tinhuviel: (Pensive)

Still attempting, and subsequently failing, to hold my shit together with this flare.  It's beyond anything I've experienced since I began suffering the symptoms of fibro.  I've put a call in to the doctor to let her know I haven't felt much of an improvement from the shot yet, and it's been well over 24 hours since I got it.  Hopefully, she'll call me back before 5 to let me know if there's anything else I can do other than wait it out.  I get to start the other medicine tomorrow, so there's that.

But, to be honest, I am wishing with all my heart that there will not be a tomorrow.  The pain is that bad, and I'm that weak.

It's not like anyone really needs me around.

tinhuviel: (Maul - snarky)

In the very early morning hours of Monday, around 3 AM, I was jolted awake by PAIN. I immediately knew it was a Fibromyalgia flare-up, but it was the absolute worst one I've ever had. Yesterday was  spent "enjoying" a full-body sensation that could only be described as the bastard child of an abscessed tooth and childhood growing pains, magnified a hundredfold. Misery was the word of the day.

Thankfully, today, I had an appointment with the pain management doctor. She checked me out, focusing on typical hot spots on the body that Fibromyalgia just loves to ravage with pain. When she saw tears pooling in my eyes, she ordered me an industrial sized shot of anti-inflammatory steroids. She also called me in a prescription for another kind of anti-inflammatory that I'm not supposed to begin until Thursday, so I'm going to wait to pick that up, considering I can't seem to blink my eyes without excruciating effort.

Since Matt had mentioned he needed to use the car this morning, I took an Orange Cab to and from the docs. The cab driver who brought me back home was a lady who had driven me somewhere once before. On the way, we struck up a conversation about family, work, illness, and grieving. I asked her if she was a native San Diegan. That's when she told me she was Ethiopian. I remarked that I'd always wanted to visit Ethiopia and even wrote an Ethiopian Vampire into my books (the dashing Mephistopheles, Rebekah's immortal mate). When we got to the house, I decided to pay the fare with my debit card, and give her a cash tip that was half of what the fare was. Since cabbies are usually only tipped at 10-20% of the fare, this kind of shocked her, I could tell. Female cabbies have to deal with a lot of potential danger, and probably don't earn as much as male cab drivers, so I wanted to make her bringing me home worth her while. We thanked one another and parted ways.

About twenty minutes later, Matt saw an Orange Cab car pull in front of the house, and asked me if I'd called for another ride. Since I hadn't, I went out to see if something was wrong. It turned out that my phone had slipped out of my purse while I was paying the fare. The lady discovered it when she attempted to call me to give me her direct number for any future transportation needs, and the phone began to ring in her back seat. I was just dumbfounded by her kindness in, in all probability, going out of her way to bring it back to me. I thanked her again and off she went into the uncharacteristic mist. I immediately programmed her number into the phone, but texted her to ask if I could have her name. Even though it has a certain ring to it, "Nice Ethiopian Lady from Orange" isn't very functional in the contacts list. I also thanked her again in the text, and assured her that I would reach out next time I need a ride. Hopefully, she'll text me back, when she has a chance.

In between the above incidences, I inched painfully into my room as I was talking to Matt. When I walked in, I noticed that my lamp, which is on the floor, for lack of having a table that could handle its massive size and weight, had been moved to one side. I asked him if Toby had knocked it down, since that had happened just a couple of days ago. He told me that the Mother Unit must have moved it when she was in my room. I asked him if he knew why, and he suggested I look up. Since I tend to look down when walking because, if I don't, I invariably end up tripping and busting my face, I had not taken notice of the wall. I turned my head in the direction to which Matt was pointing and saw this.

BIG BADASS )


I have never been afraid of Darth Maul. I'm too caught up in a dense fog of lust to be scared. This time, though, I was more than a little startled not because it was Maul, but because it was giant and unexpected. It turns out that The Unit and Matt had ordered the laminate from Fathead, and devised a way they could get me out of the house so they could affix it to my bedroom wall, since the job takes at least two people. Matt needing the car was all a ruse. I thanked them both with as much enthusiasm and glee a person who feels like she's being strip-mined by demons can express. Now, I'm dividing my time between writing this, attempting to eat something for the first time since yesterday morning, and giving an image of Darth Maul that's taller than Ray Park the hairy eyeball.

And there you have it. I'm spending the rest of the day trying not to move very much and waiting for the shot to begin taking effect, ogling my smexxy smexxy Sith, and watching Impractical Jokers reruns online.

Good Day

May. 25th, 2011 05:50 pm
tinhuviel: (Cadmus - Long Hair)
After 25 years of searching, I found my favourite Paul Young song. It's called "Ku-Ku Kurama" and it's just a totally quirky New Wave classic. I adore it.

After over a month of waiting and sitting here with $.42 to my name, which was appropriate since it's Towel Day, my retro SSI was deposited into my bank account. I can now pay my bills and actually live like a person with some dignity from now on. If everything turns out okay and I have enough dough left over, I'm taking a trip to England to see [livejournal.com profile] falkenna, [livejournal.com profile] paulpearson23, and Barry Andrews.

Speaking of Barry Andrews, I've been listening to "Despite Dense Weed" quite a bit today and realised that I'm exactly like Shenzi when it comes to this song and to Barry in general. The Shrieks give me the shivers, but I can't help but come back for more despite my fright. Barry is my Mufasa. Who'da thunk?

I'm almost ready to write more on "The Braid." I'm thinking of changing the mystery of Vampire's name from Molybdenum to Gethsemane. I think it has a lovely ring to it, and there is no indication of gender with the name. The name is also mentioned in a Stic Basin song, so there you go.

I've been out of Lyrica for a few days, so I've been in a bit of Fibro pain of late. My prescription was delivered to the house today, so I'm now Lyrica'd and joyful that I'm no longer paralysed with pain. That's always a good thing.

If I'm lucky, I'll be taking a picture of a baby opossum that has been visiting the cat food tray every night. He's about the size of my hand, and he's so cute. His hiss is so quiet, you can barely hear it, but he's getting used to my presence, so I think it'll be okay to take a couple of pictures without scaring him tonight.

Right now, I'm listening to "Sexthinkone" by Shriekback. It's one of Carl Marsh's classics. I've come to appreciate Carl Marsh a great deal more than I used to. His contribution to the Shrieks is invaluable.

I finally broke down and joined Tumblr. I'm Tinhuviel over there. I'm thinking of posting pictures of actors I want to play my various characters from The Vampire Relics. I think that'd be pretty interesting and, who knows? The actors I want may actually contact me and show an interest in the books.
tinhuviel: (Cadmus Wrath)

I'm what-ifing myself to death. What if the book is published and Barry actually reads it? Is he gonna hate me for Cadmus' numerous crimes against humanity and Vampire-kind? Carl is interested in the book, too. Is he gonna freak out over Cadmus? Should I tell him that Cadmus' name is his name bastardised? Would he mind if he knew? What if the book is published and nobody buys it? Or they buy it and hate it? What if people actually like it and start clamouring for The Blood Crown, which I haven't finished yet? What if I start getting pushed to finish it? Deadlines make me crazy, even though I do well writing under pressure. Take NaNoWriMo for instance. Still though, the thought of a bunch of people poking at me makes me extremely uneasy.

ANY...way. Fibro is kicking my ass right now. I'm in desperate need of a massage, but I'm to sensitive to be touched. It hurts to be touched just when I need to be touched. If I didn't have the Lyrica, I'd probably crawl off and die. On top of that, I think my left knee is getting water on it. I have no idea what I'm going to do if that's the case. If I have to, I'll go back to Dr. Keith since he's paid off, but I really don't want to because his financial person is a bitch who reamed me out about the money I owed in front of all the waiting patients. Her exact words were "You don't take your car to a mechanic without paying for it." Gee, I didn't realise Dr. Keith was also an auto mechanic. ...bitch.

I'm thinking of selling all my books on Witchcraft, except for <i>The Witches Bible</i> and a couple of others as resource information for any future rituals I attend or officiate. I never look at most of these books and I think it's time to let them go to someone who needs them. I could use the money too.

That "World's Greatest Spokesperson in the World" is irritating as all Sith Hell. I want to take that blue phone of his and shove it up his chocolate wizway. I've had Nationwide Insurance since the early 80s. I don't need some bozo with a blue phone to tell me how good they are. Nationwide needs to come to grips that their advertising ploy will never measure up to Geico commercials and just shut up and sell insurance. Idiots...

I sound like I'm in a bad mood. I'm always in a bad mood. My counselor tells me I need to essentially re-program myself to think good thoughts and my depression will ease up. Is she right? I don't know. I'm trying that half-smile technique, but I feel like I'm grimacing when I do it. I need to think positive thoughts, she said. I always come up on the negative side, which is why I feel so bad. Again, is she right? I don't know. I'm afraid that she's trying to kill my Inner Sith. Rosa told me that I was the most difficult case she's had in six years because I'm so smart. In so many words, she suggested I try to dumb myself down because the therapy will be more helpful. Apparently ignorance is bliss. Who'da thunk?

Fringe comes on in 10 minutes. That makes me happy.

Then sleep. Blessed sleep.


tinhuviel: (Default)
I was without my medicine for two days and, now, today I can barely move. I'm in such a fog, I don't know what to do. Being nonfunctional is absolutely 0 fun. There's no way I can go on like this. I need to see a doctor, but can't afford it. People keep telling me to try for disability.

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