Tinhuviel Artanis

We went to Wal-Mart today and found ourselves in the frozen food section. Aunt Tudi and I both had our eyes on a DiGiorno pizza for supper tonight. I opened one door to the freezer, but what we wanted was the next section over. I looked for the door handle, but it looked like it'd been torn off, so I worked and jimmied with the door for a good minute when this kind woman opened it from the other side. I was trying to open the door from the wrong side and I had no clue. I thanked the woman for enlightening my nattering fool self, picked up the pizza in shame and slunk off with Aunt Tudi wishing god would just strike me dead right there in my most hated place.

I ate the pizza, but it had the tang of humiliation with every single bite.

On our way out of Wal-Mart, there dashed past us this 4 to 5-year-old kid screaming his little head off. He'd lost his people and he was heading for the exit to try to find them. I just kept on walking because I'm a misanthropist and I wanted to get out of Wal-Mart. Aunt Tudi, being the better half of our team, helped some other motherly-type women to head him off at the pass and try to find his folks. While I checked out the groceries, Aunt Tudi was being the philanthropic soul she is and had to find me in the throng after the kid's people were found. I would have stopped to help, but my methods would have been a bit different as I would have caught the little shit by his shirt and taken him to customer service to make the announcement to his Jerry Springer fambly that they'd lost one of their retarded offspring. All's well that ends well, I guess, and I didn't have to get involved thanks to Aunt Tudi being such a good person.

Aunt Tudi and I were out of pretty much everything, so we went to Wally World to pick up some bits and bobs. Whilst there, I spotted this young teen girl with a tee shirt that said "Only Vampires can love you forever." Of course, I thought that was the bees knees. I don't know if it's from Twilight and I don't care; it's still the bees knees.

During one of our many stops so Aunt Tudi could regroup, I spied these things. This is what Americans are shoving in their faces these days. No wonder people are getting diabetes and dropping like flies. This is just death on a stick, I swear to the Mighties.



We're home after being gone for over three hours. Aunt Tudi had physical therapy, which we went to before going to Wally World. I remember when we could go all day and keep on going when we got home, but age and illness combined with the godawful heat have turned us both into limp rags. If I thought I could sleep, I'd go to bed right now. It's cooler in the bedroom. Instead, I'll just stay in the living room and grouse until bedtime.

Before we got to come home, Aunt Tudi wanted to go by Wal-Mart and pick up some milk and drinks. Wal-Mart on a Friday is the next closest thing to Hell I can imagine, the first being stuck in a room with no Internet and a constant pipeline of Country music. Now Aunt Tudi has this habit of telling me that we're ready to leave Wally World and, as I'm cutting flips to the front of the store, she suddenly puts the brakes on my glee by saying "Oh my! Not yet! I forgot to get [insert inane consumer item here]." This item is invariably at the back of the store. Why I always fall for her saying it's time to leave is beyond me. Maybe the need I feel in the very marrow of my bones to get out with of Wal-Mart the minute I set foot in the place is the reason for my clouded judgment.

Today, it was pickle relish. She forgot the pickle relish for tuna salad. My version of tuna salad is a blob of mayonnaise in the middle of a blob of tuna, mix vigourously, plop on bread, and nosh. But Aunt Tudi is a tuna salad connoisseur, so pickle relish must be had. She'd also mentioned a loaf of bread, so I suggested I'd go get the bread while she backtracked to get the pickles. I took the cart because I was heading in the right direction and could hold our inane consumer items hostage, if need be, until Aunt Tudi gave in and agreed to leave with me.

On my way to the bread, I ran into a snag, in the form of....children. They were in my way. They were between me and the bread I needed. There were four of the little things, two of which were obviously "BFFs" because they were about 7 and holding hands...awwwww, isn't that cute? ::balls fists and places them together, squinching up my face in pure childhood squee'ness:: Every time I tried to get around them and their typically oblivious mother, the BFFs would barr my way. After the third time of this insanity, I chuffed loudly. The woman looked up and gave me this "oh ya know kidz rite?" look, which I did not return, because I don't want to know her kids nor anybody else's. A little confused that she wasn't getting the motherly code signs in return, she said to the BFFs, "Girls, I hope you get run over! I swear, you've been nothing but trouble in here and, if you keep this up, you're gonna get your toes squished! Now move over here and let this lady pass."

As I began to walk by them, the woman continued her sweet-talking diatribe. "Now, please try to stay out of the way. You are really going to get your toes squished and then someone is gonna feel bad." She then flashed me a "ya know kidz rite?" grin, I guess in the hope that I would clue in to the whole code sign thing and we could do the Breeders Bond. I flashed her something back. I flashed her my smirk with just a slight tightness of the eyes. Just like Jeff Goldblum getting his arse chased by a T-Rex (not the band, although that's scary too), the woman was "fairly alarmed" because, when I flash this particular expression to parents, it squeegees away any hope they may have had that I would understand their brats' poor behaviour or their own obvious lack of parenting skills. And this person, with her brood and their attached BFF, caught me on a particularly rancid day. Actually, I've had a series of them, but each consecutive day simply tells me that I need to avoid the Great Unwashed Masses until I'm feeling a tad more charitable. She may think I don't understand Breeder (which I do, I just choose not to acknowledge it as a language), but I got no doubt whatsoever that she understands...well, whatever it is I am. She gathered her kids around her very quickly and removed herself and them from the bread to which I needed access so I could get out of Wal-Mart.

Now, what could she have possibly seen in my tiny little grin? Well, I know what was going through my head when she said "You are really going to get your toes squished and then someone is gonna gonna feel bad." I remember it like it was just four hours ago! If my glance in her direction allowed this woman to read my mind, this is what she heard: Oh, you've got the wrong chica here, you barely-sentient brood sow. Nothing would please me more than to squish your dirty little brats' toes with my cart's wheels. In fact, if I had the chance, I'd affix their heads to the floor with some Krazy Glue, which can be found on aisle three in hardware, and slowly squish them instead with my Monster Truck Birkenstocks. No no, lady. I don't play the "ya know kidz rite?" game. Take your walking petri dishes and your limited brain capacity to the next aisle so I can get my bread and get out of here before I come hunting you down with a stolen tube of Krazy Glue.

I got my bread. About that time Aunt Tudi came up with the pickle relish. Holding my breath until we actually got to check-out, I was then confident in the fact that we'd be leaving Wal-Mart and I wouldn't have to make quick detour to hardware, aisle three, to pick up a little needed tool of the trade...

Wet hair, no make-up, bad sound. Perfect for a webcam installment! I had no idea I showed my lower fang so much when I talked. That's enough to inspire a vow of silence, I tell you what. And I don't know what to do about the sound delay. It's fine playing in different media players, it's just You Tube that displays the sound issue. If anyone knows what I can do to rectify that, just educate me, will you? Please? Until then, I think this may be my last webcam outing, 'cos that's damned irritating. Bleh.

Before making it to the Father and Stepmother Unit's abode, we stopped at....WAL-MART....to pick up a particular kind of candy for the Father Unit. They didn't have the candy, but I saw that this store from hell is now carrying Holy Blood, Holy Grail alongside The Da Vinci Code. This is, without a doubt, a serious omen of the imminent Alpaca Lips.

So yeah, I broke my New Years Resolution of never darkening the door of another Wal-Mart, but this doesn't mean I'm planning on going back any time soon...preferably never

The Stepmother Unit ordered pizza from Pizza Hut and we all noshed until we could nosh no more. While The Father Unit and Aunt Tudi discussed their myriad health issues, The Stepmother Unit and I watched "Close to Home" and I loaded some music from their collection onto iGor. I now have 4551 songs on iGor, including "Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road." That's damned special.

Not sure what we'll be doing tomorrow, but I'm hoping it involves relaxation as that's one of my favourite hobbies these days. Sad, but true.

We got up early and took Sheba to see Dr. Patch. Beginning late Friday, Sheba started having problems getting up and down on the furniture and, when she was touched on her sides near the back, she'd yelp out in pain. Uncool. So off to the vet we went. Doc did a white blood cell count on her to make sure it wasn't a kidney infection. Nothing. So he's thinking it's either a kidney stone or a pulled muscle. She's on muscle relaxants for the next few days to see if that does the trick. If not, we'll have X-rays to see if a stone can be detected. Actually, she seems some better today, so maybe it's just a pulled muscle. Here's hoping. Either way, she'll be with Doc until Saturday 'cos we're boarding everyone tomorrow for our NYC trip.

After taking Sheba to the vet, we came back home for a short while, or what should have been a short while. Johnna came down for a visit in order to get our itinerary and confirm instructions on feeding the cats and opossums while we're away. While Aunt Tudi was chit-chatting with her, I fell asleep on the couch. I was having one of those bizarro narcolepsy attacks. So, instead of our leaving around 12 to go to pay some bills and run by Wal-Mart, we ended up leaving around 2 PM.

Aunt Tudi got herself a couple of really nice blouses and I got some make-up and panties (what a combo!). We got home a little after 4, at which time I jumped online and wrote my glowing report on Barry Andrews' voice. Then I jumped in the shower and off to Llew's I went, visiting shortly before 8. After spending a very pleasant hour and a half with him, I returned home and painted my nails for the first time in about 2 years. They are now a fantabulous purple!

So that was my day. Boring, eh? But it was productive and pleasant. That's all that matters in my ongoing quest for a stress-free existence.

**EDIT** Oh and I haven't written a stitch today, but I plan on getting some vampirage down before I leave tomorrow. Was thinking about taking the computer with me but....I don't want to take any risks. So I'm burning the tale onto a disc to take with me in the event something happens to the house (like fire, heaven forbid). ::firms nods::

It's not Summer anymore. Stop with the heat already!

Aunt Tudi and I attempted to go to Wal-Mart, but it was so crowded, we turned around and went to Ingles instead. We're planning on going to Wal-Mart on Monday, when all the wild human animals are back at work and school. The rest of the day is mine to do with as I please. And I am pleased to just lie here and moan.

Some talented soul on the lost_tv community made a LOST quiz on okcupid. As usual, I scored as Hurley. I'm always Hurley on these tests. What's up with that?

( lost )

Really, I don't have much to write about today. I'm not feeling it, dude. I just want to lie here and watch BSG. The only thing missing is my menstrual hut. And some cooler fucking weather. Some Autumn air would be nice.

Today has so far been my most productive day since the onset of my gainful unemployment. I got up at 7 AM, threw my hair in a hat, got dressed, collected Aunt Tudi and Shmoop and arrived at the vet's office by 7:35. We dropped off Shmoop for her spaying appointment and headed for Wally World. Wally World in the early morning is even more pleasant than the late morning! We were in and out by 9:30 and home by 10 AM.

By 10:30, I was outside mowing the grass for the first time in about 3 weeks (it didn't look horrible, but it was pretty bad I'm ashamed to say). I didn't use the lawn tractor; instead, I used the push mower because it has mulching action. By 11:15, I'd finished up and was jumping in the shower.

A swift clean up and some makeup by 11:40, and Aunt Tudi and I were heading back out the door to meet up with my ex-fellow serfs for Judy's birthday/farewell dinner. I followed some folks over to Charlie's Barbecue off highway 14 and we all partied down for about an hour. The Feudal Mistress was at the other end of the table from me, so I was unable to vent any wrath down upon her. Other than that, it was really good to hobnob with my homies. Everyone was keen to hear how I was handling being unemployed. I told them how wonderful I felt, that I felt 10 years younger and the hump on my back had mysteriously disappeared!

Right now, I'm home, but it's merely a pit stop. We're about to head back out to Sparkle City to the One Stop place where I'll file for school benefits. After that, I'm heading back home to work on the Shriekback and Barry Andrews websites. By then, I'll be ready to vegetate a little more. Whoooo!

So here I am at the Saturn service center, getting my car serviced. It may be the last time I have to get it serviced. What's the point of maintaining a vehicle I can't afford to drive? My gawd, gas here is ranging from $2.99 to $3.25, depending on where you go. I'm tempted to drive up to the Smoky Mountains and buy a few jugs of white lightning to fuel the vehicle.

But I'm not here to bitch about petrol. I'm here to catch up on what went on yesterday. It was an eventful day.

First off, Dr. Sovenyhazy. The check up went well, although I didn't expect for him to give me a full physical. Being the lout I am, I decided not to shave my legs, so the good doctor got an eyeful of Sasquatch gams. Yes, I'm sure he was as horrified as anyone who looks at buttholes all day can be. My colonoscopy is scheduled for 12 September. Oh, and I got a picture of Dr. Sovenyhazy's office sign so I can prove that my gastroenterolist's name is indeed SHOVEinhozzy. I'll post those when I'm home and have time.

Before I headed out for the doc's, I got a call from the SC employment office. They said I could come in any time, that they had received all the necessary paperwork from The Pit. Since gas is so horrid, I suggested to Aunt Tudi that we go by the employment place after my appointment, since we'd already be in town. So that's what we did. I was at the employment office from 11:40 until a little after 3 PM. Never have I been grilled so thoroughly about my work and financial history. I swear to the Mighties, I felt like a wrung wash cloth after that experience. The good thing, though, is that I should start receiving benefits no later than week after next and I can go ahead and apply for financial aid for school with their displaced worker program. They not only pay for tuition for a two year program, but they also pay for all your books and even transportation costs, which will come in handy now that we're all having to sell our souls for a gallon of gas. I'll be going to the appropriate office to file for these benefits on Monday.

Since Aunt Tudi and I hadn't had breakfast or lunch, I decided to take her to the Golden Corral for a meal. They have this barbecue special during lunch hours that she had been wanting to try. When we got there and I went to pay with my debit card, it wasn't in my wallet. WTF? I've never lost any of my cards (ID, license, credit, debit, library, whatever) and was just floored. I had to pay for the meal with my credit card and immediately called Bank of America once we were seated. I can't think of a worst place to lose one's debit or credit card than at the unemployment office. I had the debit account frozen and a new card ordered within ten minutes, so all was well, I could breathe a sigh of relief. Then, I found my debit card. For some daft reason, I had placed it in a different location in my wallet. I am an idiot! But at least it wasn't floating around somewhere... Now, though, I have to wait for my new debit card, which should be to me by 8 September. Crapola. That's what I get for being a nudnick.

Today, Aunt Tudi and I got up around 8 AM and mosied to Wal-Mart for our weekly grocery shopping. We took our time and enjoyed the fact that there were few people to hamper our progress. And the blatant lack of children was quite a relief for me. Wally World isn't nearly so horrid in the mornings as it is in the afternoons. Swiftly have I grown to adore the life of the idle unemployed.

After we leave Saturn, I'm heading home for a wee nap perhaps, and then I go see Llew this evening. Tomorrow, I'm cutting grass and Saturday, I go see sifu_rick, sifu_joe, and the other fellas who make up PaYne. Sunday, I'm not doing diddly-damned-squat.

I caught some photos of Riley last night as he did impersonations of Sadako from Ringu and Regan from The Exorcist.

( Riley as Sadako )
( Riley as Regan )

I got up early today and wrote out some bills. Then Aunt Tudi and I went to Wal-Mart. We got there around 1 PM and left at 3:15. That was my activity for the day. That's bloody enough.

Now I'm wrapped up on the couch watching Queen of the Damned on Sci-Fi. Stuart Townsend makes for a beautiful Lestat. He's going to be Kolchak in the remake of "The Night Stalker." Let's see....Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz are remaking "The Night Stalker" and it stars Stuart Townsend. Can we say "Tin is soooo there, boys and girls?" I thought we could, yes.