The Bluetooth Conspiracy
Oct. 22nd, 2008 11:18 amBluetooth technology was invented by a crazy person. Smart? Sure! But crazy, too. Most crazy people are smart anyway, so it doesn't surprise me one bit that one of them would invent such an insidious device such as the Bluetooth.
Point in case: Monday, at the dollar store, I caught myself in one after another social gaffes when I would respond to a person whom was not talking to me. After a while, I just stood back to watch and listen. At one point, the store was full of people walking around seemingly talking to themselves. Now, this isn't too unusual on any given day at the dollar store, but it put me onto something. What's the best way to disguise someone who is walking around talking to himself than to ensure that everyone around him is doing the same thing?
A-HA! The voice in my head said, and an instant soundtrack began with their best-known American hit, "Take on Me."
It all seemed so clear. If everyone looks crazy, then the crazy people can work in full view, perpetrating their vile plans. I don't know what those vile plans are, but I'm sure they're vile, as are most plans, except for the cunning ones, which may or may not be vile in addition to being cunning. And they're doing it with our help! Or, rather, the help of those who can still afford cell phones with the added luxury of a Bluetooth. I was part of this conspiracy for about a minute before I hit the skids. I'm glad I'm no longer the crazy people's patsy and that I can be a mental health Paul Revere, as 't'were, for all you poor sods still buying into The Plan.
The best way to see who's really crazy out there is to stop using this technology altogether. If that isn't an option, go up to a person talking to himself and demand to see his Bluetooth. If he bares a fang at you, he's obviously crazy. If he proudly displays an ear with what looks like a scarab attached to it, go in peace. Lather, rinse, repeat. This should keep you safe.
"The Sun Always Shines on TV" is now playing. That's the only other A-HA! song I know.
Point in case: Monday, at the dollar store, I caught myself in one after another social gaffes when I would respond to a person whom was not talking to me. After a while, I just stood back to watch and listen. At one point, the store was full of people walking around seemingly talking to themselves. Now, this isn't too unusual on any given day at the dollar store, but it put me onto something. What's the best way to disguise someone who is walking around talking to himself than to ensure that everyone around him is doing the same thing?
A-HA! The voice in my head said, and an instant soundtrack began with their best-known American hit, "Take on Me."
It all seemed so clear. If everyone looks crazy, then the crazy people can work in full view, perpetrating their vile plans. I don't know what those vile plans are, but I'm sure they're vile, as are most plans, except for the cunning ones, which may or may not be vile in addition to being cunning. And they're doing it with our help! Or, rather, the help of those who can still afford cell phones with the added luxury of a Bluetooth. I was part of this conspiracy for about a minute before I hit the skids. I'm glad I'm no longer the crazy people's patsy and that I can be a mental health Paul Revere, as 't'were, for all you poor sods still buying into The Plan.
The best way to see who's really crazy out there is to stop using this technology altogether. If that isn't an option, go up to a person talking to himself and demand to see his Bluetooth. If he bares a fang at you, he's obviously crazy. If he proudly displays an ear with what looks like a scarab attached to it, go in peace. Lather, rinse, repeat. This should keep you safe.
"The Sun Always Shines on TV" is now playing. That's the only other A-HA! song I know.
