Llewellyn ~ Flown to the West

[tinhuviel]

I got confirmation today of something I've known in my bones for a very long time. Llew is dead. He wrote me on the 23rd of December 2008, telling me that he was planning on killing himself. This had been the umpteenth letter like this I'd gotten from him and I'd actually contacted authorities in the town he was in in Pennsylvania, asking them to try to find him. I did everything I could short of letting him come back to my home, which was no longer an option for him. When he left to go to Pennsylvania in the Summer of 2008, I told him then that it was a permanent departure, there was no turning back. He chose to leave anyway.

Dear Tracy

 

I hope you didn't delete this as soon as you saw it. I wouldnt blame you if you did. I am out of options and money. I make no threat here, only state facts. Sorry I left you like everyone else. I am not the man you thought I was. I didn't know my limitations either. Sorry. You deserve so much better. It has turned into a disaster for me and I must pay the price. I have lost every friend I ever had including my daughter so I hope you go on as I had never existed. It's a new world ful of people and there is no room left for old fucks like me. Relaity sucks anyway and I am so damned tired of it all.

 

The state has given me $50 to "Return to SC." As If.......

 

there is no point so I won't even think of it. Thank you for caring too much . It is soooo your way. Bless ya, lassie. You will be the one I see when I close my eyes. There is no room in my heart for any other.

 

Bye,

Lew

And so this chapter is closed for good. I hope he has finally found the peace in death he never could find in life.

Comments

[softlywhispered.livejournal.com]

There are no words I can offer, that people before me have not already extended, Tracy. 2009 has been a horrendous year, one full of loss that strikes so many to the very core. I am sorry for your loss, Know that if you need me, I'm here for you.