Publishing Woes, Nick and Knack, Brick and Brack, Frick and Frack, and Things

[tinhuviel]

I'm what-ifing myself to death. What if the book is published and Barry actually reads it? Is he gonna hate me for Cadmus' numerous crimes against humanity and Vampire-kind? Carl is interested in the book, too. Is he gonna freak out over Cadmus? Should I tell him that Cadmus' name is his name bastardised? Would he mind if he knew? What if the book is published and nobody buys it? Or they buy it and hate it? What if people actually like it and start clamouring for The Blood Crown, which I haven't finished yet? What if I start getting pushed to finish it? Deadlines make me crazy, even though I do well writing under pressure. Take NaNoWriMo for instance. Still though, the thought of a bunch of people poking at me makes me extremely uneasy.

ANY...way. Fibro is kicking my ass right now. I'm in desperate need of a massage, but I'm to sensitive to be touched. It hurts to be touched just when I need to be touched. If I didn't have the Lyrica, I'd probably crawl off and die. On top of that, I think my left knee is getting water on it. I have no idea what I'm going to do if that's the case. If I have to, I'll go back to Dr. Keith since he's paid off, but I really don't want to because his financial person is a bitch who reamed me out about the money I owed in front of all the waiting patients. Her exact words were "You don't take your car to a mechanic without paying for it." Gee, I didn't realise Dr. Keith was also an auto mechanic. ...bitch.

I'm thinking of selling all my books on Witchcraft, except for <i>The Witches Bible</i> and a couple of others as resource information for any future rituals I attend or officiate. I never look at most of these books and I think it's time to let them go to someone who needs them. I could use the money too.

That "World's Greatest Spokesperson in the World" is irritating as all Sith Hell. I want to take that blue phone of his and shove it up his chocolate wizway. I've had Nationwide Insurance since the early 80s. I don't need some bozo with a blue phone to tell me how good they are. Nationwide needs to come to grips that their advertising ploy will never measure up to Geico commercials and just shut up and sell insurance. Idiots...

I sound like I'm in a bad mood. I'm always in a bad mood. My counselor tells me I need to essentially re-program myself to think good thoughts and my depression will ease up. Is she right? I don't know. I'm trying that half-smile technique, but I feel like I'm grimacing when I do it. I need to think positive thoughts, she said. I always come up on the negative side, which is why I feel so bad. Again, is she right? I don't know. I'm afraid that she's trying to kill my Inner Sith. Rosa told me that I was the most difficult case she's had in six years because I'm so smart. In so many words, she suggested I try to dumb myself down because the therapy will be more helpful. Apparently ignorance is bliss. Who'da thunk?

Fringe comes on in 10 minutes. That makes me happy.

Then sleep. Blessed sleep.

Comments

[gunslingaaahhh.livejournal.com]

if you dont hear anything from fey by next weekend, then contact them. it isnt quite the middle of the month yet and there are things going on w/ sophie.

the therapists etc etc are right. you're a pessimist, but at least you're AWARE of the fact. that can make it more difficult to look on the bright side, when you're so accustomed to doing the opposite. but having a mildly more sunny disposition can help make you feel better.

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Rosa is such a "Ra Ra Ra" person, I want to slap her. But I'll try to be a dumb happy person to see if it worksl.

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

It's already elevated and I put an ice pack on it last night. About to do it again. Blah.

[miintikwa.livejournal.com]

I dunno, I think your therapist is kinda full of shit. Not everyone has to be a Pollyanna. Deal with your issues, sure, but trying to force yourself to be something you're not is just.... A waste of energy, to me.

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

I'm trying some of her techniques and we'll see how it goes. Otherwise, I'm a great actress. I'll pretend until the meds start working and maybe push for a different counselor later on.

[miintikwa.livejournal.com]

*nod* That works. I hope it helps. Are you sleeping well?

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Like a (dead) baby! :D

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

Won't say that the therapist is right or wrong... but...

Is your Inner Sith making you happy or unhappy?

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Well, nothing is making me happy right now, but I haven't accessed my Inner Sith lately.

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

Well, at least you can look at my post from earlier today and see that I do get angry sometimes...

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

I read that and had no idea what to say.

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

It's OK, I was kinda speechless myself for a while...

[dostoevsky-girl.livejournal.com]

nothing wrong with negativity, as long as it's not on 24-7. and if it is, at least in my experiences, it takes more than just trying to reprogram your thoughts via therapy. good meds should quiet it down enough that the therapy can take hold.

i do think you should inherently distrust anyone who wants to completely change you though. trying to nudge a bit more optimism out, ok. trying to turn you into some freaking polyanna? not ok.

hang in there *hugs*

[tinhuviel.livejournal.com]

Thanks, chiclet!

[ladyana5.livejournal.com]

MY dislike for the whole field of psychiatry is that they can basically say, "Well, I went to school for all these years to the point I can legitimately tell you, "Just go feel better!' ...and if you don't, then I can blame it all on you for not sanitizing your thoughts!" WOW! Can *I* just sit on my ass and get paid BIG bucks to tell folks, "Feel better!"? And if i fail, then it's their problem for not trying harder! *However* while i don't think your therapist is incompetent, i would suggest a "redirection" of your thoughts, rather than strangling them with clumps of cane sugary masking. i.e. 1) ok so the morning is awful, what _good_ can come of tonight? 2) i don't have money for 'X", i have health issues, i am depressed - how can I apply that to my writing? literally write it down as it comes to you 3) any way you can donate your time to a cause? (sorry - i am a fool and am unaware if this is something you already do) you could perhaps get involved in the charities that mean so much to you - humane society, Fibromyalgia, etc.

[acook.livejournal.com]

At the risk of sounding like a vegan tree-smooching hippe (which deep down I probably am) I really, REALLY REALLY think you should try this cleanse I'm doing. Almost everything you are experiencing are things (including sour moods, insomnia, soreness and depression) are things that might be helped or even iliminated with a radical dietary change.

It took me about two weeks to finally DO the damn thing, I was kicking and screaming the whole way, but now that I've commited fully I've noticed a lot of changes in just a few days. I'm going to write an entry about it if you're curious.

Just my two cents. If anything, it's worth trying. It is a bitch to do, but so is being miserable all the time (and trust me, I know)