Tinhuviel Artanis

Everyone knows that the real Alpaca Lips will occur on 12-21-2012, but why not have fun with the fake Rapture supposedly happening tomorrow? Here are some ideas of what we can do for shits and giggles come Judgment Day.

• Slap a Fundie. Hell, they have it coming, and in spades, don't even try to deny it.


• Expose the rest of Wikileaks. If we're all gonna die, we may as well go out knowing the entire truth.


• Stop dieting for fuck's sake. Eat what you want to. Life is too short. Literally.


• Look a cicada in the eye for as long as you can. Bet you'll be so creeped out, you won't last five minutes.


• Bitchslap Rush Limbaugh. He has it coming almost as much as the Fundies do.


• Tell someone you would otherwise never have the guts to, that you love them. Desperately, even.


• Rob a bank, then give the money back. What are you gonna do with it anyway?


• Rob a convenience store of one beer, and drink it right there. What are they gonna do, I mean, really?


• Unleash all the animals from the zoos, film the ensuing chaos.


• Convert to Discordianism, film the ensuing chaos.


• Attend a Charlie Sheen Torpedo of Truth concert. Film the ensuing chaos.


• Have some boiled cabbage, bacon grease optional.


• Molest a Scotsman.


• Molest James Spader.


• Molest yourself.


• Smoke a fattie, then eat a pan of brownies.


• Smoke a pan of brownies, then eat a fattie.


• Beat Glen Beck like a rented mule. Film the ensuing chaos.


• Read a children's book upside down while everything flies all to hell, a la Dubya.


• Steal a garden gnome, name him James McAvoy, then molest him.


• Eat a full 20-course Indian meal, sans anise. You don't mind dying, you just don't want to be desperately nauseous whilst doing so.


• Watch all the Roland Emmerich disaster films, one after the other.


• Hug all your animal companions at least three times each, or until they bite you out of frustration.


• Ball up your fist and growl "Thank you very bloody much" just like Basil Fawlty would.


• Eat blueberry blintzes at the IHOP, then refuse to pay for them.


• Speed and refuse to stop for the cops.


• Purchase all new furniture and finance it for next year.


• Sing "This is the Song that never Ends," 'cos you know that it will.


• Write a book...really really fast.


• Have lots of sex with lots of different people and aliens.


• Watch every Jim Carrey movie ever made.


• Hang out with Madea.


• Get a tattoo.


• Make someone else get a tattoo.


• Watch all the Star Wars movies and curse out George Lucas yet again.


• Bitchslap Donald Trump with Pat Robertson.


• Go SCUBA diving.


• Ready yourself for 12-21-2012, like any good Mayan.

If the writer of our book/screenplay/whatever it is finally gets pissed off enough to destroy the manuscript, we will all die. Maybe that's what 2012 is all about.

I just took the "practice test" in my computer class, where I still am, by the way, and it was dead easy. Had it been the real test, I would have made 100, 'cos I was told that each answer I supplied was correct. Here I sit now, waiting on the rest of the class to finish up. This is interminable. I know I have to take this class as a requisite for the Health Unit Coordination program, but being with people who don't know as much about computers as I do is driving me mad. And that's a short drive, let me tell you. Hell, I could walk and save the gas, the trip to madness is so short. Well, I may use a moped to save the knees.

If I had my Joker file, I could work on my latest fic, "The Dentist's Date." Yes, it's inspired by my crescent tooth with the exposed nerve and yes, I already know the Scar Story for this fic. It's particularly unpleasant for anyone with dental issues or phobias. Yeeesh. Hopefully, I'll finish that today, if I can get out of this class early. But I doubt that's gonna happen. I'm surrounded by tackheads, but what should I expect? I'm in South Carolina aka The Armpit of Hell.

I got all narcissistic and submitted my Redeye Grandé story to the lj_turns10 community. I doubt they'll include it in the book, but at least I tried to be a bit proactive in getting published by any means necessary. Ha!

Oh gawd, this is such a drag. I want to go home, eat some yoghurt, and chill for a little bit before I have to go to work. Something tells me I won't get out of work until around midnight tonight. I don't know why I feel that way, but I do. Gads. I've been up since 6:30 and I'm already so sleepy I could just fall out right here in class and drool all over the table. I wish she'd let those of us who are a little faster than the others do our thing and just go ahead and leave. But she won't. ::bangs head on desk:: I feel like a prisoner in the Computer Lab from Heck.

So far all my classes have been ridiculously easy. If they're all like this throughout the entire program, I'll graduate with honours in 2010. I'll then get to enjoy the fruits of my acedemic labour for approximately 2 years before all hell breaks loose. Go me!