Jun. 29th, 2006
Thursday Quiz-Fest
Jun. 29th, 2006 03:39 pmI didn't do this at all last week, so I'm doing it a day early this week. I'm out of control.
( somebody stop me )
( somebody stop me )
Typical Conversation
Jun. 29th, 2006 04:01 pmMe: I'm going to the kitchen to get something cold to drink. Can I get you anything?
Aunt Tudi: No, thank you.
Me: Fine! You can starve and thirst to death for all I care! You can go to Hell, you can go to Hell and die!
Aunt Tudi (whimpering): I live in South Carolina. Ain't that enough?
Aunt Tudi: No, thank you.
Me: Fine! You can starve and thirst to death for all I care! You can go to Hell, you can go to Hell and die!
Aunt Tudi (whimpering): I live in South Carolina. Ain't that enough?
The Day after His Birthday
Jun. 29th, 2006 07:39 pmMy dad is dead.
He turned 61 yesterday and today my stepmother came home to find him sitting in his chair, dead.
We don't know what took him yet. The coroner will have to determine that. But it could have been a number of things. He was in extremely poor health and was being visited by Hospice at least once a week, most of the time more than once.
I don't know what will happen next. I don't think there will be any services as Daddy wanted to be cremated and keep things as low-key as possible. I'm sure that Aunt Tudi and I will be going down to Moncks Corner in the next few days to help Mary with whatever, but I don't know about anything right now. I don't even know if my presence is needed, required, or wanted.
I was his only child. And I don't even know what responsibilities that carries, if it does.
Aunt Tudi is all to pieces. She doesn't handle loss very well. Daddy was her younger brother and they were unimaginably close. So I'm being strong for her, like I did when Granny died. I can grieve in my own time, in private, so as not to distress anyone else.
I talked to him yesterday, wished him a happy birthday. Aunt Tudi and I had already sent his present to him early: super binoculars so he could eyeball the local birds. He got to use them for two weeks. He told me on the phone yesterday that he'd had a good birthday so far but, now that I'd called, it was a fantastic birthday. He told me that he loved me very much. I told him I loved him too.
And that was that.
He turned 61 yesterday and today my stepmother came home to find him sitting in his chair, dead.
We don't know what took him yet. The coroner will have to determine that. But it could have been a number of things. He was in extremely poor health and was being visited by Hospice at least once a week, most of the time more than once.
I don't know what will happen next. I don't think there will be any services as Daddy wanted to be cremated and keep things as low-key as possible. I'm sure that Aunt Tudi and I will be going down to Moncks Corner in the next few days to help Mary with whatever, but I don't know about anything right now. I don't even know if my presence is needed, required, or wanted.
I was his only child. And I don't even know what responsibilities that carries, if it does.
Aunt Tudi is all to pieces. She doesn't handle loss very well. Daddy was her younger brother and they were unimaginably close. So I'm being strong for her, like I did when Granny died. I can grieve in my own time, in private, so as not to distress anyone else.
I talked to him yesterday, wished him a happy birthday. Aunt Tudi and I had already sent his present to him early: super binoculars so he could eyeball the local birds. He got to use them for two weeks. He told me on the phone yesterday that he'd had a good birthday so far but, now that I'd called, it was a fantastic birthday. He told me that he loved me very much. I told him I loved him too.
And that was that.
The Father Unit
Jun. 29th, 2006 11:08 pmThank you to everyone who sent me their condolences. It means more than you can imagine.
I found the last picture I had made with Daddy.
( Dad & Me )
It's difficult for me to fathom that he's gone. All that keeps running through my mind is the song he wrote back in the 70s, "Carolina Mountains." It was so pretty and he sang it beautifully.
There will be no service, per Daddy's will. He is to be immediately cremated and his ashes saved until Mary dies, at which time their ashes will be mingled. There will be no ritual of any kind during which I can properly say goodbye, so I'll have my own ritual here at home.
According to their next door neighbour, who called me earlier this evening, I am supposed to just lie low until Mary calls me. This dude talked down to me like he thought I was some sort of idiot and it kind of pissed me off. If I haven't heard from Mary about the arrangements by tomorrow afternoon, so at least I'll know when my father is being cremated, I'm going to call her despite what the neighbour said. He instructed me not to call her, but to wait for her to call me. I'm sorry, but I can only give 24 hours. I'm not going to risk having to talk to the neighbour again. It's not his place to be the messenger and I think I deserve a bit more than his patronising me as though I were a brainless intruder.
The Father Unit and I had a tumultuous relationship. It seemed sometimes that I was forever frozen in time to him as the 6 year old he lost when he and the Mother Unit divorced. He always wanted to go back in time and redo some of the things he did, or do some of the things he didn't and wanted to or should have. There was a bit of resentment on my part where he was concerned. It's there with the Mother Unit too. Despite Aunt Tudi always being there for me, I couldn't help but feel just a tad abandoned by both parents. They were too young to start a family and too immature to maintain one. It doesn't mean I don't love them, though. I'll always love them. Daddy was always on my case to forgive him for his past transgressions, and I had, but he couldn't let it go. I think it's because he could never completely forgive himself. All I hope is that he's found the peace on the other side that he wouldn't allow himself over here. We wasted far too many years on the past instead of trying to enjoy our present, much less think about our future.
I wish things had been different.
I found the last picture I had made with Daddy.
( Dad & Me )
It's difficult for me to fathom that he's gone. All that keeps running through my mind is the song he wrote back in the 70s, "Carolina Mountains." It was so pretty and he sang it beautifully.
There will be no service, per Daddy's will. He is to be immediately cremated and his ashes saved until Mary dies, at which time their ashes will be mingled. There will be no ritual of any kind during which I can properly say goodbye, so I'll have my own ritual here at home.
According to their next door neighbour, who called me earlier this evening, I am supposed to just lie low until Mary calls me. This dude talked down to me like he thought I was some sort of idiot and it kind of pissed me off. If I haven't heard from Mary about the arrangements by tomorrow afternoon, so at least I'll know when my father is being cremated, I'm going to call her despite what the neighbour said. He instructed me not to call her, but to wait for her to call me. I'm sorry, but I can only give 24 hours. I'm not going to risk having to talk to the neighbour again. It's not his place to be the messenger and I think I deserve a bit more than his patronising me as though I were a brainless intruder.
The Father Unit and I had a tumultuous relationship. It seemed sometimes that I was forever frozen in time to him as the 6 year old he lost when he and the Mother Unit divorced. He always wanted to go back in time and redo some of the things he did, or do some of the things he didn't and wanted to or should have. There was a bit of resentment on my part where he was concerned. It's there with the Mother Unit too. Despite Aunt Tudi always being there for me, I couldn't help but feel just a tad abandoned by both parents. They were too young to start a family and too immature to maintain one. It doesn't mean I don't love them, though. I'll always love them. Daddy was always on my case to forgive him for his past transgressions, and I had, but he couldn't let it go. I think it's because he could never completely forgive himself. All I hope is that he's found the peace on the other side that he wouldn't allow himself over here. We wasted far too many years on the past instead of trying to enjoy our present, much less think about our future.
I wish things had been different.