"Going through the Old Diary"

[tinhuviel]

It's a song title from a piece on "Haunted Box of Switches" by Barry Andrews, and it feels like that's what I've been doing. In all actuality, I've been going through dresser drawers. I found my old Rider-Waite deck, my Celtic Tarot, and the box for the Robin Wood Tarot but, in lieu of cards, there was instead a wax poppet, a wooden heart, a small bag of keys, and a scrap of paper that says "psychic work" in Tarmi Tamllorann.

Also found:

• A draft of some section of The Chalice, dating back to probably 1988, not long after Cadmus' creation.
• My Witches' Rede and Initiation taper given to me when I was initiated into First Degree.


• My wooden Pentacle purchased at Rainbows & Moonbeams "back in the day."


• My ceramic Pentacle made by yours truly.


• My bag of FUTHARK.


• A paper spell I'd done back in 1991 to help Pierce, one of Johnna's many neglected pets, find a decent home.


• My old Witches Bible by Janet and Stewart Ferrar.


• Some black candles so old they are literally disintegrating

This makes me want to pull out all my other Craft paraphernalia and conduct a full-blown, no-holds-barred High Ritual. One of my favourite kinds. Not to make magick or engage in any wish-fulfillment; rather, to worship ~ just worship and do so with a deep and unfettered passion.

Rose Red is on Sci-Fi right now. Mmmmmmmmmmm.....Julian Sands.....

Comments

[aki-dreaming.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes yes! Oh, yes.

You know, for all my interest in Feri, I have also wanted to study actually ceremonial magic for a long time as well. But it's sooooooooo structured.

I'm jealous that you had a "First Degree" initiation. I've never had the kind of formal training that allowed for such things, though I continue to want them.

Envy? Or anxiety?

[spencer-diehard.livejournal.com]

Your post struck a chord with me.

Part of me wishes I had, somewhere along my path as Pagan, been trusted and embraced enough to be intiated in ANY sort of way, to be that bonded, like family, to others...

But then I recall the training/initiation process I went through to be able to do Reiki healing. I really-really struggled with a desire to confront, to escape... I had surges of suspicious rage and things that felt like claustrophobia...

I tell myself I am a Pagan solitaire, a witch... I am not sure there is a witch anywhere who would sincerely agree with me, or regard me as a likely 'fit' for their coven, or family, or whatever.

My husband and I recently reflected on how we came to be living in such profound iscolation, eternal pergatory... The one good I see is the kids are not lazy, take nothing for granted, and have an intense investment in being both 'true' to the family, and 'true' to their own callings, their own futures, personal unfoldment...

Yeah, the one thing I detest about many-many people who HAVE secure community membership is they get petty, cruel, and complacent.

So, I am solitaire, and the only one I know who would call me 'witch.'

[ealdthryth.livejournal.com]

Feeling the tug of Beltane?