Beezers

Aug. 5th, 2014 05:55 pm
tinhuviel: (Red and black alien)

About the same time I was experiencing the terror of the shadows in the hall, I began seeing or hearing (or both) something that I called “beezers”.  As I lay in my crib, I would look up, thinking I would see swarms circling over my head.  I could hear them.  They sounded like a swarm of bees.  I don’t recall anything bad ever happening to me, and I’d never before been stung, so I wasn’t afraid of bees.  Actually, I got stung for the first time just a few months ago.  I’m still not afraid of bees.  Anyway, hearing the buzzing and sensing the swarm around me, I would go into full-on panic attacks that often interrupted the Parental Units’ and Aunt Tudi’s rest.  


I would try to tell them what was going on, at least as how I perceived it, but not being able to talk very well, all I could really say is that they were called beezers.  I clearly recall my horror that I was in a room alone with these things, whatever they were.  


As the years marched on, my last conscious beezers experience was sometime around the age of seven.  I convinced myself that it was my overactive imagination, and carried on as if the whole thing was a bad dream, or a night terror.  


But, when I read Whitley Strieber’s Communion, I was taken aback by his assertion that people would often have alien encounters as children first, and those encounters would engender in the contactees being fascinated with owls, deer, and insects.  A little later on, when I saw the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode about the nanites, watching those tiny robots swarm threw me right back into my childhood.  All this was going on at the same time I began fashioning the bones of The Vampire Relics, and I have no doubt in my mind that I dubbed the worldwide Vampire community “The Great Hive,” because the link between Incubi/Succubi, combined with my research on Lilith (AKA The Night Monster), and beezers was formed before I even knew it had done so.


The closest thing to what the beezers displayed to me is the murmuration of starlings, behaving as though they are part of a hive mind.  Their stark blackness against the sky are highly suggestive of the tiny black swarms over my crib.  


black_sun_teams


Were they real?  Were they a product of a very young imagination that did not yet have the proper words to describe what it had seen?  Were they what my mind decided to fabricate to gloss over memories of alien contact?  Or were they just a hallucination produced by a brain that may have had, or still has, chemical imbalances?  


I doubt I’ll ever know.


The only thing I do know is that almost 40 years after my last beezer experience, I am still deeply unsettled by their memory.

tinhuviel: (Caveman)
The above subject line has less to do with the content of this post and more to do with my general hatred of all-confining subject lines. Sometimes, I like to let my mind wonder whilst writing these and Flying Weasels allow me to that much more easily than "I got my hairrr did today."

Off and on I've been watching Avatar on the computer today. I must say I've enjoyed it much more in this format than on the TV. I could never get the sound balanced out which made the movie unbearably loud or so low, I couldn't make out the dialogue. With my handy-dandy ear plugs, though, this wasn't an issue and I followed along much more easily and without a headache. Always good things in Tin's Land. Uncle Michael wants his movie back my Monday, so I'm probably gonna watch it a couple more times before grudgingly handing it back over to him.

One movie I've been wanting to see again is Pee Wee's Big Adventure. There are just so many comedic gems in that movie and to sit back almost 30 years later and be able to watch the birth a beautiful working relationship heartens me in a way. The world would never have been the same if Tim Burton and Danny Elfman hadn't struck up a working friendship. It's such things as that, that make me believe in a higher power.

My nails have grown out and are exceedingly strong. I'm gonna see if I have any decent nail polish and polish them sometime tomorrow. They're the longest right now than they've been when I worked at the Pit. I'm typing with my nails instead of my fingers. Yes, that long. I may just say "fuck it" and cut them down to nubbins like I've been doing. I can't see myself being concerned with nail polish right now. Just...not interested.

I'm keen on working on The Moon Myths, but I've vowed not to touch that project until I'm finished completely with The Vampire Relics. I just wonder what the Father Unit would have thought about it all. He wrote a great deal. The Mother Unit writes too. I recall reading part of a manuscript that put me in mind later on of I Am Legend, but there was a real freaky twist to it. I wonder if she still has it and would be willing to maybe collaborate. The Father Unit tended to write more comedic material and pieces that one might find in The Saturday Evening Post. Not my thing, but I respected his ability to do so. I think I fall more in the Mother Unit's category of The Strange and Unusual. She trained me early, letting me watch Dark Shadows from my crib.

I'd like to also touch on my memories of the Beezers, actual phenemona that happened to me when I was a baby and a toddler. I'd be very interested to make contact with Whitley Streiber and see what he thought about the Beezers. Personally, I think I was being dicked around with by the Greys. I'm going to be as objective as possible, but you know how time and the ebb and flow of memories can affect one's objectivity.

There are just so many projects on which I could work once the proofing and rewrites on The Relics are completed. I honestly got a little antsy toward the end of The Augury of Gideon. What would I do with my time? What would I write? Almost immediately, the answer came "write and write whatever you damned well please!" It was refreshing to hear that ~ liberating. So that's what I'm gonna do. I've lived with my Vampires for almost a quarter of a century. It's time to move onward and upward, and see where it takes me. Here's hoping Fey is on board for that particular journey.

My pain levels are high today, so my mind is bouncing around like an under-inflated beach ball soaked in BP tar balls. Lovely metaphor...shame we have to 'get it.' Aunt Tudi and I have quibbled a couple of times, mainly because I'm arse when I'm hurting and she's always the strong, hard rock of a pioneer woman who won't let anything get her down. I just want to slap up-side the head on days like today. I'm going to watch Wipe-Out, laugh at the slapstick, then go to bed early. Because I can.

February 2019

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