Happy Birthday

to
ldragoon
and
bigblackmimesis!

Blobula

Jangled Nerves

I haven't heard from Sophie about The Chalice yet. She said that I should contact her by mid-May if I hadn't heard anything, but I'm not sure I should be that pushy. I don't want to look desperate to publish the book, but I am pumped about it possibly being published. It's just that I hate getting my hopes up only to have them dashed and, like a total dumbass, I accidentally got my hopes up about this. The Chalice isn't like normal books though, so she may tell me to take a hike. The tale is very cyclic in nature and the way I tell it may not be to Sophie's taste. I just don't know. I'm freaking out a little that it's so close to mid-May. Maybe if I don't hear from her by mid-May, I should consider that a no-go, and just continue on my not-so-merry way. Ugh...

Publishing Woes, Nick and Knack, Brick and Brack, Frick and Frack, and Things

I'm what-ifing myself to death. What if the book is published and Barry actually reads it? Is he gonna hate me for Cadmus' numerous crimes against humanity and Vampire-kind? Carl is interested in the book, too. Is he gonna freak out over Cadmus? Should I tell him that Cadmus' name is his name bastardised? Would he mind if he knew? What if the book is published and nobody buys it? Or they buy it and hate it? What if people actually like it and start clamouring for The Blood Crown, which I haven't finished yet? What if I start getting pushed to finish it? Deadlines make me crazy, even though I do well writing under pressure. Take NaNoWriMo for instance. Still though, the thought of a bunch of people poking at me makes me extremely uneasy.

ANY...way. Fibro is kicking my ass right now. I'm in desperate need of a massage, but I'm to sensitive to be touched. It hurts to be touched just when I need to be touched. If I didn't have the Lyrica, I'd probably crawl off and die. On top of that, I think my left knee is getting water on it. I have no idea what I'm going to do if that's the case. If I have to, I'll go back to Dr. Keith since he's paid off, but I really don't want to because his financial person is a bitch who reamed me out about the money I owed in front of all the waiting patients. Her exact words were "You don't take your car to a mechanic without paying for it." Gee, I didn't realise Dr. Keith was also an auto mechanic. ...bitch.

I'm thinking of selling all my books on Witchcraft, except for <i>The Witches Bible</i> and a couple of others as resource information for any future rituals I attend or officiate. I never look at most of these books and I think it's time to let them go to someone who needs them. I could use the money too.

That "World's Greatest Spokesperson in the World" is irritating as all Sith Hell. I want to take that blue phone of his and shove it up his chocolate wizway. I've had Nationwide Insurance since the early 80s. I don't need some bozo with a blue phone to tell me how good they are. Nationwide needs to come to grips that their advertising ploy will never measure up to Geico commercials and just shut up and sell insurance. Idiots...

I sound like I'm in a bad mood. I'm always in a bad mood. My counselor tells me I need to essentially re-program myself to think good thoughts and my depression will ease up. Is she right? I don't know. I'm trying that half-smile technique, but I feel like I'm grimacing when I do it. I need to think positive thoughts, she said. I always come up on the negative side, which is why I feel so bad. Again, is she right? I don't know. I'm afraid that she's trying to kill my Inner Sith. Rosa told me that I was the most difficult case she's had in six years because I'm so smart. In so many words, she suggested I try to dumb myself down because the therapy will be more helpful. Apparently ignorance is bliss. Who'da thunk?

Fringe comes on in 10 minutes. That makes me happy.

Then sleep. Blessed sleep.