the Midday Diva on B93.7 ~ because she's a gossip monger and giggles constantly while she tells the latest dirt on so-called celebrities.
- Crackhead Boy ~ for calling me to ask if I can do him a favour when he should know by now that I hate his fucking guts.
- Maroon 5 ~ You were pretty cool at first, but now you're played too much on the radio and you have begun to suck the mental paint off my house of patience. DIE DIE DAMN YOU DIE!
- Kelly Clarkson ~ because I'd rather listen to glass being raked across a chalkboard that hear your rancid little below average croakings.
- The State of Wisconsin ~ because of that dumbass law you passed allowing every fucking wacko within your borders to kill stray cats. What about all the stray kids? Off them too! One of them will do more damage than 100 fucking cats, you morons. See what happens when you drink too much fucking milk? I curse you with a state-sized and state-shaped sink hole. Fuckers.
- The Feudal Mistress ~ because she's still breathing, goddammit!
- Todd ~ because he left me here in Shitville 10 years ago and I still miss him and there's nothing I can do about it.
- Steve White ~ because his radio car commercials are nerve-grating and parts of me draw up that just shouldn't.
- Ben & Jerry ~ because they discontinued Wavy Gravy, when it was the best damned ice cream ever made. Two whacks for them!
- The Creepy Six-Flags Guy ~ because he's fucking creepy!
- Every Spammer on the Face of the Earth ~ this is pretty much self-explanatory
This is not a complete list by any stretch of the imagination. I probably should have made a list of people I don't want to hit with bat, 'cos it would have been shorter.
1.5 hours left in The Pit and I've nothing to do. Perhaps I should scamper through the office yodeling to the heavens.
Oh, on a brighter note, our temp Becky informed The Feudal Mistress that she enjoyed working here and especially with me. Here I thought I was alarming her on an hourly basis with my odd manner, but it turns out she thinks I'm cool. Hahahahahaha! This should prove that I'm not a complete nutter only on LJ. I'm the same everywhere.
Now..somebody hand me a motherfucking bat.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-06-10 07:33 pm (UTC)-grabs her own bat-
Lead the way, mistress. =) OUR VENGANCE SHALL BE SWIFT AND SWEET! =D
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Date: 2005-06-10 07:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-10 07:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-10 07:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-10 07:35 pm (UTC)The rest of them, though? You want a wooden bat or one of those aluminum ones that make that cool PING noise when you hit some
onething with them?I insist on gifting you with either, post haste, and then joining you on your rampage.
Or I could just be your alibi, which ever you desire.
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Date: 2005-06-10 07:38 pm (UTC)of Bat sounds.
Date: 2005-06-13 11:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-10 07:36 pm (UTC)There is a car commericial on our local stations here that is just disturbing. Its a white guy saying "I want to put your booty in a car!" What self respecting person wants to buy a car from a wanna be like that? I should go up there with some kind of giant fake butt and let him try to put it in a car. Yeah, that would show him. muwahaha!
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Date: 2005-06-10 07:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-10 07:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-10 07:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-10 08:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-10 08:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-10 08:31 pm (UTC)Try B&Js Coffee Heath Crunch - it is da bomb!!
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Date: 2005-06-10 08:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-10 08:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-10 08:59 pm (UTC)Pure Genius Joy!
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Date: 2005-06-10 09:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-10 09:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-10 11:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-12 06:12 am (UTC)